A Criminal Mind
by Andorian Ice Princess-AIP
Summary: A trap is set and Mac is injured and kidnapped only to be found a few days later with no memory of himself; Stella or his life as a CSI. Stella races against time to help restore his memory while trying to keep him safe from a man bent on revenge.
1. Journey Into Despair

**Title: A Criminal Mind  
****Chapter 1 - Journey Into Despair!**

**Summary:** A trap is set and Mac is injured and kidnapped only to be found a few days later with no memory of himself; Stella or his life as a CSI. Stella races against time to help restore his memory while trying to keep him safe from a man bent on revenge. SMACKED

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Mac Taylor but I wish I did! This is a piece of fan fiction. It is written for pleasure and not for profit. The characters of CSI New York and any other regular cast and supporting cast members all belong to CBS, Paramount & Jerry Bruckheimer and Anthony Zuiker. All other characters are my own. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental.

**NOTE:** Check out my new SMACKED poll on my profile and please vote! 

**A/N:** Don't worry I haven't left off my other stories but this came to my over worked brain and I had to get it started. So hopefully you'll enjoy it as much as the other two. As always Mac will be in peril and danger because that's what I love to write best (duh) and he can take it (grin)! But since this is my twisted mind you know this will be more than a simple case of amnesia (insert evil laugh here)!

**PS:** The inspiration for my villain in this story came from listening to the song _"A Criminal Mind" By Gowan._

This one again will be first person including the villain, but when the bad guy is talking I'll identify him by his name (Colin Morris). Est Danny/Lindsay and even though the writers took her away Jessica and Flack will always be together. Hope you like this story as well and thanks in advance.

* * *

~Colin Morris~

_'For five years I have waited, waited for my first taste of freedom. I have endured hell; mental torment and emotional purgatory. I have planned this moment; perfected my scheme, and dreamt of nothing more than taking my revenge on the one person on this planet whose actions stole my future and my freedom. Detective Mac Taylor.'_

_'And tonight, tonight my pact with the devil will finally come to fruition. I have been given an opportunity and I won't let it slip through my fingers again. I have offered my soul and now it's time to take his.'_

_I lean back in the seat of the van, just waiting; waiting for the moment when I can strike out against the one man who made me an outcast not only among my professional peer group but also against society in general. Each night for the past five years I would close my eyes trying to find solace in sleep but waking up reliving the horrors of the past and cursing the name Mac Taylor; finally plotting my revenge. It seems like I have waited an eternity for this moment. _

_Well tonight eternity finally catches up..._

XXXXXXXX

"Mac, did you find it?"

"Dead end Stella. The alibi checked out, I'm on my way back."

"Buckley didn't do this on his own, he had help."

"Yeah I know. He..."

"Mac what is it?"

"Raining like hell and I...might not make it back in time. Looks like a detour up ahead. This storm is the worst I've ever seen."

"Just drive careful."

"Rain check?"

"Nice try mister, you promised me Thai tonight and I am holding you to that."

"It was a slip of the tongue."

"You better be here in an hour Taylor."

"I'll be there; I'm not far away, I'll see you soon."

"Mac?"

"I promise Stella. I'm looking forward to it."

"Liar."

"To dinner with you? Of course I'm looking foward to it; not necessarily the type of dinner."

"Just get here when you can."

"I give you my word I'll be there."

XXXXXXXX

_'Here he comes,' a soft whisper is heard._

_'Shane, just make sure that you're ready. Once his truck is taken out we won't have much time.'_

_'I'm ready.'_

_'Come to me Detective Taylor...destiny awaits.'_

XXXXXXXX

I hang up with Stella and despite the day's trying events a faint smile starts to curl upon my lips as I head back to the office. Thai, what was I thinking? I am not an adventurous eater; why did I agree to this? But despite the fact that I know she conned me into it, I do feel like I owe her this for the amount of time she's put in on this case over the past week; staying up until the wee hours with me just to try to catch this guy and help put him away. I would be lying to deny my growing attraction to Stella and while I have been too afraid to actually act on those feelings, I know she wants me to and I need to take a chance before I lose the opportunity altogether. It's more than a close friendship that is between us now and I feel it's time to finally reciprocate those feelings or I might lose out on an opportunity at happiness and love; an opportunity with a woman I know I care for and love more than life itself.

My thoughts quickly turn back to the nearly invisible road before me; the detour I was forced to take has made me unsure of the road and my panic is high. Thunder cracks overhead as I offer another curse and then watch as a lighting bolt brightens the sky. I offer a heavy sigh but then watch in horror as the road before me starts to give way.

"What the hell..." is all I manage before the ground beneath the Avalanche starts to disintegrate and another flash is seen. I find myself frantically trying to steer out of the path of destruction; not realizing that my fate at this moment is being dictated to me by a man bent on my personal destruction and mental demise. I turn to the left; hit something hard and then am being pitched forward into the darkness. I don't even realize I'm on a small bridge with turbulent waters below until I hear wood cracking and fear finally starts to seize me. The wheel hits something hard and the truck pitches forward with a crash; and then I hear sound of shattering glass; the sound of bones breaking; the sound of flesh tearing open; the sound of metal and fiberglass being crushed and then the cabin inside the truck starts to cave in on me.

I hit my head on something hard; offer a cry of terror as pain grips my entire body and then my world goes black.

XXXXXXXX

I look up from my file just as a loud thunder clap shakes the floor and I look at my watch and frown. "Mac where are you," I mumble as Flack walks up to my office door and pokes his head inside.

"Is he back yet?" He asks with a slight frown.

"What does he owe you?"

"A reason for Buckley's disappearance. What does he owe you?"

"Thai," I answer with a slight smile.

"I think mine trumps yours," Flack replies with his own wry smile. "I tried to call but got no answer."

"He's probably trying to concentrate on driving," I offer in some hesitation. "This storm is bad and he mentioned something about a road detour. He'll be okay. Mac's a good driver." But even as the words leave my lips something inside can't shake the growing feeling that something is wrong and Mac could be in trouble. Stella, it's just the weather, Mac is fine. Stop being so paranoid.

XXXXXXXX

_'Colin, look at his head wound.'_

_'Try to stop the bleeding, we need him alive.'_

_'Do you think this will work?'_

_'With that lighting strike?__ I couldn't have planned it better myself if I had thought about it for an eternity. Now his team will think it was divine retribution. Quick, strap his arms to his sides and put the mask over his mouth and nose. I'll work on his head wound. We'll check for internal injuries later.'_

_'Almost ready.'_

_'Excellent Shane.__ Detective Taylor can you hear me?' I ask with a smug smile to the wounded man at my finger tips. My smile grows when I am only rewarded with a slight flutter of swollen eyelids but nothing further. 'He's alive, that's all that matters.'_

_'What do I take of his?'_

_'This and this.__ Make sure they are found where we need them to. After tonight Mac Taylor will be presumed dead and my revenge will be complete. Is he ready for transport?'_

_'Yes.'_

_'Good, then let's go. And don't forget the detour signs.'_

XXXXXXXX

"Well tell him to call me when he finally drags himself in here," Flack tells me as he turns to leave.

I throw him a small smile and turn back to my file, trying to concentrate on wrapping this up so that when Mac is back we can finally start to unwind. This week has been very tiring for both of us and I'm glad I was able to con him into dinner; even if Thai wasn't his first choice I'm going to hold him to it. But the thought of a nice quiet dinner out with Mac, away from the working world is something I am more than excited about; I actually wanted this long ago. Better late than never, is my motto as of late when it comes to Mac.

We had gone out for coffee and then started to talk about things personal and emotional and he finally opened up more than expected. He said he wanted something more for us and I was surprised by his revelation but happy and offered the same confession in return to assure him he wasn't going out on an emotional limb by himself. Tonight is going to be our first official date and while I had wanted some better weather so we could have walked arm and arm down the street; I'm just happy to be going with such an amazing man; a man I know inside I love more than anything.

But as the minutes slowly tick past I can't help but feel my heart starting to beat a bit faster at his tardiness, Mac is never late. I slowly pick up the phone and dial Mac's number. When I get no answer and no voice mail is offered, my mind starts to panic a bit further and my heart beat a bit faster. Could something have happened to delay his arrival?

The weather is hell and there have been reports of numerous major car accidents, lighting strikes and power outages allover the city and lower state. I tell myself that Mac is just trying to concentrate on driving but as another hour slowly rolls around I know inside that something is very wrong; he would have called me if he could have.

"You are more than officially late Taylor," I whisper to myself as I try his number once more. Since I know Mac is not the type of guy who would play childish games and not answer; and I know even if he was occupied with something he would call me back when he was able, even to put my mind at ease; so I have to surmise the worst.

With a slight frown I push myself out of the chair and head for Adam; my mind still trying to work on why Mac is late.

"Still here?" Adam asks with a slight frown.

"I guess I could ask you the same thing?" I lightly counter and he offers me a timid smile. "Can you please look up the GPS tracker on Mac's truck and let me know where he is?"

"Big Mac in trouble?" He asks with a sheepish grin. "Got that from Danny."

"Possibly from the weather," I frown as I watch Adam start to run a trace on Mac's GPS. However as the minutes slowly tick by my frustration continues to grow.

"Signal found," Adam frowns; as he presses a few buttons, trying to narrow down a location. "It's just stalled here," he shows me as I pull out my phone. "Odd place for him to just stop."

"Flack it's been almost three hours since we last spoke and Mac was less than an hour away. I know he wouldn't just ignore my calls but when I dial his number I dont even get voice mail. Adam just located his truck but the GPS says it's stopped and it's in an area that he wasn't supposed to travel. Now it could be an odd coincidence as he mentioned a detour but I just feel something is wrong. Feel like taking a ride and putting my paranoia to rest?"

"Could have been an accident. The boys are busy fielding all sorts of calls tonight; but if that happened it could be some time before anyone gets there. Meet you out front."

"Mac will be fine," Adam tells me as I turn to leave. "He's tough."

XXXXXXXX

_'Colin his breathing is a bit shallow and his head is still bleeding.'_

_'Just keep applying pressure. This is my field; trust me his head will be fine. Is anything else bleeding?'_

_'Not that I can see but he hit the steering wheel and front side panel pretty hard, what if he has major internal injuries?'_

_'Then my revenge will be short lived and I'll be really pissed. Is he saying anything?'_

_'No. Do you want me to remove the mask?'_

_'No, just clean the blood and dirt off his face as best you can, well do the rest later.'_

XXXXXXXX

I offer a timid smile at Adam's reassurance as I hurry out of the quiet lab and head for my office. I grab my coat and gun and head for Flack; passing Mac's office with a frown and a worried mind. The ride to the location where the GPS said his truck is one of worry and panic.

"Damn I haven't seen weather this bad in years," Flack frowns. "Jessica had to take a call on the Brooklyn Bridge an hour ago and just the details of it are making me nervous about her out in this. I can understand your concern, caring for Mac and all."

"We're friends Don," I try to convince the man beside me. But inside my heart I know that Don suspects that Mac and I are drawing towards a bond a lot deeper than friendship. I care for Mac, I have for years, but as of late my attraction and desire for him have started to bloom; the fact that he's responded in kind tells me that something more is going to grow and that he wants it also. We had shared a quiet coffee a few nights ago where he finally confessed that he wanted to grow a bond beyond friendship and asked if I wanted the same thing. How could I not? In my heart I know I love him.

"Sure Stella," he replies with a small smile. "_Friends."_

We pass by numerous accidents and further evidence of the destruction of the storm as we head into a part of town that most dont even like to go during the day; more wooded and less residential; more areas for the less than savory of New York to frequent.

"Are we getting close?" Flack asks in haste as we head toward a small bridge.

"I think so, but I don't see..." I start as my eyes frantically start to once again search the area around and to the side of Flack's cruiser. But as we near the small bridge my panic starts to race at top speed.

"Stella!"

"Oh my G..." I start in horror as we see Mac's Avalanche partially submersed in the collapsed bridge; lights still on. I don't even wait for the car to stop as I push myself out of the passenger seat, racing for the driver's side; Flack calling for assistance.

"MAC!" I shout as my eyes start to water; adding to the wetness from the rain. I reach the edge of the bridge and gaze upon a sight my eyes will never forget; broken glass, fresh blood, torn fabric but no sign of my injured partner.

"MAC!" I shout once more; trying in vain to be heard over the thunder and pounding rain. I turn back to Flack who's almost at my side. "He must be around here someplace," I state loudly.

"Unless he fell in the water," Flack offers in haste as he spies Mac's watch snagged on a jagged branch; blood and skin around it; of course the plant as his abductor has arranged. "I called for backup but I'll call Search and Rescue as well. Stella it's dark and if that current is as strong as it looks and he was injured..." his voice dies out as he pulls out his radio.

However, I refuse to believe Mac was simply swept out to sea and so start to frantically search the surrounding area; stuffing the watch into a plastic bag in my pocket.

"MAC!" I call out once more; a thunder clap overhead making both myself and Flack offer a duck for any kind of cover we can find; which sadly out here isn't very much that will offer safe protection.

"Stella, we better watch out for lighting!" Flack yells over the noise. "Don't stand near a tree or..."

I head back for Mac's side of the truck and am about to take another step closer when Flack pulls me back just as the ground gives way and the truck lurches forward.

"NO!" I shout in panic as I watch the ground starting to swallow up whatever its greedy mouth can fit into it; the remainder of the bridge the only thing keeping his truck from going completely into the angry channel.

"Don't go near it; we could lose it all together," Flack calls to me, as I push myself out of his grasp and race around to the passenger side. I don't see any footprints in the mud and thanks to my actions on the driver's side and the fact that the ground is giving way, any trace of Mac's abduction is now being washed into the water; leaving me fearing the worse, but not knowing the truth.

"He can't just be gone!" I state in a panic, my eyes offering fresh tears, mixing with mascara and rainwater; burning my vision once again.

"MAC!"

"Wait here," Flack directs as he leaves my side and starts to search the darkened wooded area surrounding the truck. If Mac did manage to crawl out he would stay with the truck; better chance of being found than if he wandered away, even if he was injured. He's taken survival training, he knows what to do. If he isn't here then something has happened to him.

"Mac where are you?" I offer in misery as I continue to stare at the front seat of the Avalanche; picturing Mac's body slumped over or him trying to get out and then falling in the water and drowning. In anger I brush the tears away and swallow my sorrow. "I refuse to believe he's gone."

"MAC!"

XXXXXXXX

_'Shane this is far enough. Take the other things we need and go and plant them. They'll drift downstream in this current and then when they are found, they'll assume the worse,' I direct with a smile. I watch my young protg leave our transport vehicle and turn back to my precious cargo with a twisted smile._

_'Still asleep Detective Taylor?'__ I ask with mock concern. My eyes fix themselves to his head wound and I offer a slight frown. Shane has done a somewhat good job at stopping the bleeding but not completely. 'Good help is hard to find,' I mutter as I quickly move myself out of the front seat and kneel down beside the stretcher. I watch as Taylor's eyes once again try to open; as if he knows someone is at his side; but his brain is still too diluted with his own pain to allow him to acknowledge my presence; his face crunches with agony and all he offers me is angry moans into the mask over his mouth. I apply one more heavy band-aide to the wound on his head and ensure the mask is fitted properly over his face before I hear Shane coming back. The substance inside the mask is not just oxygen; it's mixed with gas to keep him alive but weak; in case he comes to and my plan didn't work._

_'All done,' Shane informs me with a nervous glance. "Think I was seen?'_

_'Trust me with all the problems going on tonight, you weren't seen,' I tell him as I push us further into the night; racing toward my waiting lair. _

_'Don't worry Detective Taylor,' I whisper into the stillness of the front compartment. 'You'll like your new home, and the new life I am going to create for you.'_

XXXXXXXX

I wait in impatient anger as search and rescue continue to carefully search the area around the front of the truck in the swirling waters; while the truck is slowly pulled out of its mucky resting place.

"Stella, looks like lighting struck the bridge just as he was crossing it," Sheldon offers with a worried frown. "If he was conscious, he'll find a way to survive. Mac wouldn't give up, you know that."

"What if he fell into the water unconscious? Or even semi-conscious!" I snap. I look at Sheldon in sorrow and offer a softer expression. "I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize," he replies in haste. "I'm just as worried."

"We looked in a fifty meter radius," Lindsay informs us as she and Danny rush to our side. "We found various footprints all around the truck, the bridge and leading in all kinds of directions into the woods; but since this is a public area with even minimal traffic during the day then it could be anyone. No sign of Mac."

"There are tire treads leading up to the bridge and some on the other side, but if anyone else used this road tonight before Mac then it was probably theirs," Danny adds. "But with this rain we can't cast anything."

"Search and rescue have checked the area around and under the truck as best they can from up here. The channel is too dark and dangerous to send the dive team down into the water," Flack informs with a worried expression. "They are going to conduct a quick search down the channel by rescue boat to see if he's in the water and holding onto something. But they aren't hopeful; not with this storm."

"He can't just be gone!" I state in anger. "We can't just give up."

"No one is giving up Stella," Danny tells me in a softer tone. I look at him in remorse and offer a sad frown.

"I know and he would be proud of all the help you are extending tonight," I tell them. "Danny and Lindsay, you two can go home to Lucy. We'll finish up here."

"Stella, we don't mind waiting," Danny offers for both of them; to which Lindsay nods in agreement.

"I'll call you if I know anything. Please its hell out here; you are both soaked and Lucy needs her parents." They finally look at each other and nod in agreement before taking their leave. The umbrella that is covering me and Sheldon is almost ready to cave in on us both; offering more chilling rain but I refuse to take my leave until Mac is found.

"I know he's alive," I whisper in agony.

"From the look of the blood, it might only be a surface wound," Sheldon carefully offers. "Maybe he flagged down some help and passed out on the way to the hospital."

I look at him with a slight frown before pulling my phone. "Which one is closest to here?" I get the name from Sheldon and quickly dial it; only to be told by the admitting clerk that no one by the name of Mac Taylor or anyone fitting his description has been admitted so far. However, there are numerous other medical clinics in the surrounding area so anyone of them might have taken him in or seen him earlier.

"Nothing," I mumble to Sheldon in sorrow.

Time holds us both captive between reality and a tormented nightmare; forcing us to watch the numerous dancing lights in the murky darkness as they try in vain to search for a man that has already been removed from the area unbeknownst to us all; taken by an evil man; a man who now holds captive the man who is my future happiness. As each minute slowly ticks past, my heart rate continues to climb and my nervous anxiety is on high.

"Where could he be?" I mumble mostly to myself as Flack finally joins us.

"Stella, we have searched this area and my guys are soaked and cold. Now we don't just want to give up but I am calling for a new team. Search and rescue is still going to continue their careful water search but with the way this wind is; they can't put themselves in peril either. We might have to wait until morning."

"We can't just give up," I moan in agony.

"No one is giving up," Flack insists. "But if we put more lives in danger what good will that do? Mac wouldn't want more loss of life on his account; you know that."

"Damn his stubbornness!"

"Sorry," Flack offers.

I reward him with only a blank stare and then turn my watery gaze back into the darkness of night; watching the Search and Rescue boat trying in vain to navigate the turbulent channel.

"Stella, you are soaked right through. At least wait inside one of the trucks," Flack tries again.

"How can I just leave? How can I go anywhere, knowing that he could still be here someplace? Alone and hurt?"

"Stella, I have a fresh team coming. No one is just giving up on Mac; but you need to get some dry clothes on before you catch your death."

"I'll wait with Flack until you get back," Sheldon offers and I look at him with a small smile.

"But you're both wet also," I tell them.

"Well then I guess the faster you get back here with dry clothes on the faster we can do the same," Flack retorts and I finally nod in agreement. I numbly walk back to my own truck; get inside and close out the pounding from the rain and thunder. I wipe some water from my eyes and offer a small curse.

"Mac, where are you? I refuse to believe you are gone."

XXXXXXXX

_'Bring him in here Shane,' I direct as our special transport van finally stops at our intended destination and it's time to unload my precious cargo. A destination that is hidden away from any eyes that might chance to see my captive prisoner; a destination that we have been preparing for the past several months._

_'I think he's coming to,' Shane offers with a frown._

_'Get started on cleaning the rest of the blood and dirt from his face and we'll need something to stitch the wound on his head with. Also bring the body scope so we can check for internal injuries,' I direct as I finally remove the mask from Taylor's face. His eyes finally push themselves open and he offers a squint into the lights above._

_'Welcome back,' I tell him with a slow smile; relishing in his obvious agony from the accident. His face crunches once again with pain as he tries to move even the slightest degree._

_'Can't...move' he manages in a tormented whisper._

_'You'll move when I let you,' I offer in a mocking tone._

_'Hurts...body...hurts' he whispers in misery._

_'It will for some time,' I smile and he frowns. Sadly unlike a real hospital that would ensure he's given the best of care; his stay with me with be both tormented and unkind; pity and tenderness are qualities I abolished from my mind long ago._

_'Do you remember me?' I ask. _

_I watch as his watery blue eyes fixed themselves on my face, trying to picture it but then rewarding me with a shake of no._

_'Do you know your name?' I wonder in interest._

_Once again I watch as his face tries to compute my question; trying to offer an answer that he wants rather than the one I will dictate to him. _

_'No?' I mock once again. 'Well that's really too bad.'_

_'Who are...you?' He asks once again in a quiet tone, offering a sad dry cough._

_'Im your jailer,' I smile and his face offers a slight frown._

_'What?'_

_'Your doctor.'_

_'Where...am I?'_

_'You're at home,' I reply firmly. 'You live here and you need to rest.'_

_'But...' he offers in hoarse protest._

_'Just rest now,' I tell him as I fix the mask over his mouth and nose once again; allowing the slow amount of gas to assault his system once more; ensuring me he's kept in a weakened state; a state I want him in. I reach for a needle and his eyes widen in wonder. He offers something muffled into the mask but I just return an evil smile as his reward._

_'Oh the time for begging for help ended long ago Detective,' I mention with a soft whisper as I ready the needle. 'Now it's time for your previous life to end.' I plunge the needle into his neck and he offers a gasp in pain. I watch with twisted pleasure as he tries in vain to fight whatever I have injected him with before sinking back into darkness once more; Shane finally returning._

_'Undo the straps and let's see what else is injured. We need him alive and in good shape for this to work.'_

_'But why not just kill him?'_

_'There is no fun in death. He stole my life from me; forced me into a world of darkness and despair with no hope of freedom or reprieve. I am now offering him the same. I am going to take away what he loves and holds dear; his very sanity and free will and replace his future with one of my own choosing; one devoid of love and hope. Now let's get started.'_

XXXXXXXX

I try to tell myself that Mac is strong and in good shape and that maybe he's checked himself into a hospital someplace, is passed out and will call at any second or when he wakes up. Not wanting to go home, I am back at the lab as it's closer; changing into the spare outfit I keep in my locker for occasions of emergency; this qualifies. I finally finish getting dressed and rush back past Mac's office. My mind shows me a picture of him, sitting at his desk, looking up with a smile on his handsome face; but as I blink my eyes, the image fades from my memory and I am only rewarded with an empty space, devoid of life. I race for the stairs and in a matter of minutes am back in the truck and on the road; heading for the location, I hope my partner has been found. But as I reach the area some time later, I am only rewarded with tense frowns and angry words.

"Nothing yet," Flack tells me as he and Sheldon climb inside the warm truck cabin.

"So now what?" I ask in fear. "Flack I refuse to go home until he's found; until we know something."

However, when I am not rewarded with an answer, I look at both of them in suspect. "What?" I ask in dread.

"Captain Wyndam of Search and Rescue thinks he might have been taken by the current further into the channel. If that's the case and he was unconscious or injured in any way..."

"I refuse to believe Mac is dead," I state in an angry huff.

"They are going to resume again in the morning," Flack informs me in a soft tone; his hand resting on my shoulder. "Stella, I'm sorry. This storm is just too powerful to risk lives on uncertainty and guessing. Even their best boat had trouble navigating the channel; and it's built for times like this."

I look up at him in watery remorse, shaking my head; refusing to accept the fact that my future is now being rewritten thanks to an act of a sinister force. "I'm going to stay," I tell them in a morbid whisper.

"Stella, you can't. It's well into the early morning and..." Sheldon starts in concern.

"Sheldon you need to go home and rest. I'm staying and I don't know why either of you are even to try to convince me otherwise," I huff. Flack nods to Sheldon, who offers a whispered sorry as he finally takes his leave.

"Stella, I'm not leaving you here alone. The scene is marked off and we'll have a man at each end and traffic will be diverted," Flack informs me. "But with the darkness, the pounding rain and basically all hell breaking loose out here, we can't do anything further without risking lives."

"He can't be gone. Not like this," I whisper in misery as my eye water once more. Flack places a damp arm around my shoulder and allows me my muffled whimpers. "He wouldn't want me to give up."

"He also would want you to look after the team; trust me he knows you'd never just give up until every avenue was exhausted. And trust me any other night, under normal circumstances you and I would be out there right now; but we have to bow to the power of nature this time and wait until morning."

"Mac where are you?" I offer in a sad whisper; my breath now painful in my lungs and my heart starting to ache inside my body. I don't expect Don to answer as I know even he doesn't know. I close my eyes momentarily; picturing Mac's smiling face once more; refusing to allow his death to come to reality.

"I'll find you Mac, just hold on," I offer in torment as Flack puts his arm around me and allows me a brief moment of sorrow.

XXXXXXXX

_'Colin I don't see any major internal injuries besides the broken ribs and dislocated shoulder. The scrapes and bruises are nothing of concern,' Shane informs me as he puts his scope away. He reaches for the heavy bandages and starts to crudely wrap them around Taylor's chest; securing his ribs to try to help them mend._

_'Burn his clothes and make sure you also burn anything with his blood on it,' I direct firmly. 'His team is the best at what they do and I don't want them finding anything they shouldn't; especially his partner, Stella Bonasera. That woman is relentless! Then bring the clothes I bought for him.'_

_I look back down at my injured captive, offering another twisted smile as he finally starts to come to again. I remove the mask and he takes a labored breath._

_'Sleep well?' I offer Taylor with a look of mock concern; not really sorry for the pain I am inflicting on the man before me._

_'Hurts...' he slightly wheezes._

_'It will for some time,' I inform him. 'Do you know your name?'_

_Once again I watch in fascination as the torment in his blue eyes starts to swell as he searches inside his muddled brain for the correct answer. I am rewarded with a deep frown and another head shake of no. _

_'What is...my name?' He finally asks in a soft whisper._

_'I'll tell you when I'm ready.'_

_'What?...Why?'_

_'Because you need to rest right now.'_

_'Why...am I...here?' He asks with a dry swallow, his eyes watering once more; his lungs sore to offer oxygen and his chest on fire from the broken ribs and the crash impact. _

_'Because I am the only person in the world that is your friend,' I tell him and he frowns once more; again searching my face for familiarity and once again finding none._

_'Can't...move,' he utters again. 'Why?'_

_'Because you are strapped down to a stretcher,' I tell him and he looks up at me in panic. 'Don't worry, I am not going to hurt you,' I lie. 'Are you cold?'_

_'Yes,' he answers simply. _

_'Well you'll be cold for sometime to come, I'm afraid. You'll dress when I let you,' I continue and he finally tries to look around. I watch his eyes start to inspect the room; wondering where he is and why nothing looks familiar. He glances down at the rest of himself but can't see the straps as he's covered with a sheet and then looks up at me in wonder._

_'Privacy,' I smile. 'Oh I'm twisted alright, but not that much.'_

_'When...can I...leave?' He asks with a slight cough._

_I look down at him with a frown before slowing shaking my head. 'Leave? You're not going to leave. Maybe never.'_

_'Why?'_

_'Because this is your home.'_

_'Who...are you?'_

_'Me? I'm the only person you're going to see for the rest of your life.'_

* * *

**A/N:** okay so what do you think? Should I continue? End it here? Want to know what's going to happen to Mac? How will he get out? Who finds him? What his captor has in mind for him? What Stella will do when she finds him? Please review and let me know if I should write more. The more reviews = faster updates! Thanks


	2. Somewhere between Oblivion & Reality

**Title: A Criminal Mind  
Chapter 2 – Somewhere between Oblivion & Reality **

**A/N:** THanks for the great reviews! So yes I will continue and I hope you continue to enjoy this adventure. Lots of tension and angst but don't worry some lovin' too. Hope you enjoy this chapter also.

* * *

_Everything hurts, my body to move, my chest to breathe and my brain to think. My head is throbbing and my face is sore. My arms and legs refuse to cooperate and I feel a chill and am trembling all over. All I remember is darkness, panic, a bright light and then waking up in a dizzy fog, looking into a face I have never seen before and knowing nothing that I should._

_The first time I woke up it was into thick haze and painful, my body was unable to move and something was over my mouth and I couldn't breathe very well; panic gripped me until I looked into the face of a person hovering over me, telling me he was going to help. I am strapped to a stretcher and he's a doctor going to take care of me, telling me I am breathing oxygen for my bruised lungs. I should take comfort in his help but for some reason I don't. Where am I really? What has happened to me to put me in such a state? Who am I? What is going on?_

_I ask questions but none of the answers make sense, my brain painful as I force myself to remember simple things that I should know – like my own name._

_'What is my name?'_

XXXXXXXX

I finally wander back to the truck with Flack at my side, my heart heavy and my mind in anguish. "I'll not sleep tonight and you know it," I mention as another cruiser finally pulls up and Jessica gets out and rushes toward us; offering Flack a quick hug and me a look of concern.

"Stella, anything?" She dares to ask and I nod my head 'no' in sorrow.

"I am told I have to quit," I offer Flack in anger; forcing him to look at me in remorse.

"Stella…" he starts.

"I can stay with you, if you'd like," Jessica tells me and Flack's eyes move from me to her. "Trust me if it was _you_, I wouldn't be going home to sleep either," she insists and Flack just shakes his head. "Now go and get some dry clothes and then come back," she instructs him and then looks at me before taking his leave and we finally push ourselves into the front cabin of the truck; closing out the raging storm.

"We found his watch," I mumble in a numb tone. "By a branch, looks like he might have tried to climb out but fell in the water," I inform her, my eyes offering fresh tears once again.

"Mac has been through a lot, you've told me. He has good survival instincts right?"

"What if he wasn't conscious? Or passed out very soon after he was in the water?" I dare to ask. "So many scenarios are possible and my brain hurts thinking about it."

"I'm sure wherever he is, if he's able, he's thinking of you," she tells me with a kind smile; touching my and offering a squeeze of support. "You know Mac would never give up."

XXXXXXXX

~Colin Morris~

"What is my name?" Taylor asks once more.

"Your name is John Smith," I tell my confused captive with a serious face. He looks up at me with a frown, trying to get the name to register but offering a look of confusion when it doesn't.

"Why…am I here?" He manages with a weak voice.

"This is your home," I reply easily.

"What happened…to me?"

"You were in a bad car accident tonight and have a few injuries."

"Are you…a doctor?" He tries again.

"As a matter of fact I am," I smile down at him. Oh Detective Taylor, I chide in my mind; you are making this almost too easy for me. But when I hear the title _Doctor,_ my heart actually skips a beat. I was one once a brilliant doctor in the field of neuro progressive medicine. Most of it experimental but my theories are sound and despite the labels that were offered to me later; mostly due to the man before me, I still hold out onto my title of genius. Self proclaimed but I'll take comfort in what I can.

"Who are…" he asks once more and my patience is wearing thin. Despite his condition, I can't feel that sorry for the man before me as my brain only replays haunting images of my life being ripped away by what he did.

"You need to rest now."

"But…" he starts in angry protest.

"I SAID…" I start in a shout and he quickly subsides; showing me who's really in control of him now. "We'll talk more later."

"Everything hurts," he whispers.

"That's because you were in an accident tonight and you need to just rest."

"Cold," he states again in a half whisper.

I look up at Shane who only offers a frown of concern. "_John_," I emphasize so my half witted helper will start to use that name around Taylor instead of his own slipping out, "would like to have his clothes back. Help him get dressed?"

I very carefully undo the straps holding him to the stretcher and watch in fascination as Shane approaches and his body tenses up. "John, he's not going to hurt you."

Taylor looks up at me with a worried glance and I just smile in return; as if offering this once strong man before me a safe haven against the world around him. The fact that this former marine at my finger tips was trained to withstand any kind of near death scenario is now scared of a harmless individual who only wants to help him and actually allowing me to mold his future is almost unnerving.

Of course I know his head wound will heal, and in time, without hindrance his memory will return. Thankfully I smile, as I eye the pills and needle beside the bed, with a little help and hindrance from me, his memory won't return at all; and whatever does return will be so saturated with my ideas that the old Mac Taylor will never surface again. But I know strong will is a force to be reckoned with and I know he has that and so I need to keep his will down; I need to break him down to nothing so that he doesn't care to seek out the past, doesn't care to remember who Mac Taylor really was. He might be scared now but I know that won't last long and I need to be prepared.

I watch Shane take his arm and he starts to fight back, offering a small angry curse as he tries to keep himself free; proving right now that despite his condition his will is still strong and he is stubborn as always.

"John, he won't hurt you. But if you don't allow him to help, you'll have to sleep in nothing but what you have on, which, well isn't much."

He looks down the dark underwear he is wearing and then over at the clothes in Shane's hand and frowns. "Fine," is all he is able to offer in resignation; his body feeling the chill from the stone cold room and his own nerves.

"Very good. And then we'll show you to your room and then it's time for some medicine and sleep."

"Medicine?" He asks, a hint of fear replacing wonder. "What kind?"

"To help with your memory and your injuries," I reply in haste. I notice as this once proud man, very sure of himself watches in fear as Shane once again comes and tries to help him get dressed. However, he takes the jeans and sweater, pushes himself off the stretcher but instead of being able to stand on firm legs; his wobbly ones give out and he crashes to the floor, offering a cry of pain in return for his actions; his freshly bandaged ribs once again breaking under the pressure of his weight. I allow myself to relish in his helpless state awhile longer before helping him back up to a sitting position.

"As I said," I start in a smug tone. "Shane will _help you_."

XXXXXXXX

"Stella," Jessica mentions about an hour later; breaking me from my light slumber and morbid thoughts. I quickly push my eyes open, my heart automatically starting to beat faster as I look outside and notice a rather concerned looking man walking in our direction with something dark in his hand.

"Oh no," I utter in a horrified whisper as I quickly open the door and rush out to meet him; Jessica right beside me.

"Detective Stella Bonasera?" He asks in stern tone.

"Anything?" I can only manage in a weak voice.

"Captain Wyndam. Does this belong to Detective Taylor?" He asks, holding up Mac's soaked and torn outer coat.

My eyes instantly water as I gaze upon the item that should have been his outer shell; providing at least some kind of warmth against the damp cold. I offer a nod and then feel Jessica's arm around my shoulder.

"Detective, I'm sorry, but we also found these. Now this wind is almost too much and we need to call it a night," he says holding up a plastic bag with Mac's dented Shield and flashlight. I feel my stomach lurch and my heart nearly explode as I reach out with a trembling hand and take them from the man before me.

"Now those were found with his coat near the mouth of the channel, about a mile downstream. We searched as best we could near the rafters but we can't chance to go under in this weather or I'll put my own men at risk. We'll be back here at first light. I pray he can hold on, if he managed to get snagged underneath. Now I hate to be the naysayer but from all my years of experience, a man couldn't survive in these waters for very long; much less a man that's injured; I don't care where he did his cold weather survival training. I'm sorry," he offers once more as he turns and heads back to a small group of men waiting for their next instructions.

"We'll resume our search at first light," I hear him tell them and I turn to Jessica in horror.

"They can't give up," I utter in a soft whisper; shaking my head no as Jessica numbly leads me back to the truck and out of the driving rain. She helps me into the passenger seat and then hurries to the driver's side and gets in; looking at me in concern.

"I am not going to tell you to try to get some sleep because if it was Don out there I know I would never sleep either. But you can't stay out here…" she starts.

"I can't leave," I offer in protest.

"Don has men all around here Stella," she tries again in a soft tone. "Trust me no one wants to give up on Mac and no one is going to. But it's almost three in the morning you are now soaked and we all need to get some warm clothes on. Let's go back to Don's and take it from there. I brought you a spare outfit that's dry."

I look at her in sorrow and she just offers a tight frown in reply before starting up the truck and slowly turning us away. My eyes are fixed out the cold window, searching for my partner and the one man I know in my heart that I love more than life itself. "Mac," I whisper in misery.

I hear Jessica calling Don, telling him that we'll meet at his place and then formulate a new plan; praying the weather cooperates a little bit over the next few hours. I look down at his dented badge in the plastic bag and my heart actually starts to beat painfully in my burdened chest. I stare back out the window and can almost hear Mac's voice calling to me for help. But I don't want to close my eyes; I know the images my mind will offer will only be tormented and horrible. We head back into the city; my world slowly caving in on me.

_Oh Mac, where are you?_

XXXXXXXX

~Colin Morris~

I help Taylor finally steady himself and watch in fascination as his eyes start to examine the room he's in; as if inside he's still the same old CSI working a crime scene instead of a man trying to remember who he is and where he is.

"It's time for sleep," I mention firmly; taking him by the arm and fairly dragging him toward a small doorway.

"Body hurts," he mumbles.

"It will subside when you rest," I tell him in a stern tone.

"Where am I?" He asks in a small nervous tone; his eyes once again darting around to see if he can understand where he is.

"You are home," I reply with a contented smile.

"I live here?" He asks in almost contempt making my disdain toward him once again swell.

"All your life," I lie easily and he looks at me with a deep frown. I pull the door open and usher him into a small windowless room; furnished with nothing more than a single bed and a mirror and nothing on the cold stone walls. "Homey isn't it?"

"Seems bare," he mumbles.

"You like bare," I once again tell him falsely.

His eyes search the walls for anything familiar but since they are bare there is nothing for him to latch onto; nothing familiar that will help him piece together his now missing past. He looks into a mirror and offers a small gasp as he looks at his haggard and beat up appearance and then looks toward me for an explanation.

"It was a head on car accident. They will all heal," I offer and he quickly looks away. "Come on _John_, bed time," I tell him with a hint of annoyance. He reluctantly heads for the small bed and slowly eases himself down; offering a painful wince as he finally connects with the firm mattress.

"Take these for the pain," I direct, holding out two white memory inhibiting pills in my hand with a small glass of water that Shane just brought for me. He looks at them in suspect but finally reaches for them and I am rewarded with him taking the memory inhibiting drugs and downing them with the water.

"And this one," I remind him, holding out a mild sedative; knowing this won't work against the powerful memory inhibitors that I just gave him. "To help you sleep."

He offers a small curse but takes it also and finally lays down, looking up at me in wonder. "Are you going to help me?" He asks in concern.

"Oh more than you could possibly imagine. Tomorrow we'll start on some memory lessons, okay? So I can help you remember who you are!" I state with a smug smile; trying to hide my joyous control I have over the man before me; a man who at one time so very proudly stood before a jury of my peers and told them that not only was I not fit to be among descent people but that I should never be allowed to practice any kind of medicine in the state of New York or the United States as long as I drew breath. He won that small battle; probably relishing in his victory for only a brief period; but as I stare at his frail condition, I know I will relish in his miserable state for sometime to come.

He finally mutters a fine and reaches for the small blanket and covers himself with it. "It's cold in here."

"You like cold," I lie; knowing that the cold will keep his body from healing properly and start to break down his will. And since I want his stay here to be somewhat miserable; the blanket isn't that heavy and the heat won't be high in this room tonight; he'll feel his pain, his misery, his suffering; everything I was forced to endure, he now shall reap.

A few minutest later, the sedative finally kicks in and his swollen eye lids finally close for what I hope is the last time this night. But just in case it's not, I take the arm that wasn't injured in the crash and handcuff it to the iron bed frame; my insurance so that I can also get some sleep before our busy day tomorrow and he won't be up wandering around, finding something he shouldn't. And while the door does lock I can't chance that right now, if he needs some kind of help tonight, I need to know and be ready just in case so it stays open.

"Sleep well Detective Taylor," I whisper as I stand up and slowly head for the doorway. "When I am done with you, you'll wish you never uttered my name." I flip the light; encasing him in darkness; sealing the small tomb that will now be his home.

"Shane, lets get ready for tomorrow."

XXXXXXXX

I numbly walk into Flack's apartment; like a zombie just awoken from a terrible sleep only to find that my world isn't what it was when I first left and I'll do anything to go back. I try not to think of Mac, hurt, alone, injured and helpless out in the terrible storm, while I am here wondering when I'll be able to hold him in my arms once again.

"It's like I can't breathe," I whisper in misery to Jessica.

"We'll find him," she whispers, giving me a small hug. "Stella, I'll make some coffee. I know you won't listen but please just go into Don's bedroom and try to at least close your eyes and rest," Jessica tells me.

I'm too mentally drained to do anything except offer a small nod of compliance and wander into Don's bedroom and slump down in angry exhaustion. But as soon as my head hits his pillow, I am unable to do anything other than bury my head in the soft material and cry for however long my body will afford me. After I have spent everything I have inside in the way of strength or energy, I finally feel my eyes closing for good and I'm quickly whisked away into the dark realm of tormented dreams.

_Stella help me, _I keep hearing Mac's voice in my head and every few minutes am pulled from my nightmarish state in a fit of panic and helplessness.

However about an hour later I am quickly pulled from my nightmarish stupor once again; my ears picking up the sound of a phone and I'm off the bed and rushing into the main living area.

"Thanks Sully," Flack offers with a huff, looking up at me with a frown. "Sorry to wake you. Nothing still. I told Sully to check in with me every few hours and that's what he did. The rain has started to ease, so hopefully as soon as its light out we'll be able to put a few more men in the water. Want some coffee?"

"No," is all I can manage as I turn and head back into the dark bedroom and slump myself back down in angry defeat. I don't want to close my eyes again as all I'm shown is Mac injured, calling to me for help before the dark swirling waters swallow him up; shattering my future with one large gulp. I feel my eyes water once more as I picture his hand trying to hold on to the slippery branch; the other one possibly injured; calling for help, his watch getting caught before his weight pulls him into the deadly waters below.

Fresh tears start to escape the corners of my eyes and run down my flushed face as I see Mac trying to fight the current; grasping at whatever he can find to hang onto, before the murky waters wrap around his legs and pull him under, chocking the very life out of him before his body is swept out into open sea.

"Mac," I whisper in torment. But despite all that, I refuse just yet to believe he's dead. My mind wants to offer only images based on the facts presented; but in my heart I can't just abandon hope just yet. I feel him; I know he's alive. However, once again, due to extreme physical and mental exhaustion, my eyes close once more and I am whisked away into the miserable world of unconsciousness.

_Mac, where are you?_

XXXXXXXX

_I awake several hours later; my head is pounding and my chest is sore and breathing is laborious. One of my arms is above my head but when I try to pull it down I realize that it is fastened to something and I am unable to yank it free. I feel it in panic, letting my fingers try to recognize the piece of steel that is holding me in place; it feels familiar and my brain should know what it is but I can't say it's name right now.._

_'Why am I trapped to this bed?' I wonder as my body starts to feel the chill from the stone cold room that I am sleeping in; the blanket that was provided to me does little to hold whatever bit of body heat my injured frame will allow and I know I'm slightly shivering. I was only given jeans and a sweater to wear but neither affords me any comfort and I am wondering if I was meant to feel this miserable. Who is the man that his helping me? Why would a doctor bring me here?_

_I try to move once more but my body is stiff and sore I can do nothing more than offer a cry of pain and slump back into my original position. If I was in an accident, why am I being treated this way? Shouldn't I be looked after? Cared for? Do I deserve this treatment? Maybe I do?_

_'Who am I?' I can't help but wonder in a panic. I try to get my brain to focus on anything but all it flashes me is images of a strange woman smiling at me; a woman with curly hair and green eyes and then I see a bright light and I wake up looking into the face of a man I don't know. He says I should know him but I can't remember if I do or not. _

_He tells me my name is John Smith. Sounds plain, but I guess you can't be picky about the name you are given. Still John Smith sounds very odd. I search my brain once again for anything that will help me figure out where I am and what my name is but all it tells me is that I am in pain and this man wants to help me._

_'But why am I trapped to this bed?' I echo my question from earlier. My eyes have a hard time adjusting to the dark room I am enclosed in; and the small sliver of light coming in from under the doorframe affords me nothing comforting. My shoulder hurts and my chest has a dull thud in it every time I take a breath, but he said my ribs were broken so I assume the pain inside is from that; my face is still sore and has cuts and bruises on it and everything just aches when I try to move even an inch. My head is throbbing and one side is worse than the other. My cold fingers gingerly touch the bandage, feel the large bump and then quickly them pull back when a fresh hint of pain is offered and my body tenses up. What happened tonight? _

_'Who am I?' I wonder again; the sleeping sedative trying frantically to pull me back into its cozy abode. Finally I close my weary eyes and try to fix my brain on anything useful. I see the woman's face once again smiling at me and I finally find some comfort in this hell I am forced to endure. Who is she?_

XXXXXXXX

"Morning," Jessica greets me as I slowly walk into the kitchen; my mood still down and my countenance still low. "Coffee?"

"Sure," I offer with a sad nod.

"Stella," Flack greets me as he enters the room, already dressed and ready to go. "Captain Wyndam and his men are already in the water. Thankfully the storm has mostly abated and they are going to search further down the channel under the pier. Daylight has afforded us better opportunities to search and the team is back at the scene, documenting whatever the storm didn't damage. Sinclair has asked for an update and I'll handle that if you and Jess want to head back out."

"Thanks," I automatically reply; trying to swallow my sorrow and put on a brave face for the rest of the world to see. But Jessica and I waste no time in filling up our coffee cups, grabbing some left over bagels and rushing out the door; heading back to the crime scene.

"What if he was found but with no memory?" I ponder as Jessica drives us back to the place we were the night before. "There was front end damage so maybe he hit his head. Maybe he did get out and can't call because he can't remember who he is or who to call?"

"There is always that possibility," she mentions.

"But I'm grasping at straws right?" I offer with a light frown.

"Trust me Stella, if it were Don in this situation, I would be including abduction from aliens just to keep hope alive," she tells me and I can't help but offer a weak smile. We finally reach the scene and she stops the truck and I look at the busy activity before me. Sheldon and Danny are at one part of the scene and Lindsay and Adam are at another; the team is humming right along as Mac trained them to do; knowing he wouldn't expect anything less from people he hand picked to work in his lab.

But it's the water that holds my eyes and attention captive; as that's where I'm praying they'll find him alive.

"Now we wait," Jessica frowns.

"I hate waiting."

XXXXXXXX

_'Good morning John,' the strange man greets me as he very slowly pushes the door to my room open and walks up to me; looking down with an odd expression. 'Sleep well?'_

_'Why am I trapped to this bed?' I want to know as I try once again to pull my arm free, my frustration starting to grow, my body still cold and slightly shivering._

_'The handcuff was for your own good,' he offers with a strained tone. 'I didn't want you to get up in the middle of the night and re-break the ribs I worked so hard to mend the night before.'_

_'I would have just stayed put. Why are my ribs broken?' I ask with a slight wince as he finally frees my arm and I slowly bring it to my side; my body is still cold and I once again wince whenever I have to move._

_'You were in the car accident, remember? I told you that last night.'_

_'I remember a bright light,' I offer with a frown._

_'Lighting strike,' he answers in half truth; the rest of the details he of course will keep from me; details of an accident that he helped plan. I search his face, looking for anything familiar but finding nothing to give me hope of who this man is and why I am here._

_'Do you remember me?' He asks again in concern._

_'No,' I simply manage. 'Who are you?'_

_'John, I'm your brother.'_

_My brother, I wonder inside. Must be older as he looks older than me, but I don't remember him at all. 'My brother?' I finally ask in confusion._

_'I'm someone who wants to help,' he tells me and my frustration grows._

_'Where am I?'_

_'John, this is your home. Now we are going in circles,' he informs me as he pushes the cover aside and helps me sit up. My head is dizzy and the room starts to lightly spin. 'Today we are going to do some memory training,' he tells me as he and the other strange man help me stand up. 'To help you get better.'_

_'Shouldn't I just rest?' I ask with a frown._

_'Do you want to remember anything or not?' He asks gruffly._

_'Yes of course,' I mumble. I look at the younger man to my right; again searching for anything that I can use as a memory marker._

_'Do you remember him?' The older man asks._

_'No,' is once again all I can reward them with. I turn to the older man and frown when he smiles back. Why is he smiling at me? Is he happy I can't remember? That would be odd since he's trying to help me. Little do I know those words are furthest from the truth; and the man I'm with is actually holding me captive, a man bent on my own personal downfall and ultimate demise._

_'Come on John,' he directs, lightly dragging me back into the main room. 'Time for some breakfast.'_

_I am ushered to a small table and offered a drink and two more white pills; it doesn't look very appealing but since this room is warmer, I'm just happy to finally be feeling some warmth cover me instead of cold shivers._

_'My head hurts,' I tell them as I slowly sit down at the table. _

_'These will help,' he states in a firm tone._

_'I don't want any more pills,' I reply and he slams his open palm on the table, making me slightly jump and look up in wonder. _

_'These are for your own good. Your head hurts because you have a large gash in it and have sustained temporal frontal swelling resulting in neuro damage. But we have been through this. Your memory will come back but only if you do exactly what I tell you do to. Do you understand?' He finishes in an angry shout._

_Why is he shouting at me? I thought he wanted to help? I look into his eyes; dark haunting eyes devoid of feeling and compassion; searching for anything familiar but finding only bleakness and despair, no answers that will suffice my anguished mind._

_'Fine,' I huff as I take the pills and the thick drink that is before me and start to consume them. He hands me some excuse about my stomach being tender from the accident and the protein drink will not only nourish but help me heal; I have no reason not to believe or trust him so I take what he offers and down it in minutes._

_'Excellent John,' he praises and I offer a faint smile. 'Time to get to work.'_

_'But you said I was in an accident last night. Shouldn't I just be resting?'_

_'Here are your two options,' he tells me with a huff. 'You can go and sit in the cold room, since I won't allow you to sleep now that you are awake, or you can stay in this warm room and try to get better. Which do you want!_

_'I want to get better,' I reply in sorrow. My whole body is in pain and my head is still throbbing; making the room lightly spin and my tired eyes offer slightly blurry images. I don't know a lot about medical procedures it seems and I know he wants to help but I just need to rest; I'm so tired I feel like I could pass out at any moment now._

_However, my plight seems to be lost on him as he takes me by the arm and leads me to a small chair and forces me to sit down in it. He wraps two straps over my wrists and two over my feet; strapping me to the chair and I feel my heart start to beat faster and my panic start to rise as I try in vain to pull myself free. _

_'But…' I start as he simply pushes my head back down onto the padded pillow. 'What is this for?'_

_'This is for your own good,' he tells me as he fits a mask over my mouth and nose; filling my oxygen intake with something that is starting to make me light headed once again. He fixes two large headphones over my ears and I hear a man's strict voice come to life in my head. My eyes frantically look around but I soon notice the room start to blur and the more I turn my head the sicker I feel. I can't throw up right now and so swallow hard and try to keep myself at least awake. I have no choice but to slump back into the chair and allow the gas to continue to assault my system; rendering me helpless but not sending me into darkness completely, just as he wanted. What is going on?_

_The man's harsh voice continues to talk to me in a stern way; it's the same voice as the man who is trying to help me. I try to close my eyes and focus on the face of the woman in my dreams, but when his voice says something else my eyes snap open and I can do little more than start to digest all the false messages he's now planting in my muddled brain and her image starts to fade. _

XXXXXXXX

After another few hours; after we have combed over every inch of the crime scene I watch as Captain Wyndam and two of his men finally emerge from the water and walk up to me with grim expressions.

"Anything?" I ask in eager expectation.

"We found a few more things," he tells me and my eyes once again water as I see him hold up a plastic bag with Mac's shoe, wallet and small notebook. With a shaky hand I take the bag, but before my trembling fingers can drop it to the ground, Danny quickly grabs it and holds it for me.

"This was found near the mouth of the channel; but then it's into open water and that is almost impossible to search without a direct heading or location reference. My men have checked under the pier from here all the way out and if he was under there, we would have seen him. Coast Guard is going to track the water currents from last night and try to project where his body might be, but to be honest I don't give it much hope of finding him still alive. I'm very sorry."

I can only offer a nod in agreement; since my heart is beating so fast and my brain too terrified to actually comprehend that Mac is now presumed drown; possibly dead. And while he might not have come out and directly told me that, I know that's what I'll be told next.

I turn to Danny with a horrified look and his face also offers once of pain and torment.

"He can't be dead…Mac can't be dead…they have to find him. They just have to."

"Stella, they are the best at what they do," he offers and I just nod in agreement.

"I know," I whisper. "Mac would be proud."

"Lindsay and I are almost done here and we'll take what we found back to the lab and get started. Maybe there was someone out here that we can contact who saw something," Danny tells me. "It's not much but at least it's something, right?"

"Right," I agree as I head for Sheldon. I need to do something; anything to keep my mind focused on anything other than the thought that Mac is dead and that I'll never see him again; that he died alone, fighting for his life; that I never got to tell him that I love him.

Another few hours painfully pass and I watch as the search and rescue team finally dock; for what I fear is the last time. Flack and Jessica are on either side as we watch Captain Wyndam head for us with a heavy frown of concern.

"Coast Guard has done what they can and we have followed the current out to open sea, they'll try a bit longer but with the fast moving current last night...well I'm sorry. We need at least another twenty-four hours to declare him officially lost and then," he stops, offering a heavy sigh. "I'm very sorry about this. I wish I had better news and I wish I could have either given you hope or closure, Detective Bonasera. But we have nothing. The current was too strong last night. Again I'm sorry," he tells us as he looks at Flack. "Detective Flack, you'll have my report on your desk as soon as I can."

"Thank you Captain," he finishes, offering Don a firm handshake before he takes his leave.

My eyes, however, are fixed on the watery landscape before me. "Mac can't be gone," I whisper in morbid fear. "I refuse to declare him dead," I tell them; shaking my head, trying to clear the images of Mac's cold drown body being fished out of the merciless waters by strangers.

I turn back to them with a firm nod. "Someone saw something out here, I'll bet anything on it and I'm not going to rest until I find who saw him."

"Stella…" Jessica starts with a sad tone.

"I know this sounds stupid, but in my heart I know he's alive. And yes, maybe that's hanging on to silly sentimentality but that's all I have to feed my hope right now and I'm going to use that while I still have energy to do so."

"What do you need from us?"

"Can you keep this area closed?"

"As long as this weather is bad," Flack informs me. "But Stella, once they start repairing it, anything else will be lost."

"I know," I huff. "I'm heading back to the lab. I need to work," I tell them as I head back to the truck; my heart once again racing. I get into the drivers seat and fix a firm glance toward the waters once more.

"Mac I know you are alive and I'll not give up on you. I will find you."

XXXXXXXX

~Colin Morris~

"Shane how is our guest?" I ask walking back into the room Detective Taylor is still trapped in; strapped to the chair, his brain being forced suggestions of what I want him to know.

"He's tried to ask questions a few times," Shane tells me with a frown, a hint of concern for Taylor starting to surface. "Should we stop the lesson now?"

"Yes several hours have passed; give him a bit of a break," I direct as I walk up to my captive guest and smile down at him. He looks up with a frown; the gas still making him groggy but not putting him to sleep; just as I wanted. I don't care if he's still hurt from the accident last night; and I don't care if his body is in pain. In fact the more uncomfortable he is, the better my state of mind. He looks like hell and I'm sure is feeling exactly the same way. His body will heal but I need to break down his will before he regains that too. Mac Taylor is a stubborn, willful, headstrong man; that I need to wash out of him and replace those attributes with fear, denial and despair.

"Hello John," I smile as I carefully remove the mask from his flushed face. His watery blue eyes once again look into my; begging for an explanation into his past and why he can't remember anything he wants to; his mind now only telling him what I want it to know; which of course is nothing about the real Mac Taylor and the man he once was, or the life he was forced to leave behind.

"How do you feel?"

"Sick," he softly manages. "Where do I live?" He tries again with a heavy frown.

"Here, with me," I offer and he looks away in disappointment. "But you've always been happy here."

"Always?" He asks in surprise, his head snapping back to face my evil gaze.

"Don't you like it here?"

"What do I do?" He asks and I feel my frustration starting to grow.

"You are here with us," I answer in haste.

"So I do nothing?" He asks with a clenched jaw.

I always figured Taylor would have a strong sense of will; in essence that was part of the excitement for me, but his insolence is starting to wear on my nerves a little faster than I expected. However, I remind myself I had five years to plan this moment and his memory transformation won't happen over night.

"Are you hungry?" I ask, ignoring his question.

"I just want to know what I d…" he tries again my patience is gone.

"ARE YOU HUNGRY?" I shout in anger; forcing him once again to know who's in control.

He looks at me in shock but finally nods his head yes. "Shane, get him another drink. Don't push your luck either," I warn him as I turn on my heel and head for my small office. I close the door and offer a heavy sigh as I head back to my computer; allowing Shane to undo Taylor from the chair and let him have another protein drink that I made; the drink that now has the drugs mixed into it; the drugs that will keep his memory at bay.

I ease myself down into my chair and look at the decorated pieces of paper, framed and hanging on the dirty cement walls. I was once a respected member of the medical community and with one small mistake that was taken all away. Of course that mistake did lead to many others; but I blame the man in the other room for my mental deterioration. I was on the cutting edge of a brand new medical frontier and it's true that I didn't have time to wait on clinical trials or wait for approved testing subjects; I needed viable candidates and sometimes they weren't always willing.

I look at the name and curse. I call myself Colin Morris as that name is untraceable. My real name; the name of the man Mac Taylor put away is a name I refuse to recognize; a name that died five years ago.

However as I cast an evil glance at the man in the other room, a smile starts to form on my lips. "Oh Detective Taylor," I start with a low tone. "I'm sure even you would be able to appreciate the irony of this. The one man in the world that you sent away for doing his job; is now the one man keeping you from doing yours," I finish and fill the room with low mocking laughter. "And when I'm finished with you, you'll hate the one person you've always valued the most – _yourself_."

XXXXXXXX

I head back into the lab, my heart painfully pushing against my chest as I slowly head past Mac's office. Once again, I force myself to see an image of him seated at his desk, looking up at me, a smile upon his handsome face, his eyes locking with mine, telling me more than just something work related.

However, when I blink some watery tears away, Mac's image fades and all that looks back is an empty room with a hollow sound. I head into the lab and look at our team with a smile of pride. Much like me, they'll never give up on finding Mac alive.

"Stella," Sheldon says coming up to me with a perplexed look.

"Find something?"

"A piece of skin on the inside of Mac's watch. I ran a DNA match and it's not Mac's. Now we have no match in the system," he huffs. "But this proves that someone either tried to help, or…"

"Pushed him in," I finish with a large lump in my throat. "We need that name. If someone out there knows the truth about Mac, I want them and I want them now."

"Yes ma'am," he tells me with a firm nod and turns to leave. And for the first time in hours, my mind is once again filled with hope of finding out what happened to Mac.

"I'll find you Mac, I promise. Please just don't give up on us yet. I will find you."

XXXXXXXX

_Being in that damn chair for the past few hours confused me even more. It didn't tell me anything about my past or who I am or what kind of man I really am. Nothing about my life here and nothing about what I do or my family history. _

_By body is in pain and my head throbbing but I need some answers so I push my weary frame from the small table and go in search of my brother. My eyes continue to search for anything familiar and I feel my frustration growing when I can't place even the simplest object._

_I reach the small room he's tucked himself into and offer a small knock. He tells me to enter and I just look at him with a confused expression._

_'What can I do for you John?' He asks with a somewhat smug tone. _

_'Why do I hate Stella Bonasera? Who is she?'_

* * *

**A/N:** okay so what do you think the answer will be? How will Mac fare on the rest of day two? What does the team find that'll help them look for Mac? If you want to know please review and let me know if I should continue or not. Thanks in advance!

PS: If you want to get technical about the search and rescue details please remember this is fiction and just an adventure to read. Please don't flame.

PSS: Remember to vote in my poll if you haven't already. thanks again


	3. From Beyond the Grave

**Title: A Criminal Mind  
Chapter 3 - From beyond the Grave **

**A/N:** thanks for the reviews....some more angst for Mac but more clues for the team! enjoy

* * *

"Stella, I just examined the piece of wood from the bridge and here is the odd thing," Lindsay tells me with some excitement in her voice. "This piece, was hit by lightning, but this piece was deliberately cut right here; these small saw marks are just too jagged and have a pattern to them to have happened by a freak accident. Now with the rain making the wood soft the weight of a heavy truck like Mac's Avalanche would be just enough to break it."

"So someone deliberately cut parts of the bridge," I ponder.

"Think someone set a trap for Mac?" Lindsay asks in dread.

"Or he just drove into something he shouldn't have," I huff in misery. I look at the two items in her hands and frown. "Rain probably washed away the prints right?"

"Yeah sorry nothing we could find a match to. I did find a hair on his coat and it's the same DNA match to the skin trace that Sheldon found on the watch, but again nothing in the system so we have no ID as of yet. He's running past cases and hopefully we'll get something."

"But this proves that someone was there; someone was with Mac or at least trying to help him last night," I ponder.

"Maybe they tried to help and he fell into the water and now they feel responsible for letting a cop or even another person die and are too afraid to come forward?" Lindsay mentions. "Or they pushed him? Sorry."

"There are so many possibilities," I huff. "We need a solid starting point. What else do you have that I can help with?"

"Just the shoe, wallet and glove that you just brought, we haven't gotten to that. But do you think you'll be able to do that?" She asks in concern, looking at me with a worried expression. "I know you are worried and you and Mac are close. Would be hard for me to work on Danny's stuff."

"I have to," I confess to her. "I can't just do nothing, I'll self-destruct if I let my mind dwell on other possibilities as to where Mac is or what happened to him," I offer weakly and she rewards me with a pained expression. "I'll be okay, but thanks."

I follow after her into the lab, my mind now wondering if a trap was set for Mac or if it was a mistake. My slightly trembling hands quickly pull on some gloves as I take the plastic bag and reach for his wallet first. I my eyes water once more as I start to very carefully examine the battered piece of leather at my fingertips. I swallow back my sorrow as I see two tickets to a music event that Mac and I had talked about attending; one he was going to obviously surprise me with; one we might never get to enjoy now. I know I need to do this for Mac and myself; but as I start to further examine his personal items, my heart is racing with nervous anxiety and I wonder when I'll start to self destruct.

_Oh Mac, where are you?_

XXXXXXXX

_'Who is she?' I ask the man before me in wonder. 'Who is Stella Bonasera?'_

_'She is someone who is very dangerous to you and only wants to do you harm. She is your enemy and someone that could take you away and put you in a very dangerous place.'_

_'But why, what did I do to her?'_

_'John, it's a long story, one that I'll save for you when you are better.'_

_'But...' I try and he quickly shuts me down again. Why doesn't he want me to know everything? He tells me this woman hates me and is my enemy and that I hate her. But why? Who is she really?_

_'You are my brother right?' I ask, my brain relaying the words to my lips; the words the voice has spent the past several hours trying to convince me of; words of untruth._

_'That is correct John, and Shane is your nephew. We live here together and there are people out there who want to hurt us. I am not lying to you.'_

_'Why do they want to hurt us?'_

_'The world is full of bad people John. The others I mentioned also; they too want to take you away to a terrible place.'_

_'Don Flack?' I ask; something odd sounding about that name. In fact, Flack and Bonasera seem to stick in my brain for some reason but I don't know why and as each hour passes my thoughts about them are fading fast; as too is the woman's picture in my dreams, a woman's face that I have come to find some comfort in seeing when I am alone in the darkness._

_'Yes him too.'_

_'What terrible place?'_

_'John, I am not going to offer you all the sordid details right now. They are your enemy and that's all you need to know right now.'_

_'Do I work?' I ask again._

_'No you can't work,' he frowns. 'You are special.'_

_'Why?' I question and I can tell he's getting annoyed. _

_'John, it's time to rest. You look like hell and you have been through a lot. Do you want a sleeping aide?'_

_'I want some answers!'_

_'I'll give them when I'm ready. It's time to rest. Do you need a sleeping pill?'_

_'No, I'm tired and will just sleep on my own,' I tell him in haste; my brow furrowed and my heart racing. My body is still cold and I wonder if I'll ever feel warmth again. 'Who am I really?'_

_'You are a man I am trying to help,' he tells me with a smile that once again seems fake._

_'Can I have a shower?' I try in concern._

_'Later,' he replies simply._

_'But...' I try again. 'Im cold and would like...'_

_'Are you arguing with me?'_

_'No,' is all I manage. His anger toward me surges so easily that I am almost afraid to ask for more help as I think he'll just snap at me and then my nervous anxiety will be high once again. What did I do to deserve all this? Who am I!_

_My head is still dizzy and pounding from the accident and the gas so I simply allow Shane to lead me back to the small bedroom and I curl up on the side that is less injured; my back to the door and fix my tormented gaze on the stone wall before me. _

_I hear the door close and wait until I am sure that I'm alone and then slowly roll onto my back. I know I should be sleeping but this feeling of insecurity and uncertainty is making me angry and so I need to help myself remember anything I can. I close my eyes and try to concentrate but all I see is the woman's beautiful face before it fades and is replaced with a bright flash of light and then I wake up looking at the man who now calls himself my brother. Stella Bonasera. Who is she really? And why do I hate her? Why does she want to do me harm?_

XXXXXXXX

"Stella," Danny calls me on the phone. "Sheldon and I found some more of the wood and it appears to be cut on one side in particular just like the piece Lindsay showed you earlier. The lightning strike covered the rest with singe marks," he huffs. "You think someone planned this to take out Big Mac?"

"I think someone knows what happened to him," I state firmly.

"Flack has two Detectives now canvassing the surrounding area. With theses kinds of storms there is always those nature freaks out at night; maybe one of them was filming the lightning or something and saw what happened to him."

"Call me as soon as you know something more," I instruct Danny as he hangs up. But that has given me an idea and I hurry over to Adam.

"Is there any way to find out which groups would have been out on say the night of the storm? Or perhaps anyone who got footage of that night and might post on YouTube or something?"

"You think maybe someone got on tape what might have happened to Mac?" Adam asks me.

"That's what I'm hoping," I frown.

"I'm on it," he tells me firmly.

I offer a nod and finally notice that my heart isn't racing as fast as it was yesterday. Mac could still be alive, I tell myself. However another thought races around in my head. If a trap was set for him; and he was taken by someone, who has him? And to what purpose?

_Oh Mac, I pray you're still alive._

XXXXXXXX

_I slowly push myself to a sitting position and notice my head is dizzy and the room is starting to spin once again so I just rest for a few more minutes before moving. Every time I close my eyes, I hear his voice in my head telling me terrible things. 'Stella Bonasera is your enemy; Don Flack wants to kill you; Danny Messer is your enemy, you hate Stella Bonasera, Lindsay Monroe is...' and on it went. These names are strange to me but I have to wonder what I might have done to garner so many enemies? What kind of man am I really? And why would he want me to learn these things first before stuff about myself? Why the bad stuff before the good?_

_I hear loud angry talking outside and feel my heart start to beat a bit faster. I finally push myself up to a standing position and slowly head over to the mirror. I look at the large bandage on my head, finally peeling back the soft covering and offering a gasp at the ugly stitching that now covers tender flesh. I quickly place the bandage back over the wound and look at the rest of my injuries; my left eye is still black and my cheek bruised and my face has small cuts from the car glass I can only assume. My eyes are still a bit puffy and tired looking and I can only frown at my reflection; I don't feel good why should I look good? I lift my shirt and spy the wound above my heart. My fingers gingerly touch it and I realize it's not fresh; the skin feels hard, like it's been there for some time. Where did I get this wound? I close my eyes and try to remember but as soon as I open them the room is spinning again and I know I need to lie down. But I take a few quick steps, miss the bed and crash to the floor, offering an angry cry as I my ribs connect oddly with the edge of the bed._

_'John?' My brother asks with an angry expression as the door flies open. 'Why aren't you sleeping?' _

_I don't know why he seems mad at me all the time, isn't he my brother? Shouldn't he treat me better?_

_'Can't sleep,' I offer as he only watches as I painfully push myself back up onto the edge of the bed and then sit back down. Why doesn't he help me?_

_'You need to just rest,' he huffs at me as he puts a hand on my chest and forces me to lie down. He takes my right hand and then once again cuffs it to the iron frame, forcing me to now stay where he wants me._

_'I don't need this,' I offer in protest._

_'Obviously you do!' He snaps._

_'I would have just stayed here,' I tell him in annoyance; as I pull at the piece of steel in anger._

_'John, this is for your own good,' he tells me in a rather smug tone._

_'I'm not a child!'_

_'Then stop acting like one!'_

_'Why doesn't that damn machine tell me about who I am? About my past? That is what's important to me right now. I don't care about my enemies. I want to know who I am!'_

_'John that will come in time, you need to know the important things first and I'm in charge and will so dictate your course of treatment.'_

_'Why do I hate those people? What did I do to them?' I ask as he pushes himself up and turns to leave. 'Please, I need to know,' I lightly beg. 'Who am I really?'_

_'Rest John, when you wake up, you'll have another memory session and things will become a lot clearer,' is all he tells me as he heads back to the door, turns off the light and once again seals me in my dark tomb. _

_'Damn it!' I curse in anger as I slump back in angry defeat._

_My mind now fills with sorrow and anguish as I am forced to just lie where I am, pulling on the stupid handcuff in vain and wondering who I really am and why those people are my enemy? Why the hell am I being treated like this? Was I always treated like this?_

_Help me, I call out to the woman in my mind; almost expecting her to answer. Sadly when I am offered nothing more than a picture of darkness or unrecognizable shapes, I close my eyes in sorrow, feeling them water and knowing that my situation is hopeless._

XXXXXXXX

"Stella," Danny's voice comes to life. "We found a guy that was out last night doing some filming. Flack and I are heading there now. A guy named Ryan Crosby. His girlfriend was walking through the area a while ago and asked what was going on and when we told her, she told us he was out here. Call you when we have something," Danny finishes as he hangs up.

I feel a faint glimmer of hope once again as I watch Lindsay head in my direction with a frown on her normally calm face. "Anything?"

"Nothing," she informs me with a look of disappointment. "Sheldon is still trying to track down that unknown DNA from the hair and skin sample. But the rest of his things were too diluted with sea water to retain anything useful," she huffs, handing me the file.

"Danny and Flack are going to talk to a guy who apparently was out filming last night," I tell her. "I am going to get a coffee and I'll be right back."

"Do you want some company?" Lindsay asks in concern.

"I'll be okay but thanks," I smile.

She offers a nod I and I slowly wander to the now quiet coffee room. In my heart I feel Mac is still alive; but I can't make out anything else about where he is and my heart now aches to have him at my side once again. The halls are quieter now and I feel a sad melancholy starting to consume me once again as I try to fill my coffee cup. I can almost hear Mac making a comment about drinking too much of this stuff and I feel a small smile tugging at my lips.

But I hear other voices talking and my happy memory of Mac quickly fades; I offer them a timid smile and take my leave. In my mind had I tried at one time to wonder what I would think or feel if anything ever happened to Mac; but as much as I know he takes chances in the field, he always comes out of a scrape and is at my side at the end of the day. But not today; today he's missing, some want to think dead, but I refuse to accept that fate on blind faith. Mac would never give up on me, until my body was before him and I know I'll not do anything less for him.

Unless I see his handsome face one more time, I refuse to accept anything other than Mac is missing and I'll not rest until I find him.

_I will not give up on us Mac. I know you are out there and I will find you._

XXXXXXXX

~Colin Morris~

"Shane, did you dispose of the ashes?" I ask in concern.

"Just about to," he answers me in haste.

"Take them a few blocks and be very careful that no one sees you come out of this place. And then hurry back so we can put him back in the chair for another session."

"Will that do, you know permanent damage to his memory?" Shane asks with a frown.

"Hopefully in time," I reply with a smile.

"Permanent?" Shane asks in sorrow.

"I have waited five years for this Shane," I snap in frustrated anger. "You have just as much to lose as I do. If I go down at all, you go back to the '_home_', do you want that?"

"No," he answers in haste.

"Then I know what I'm doing and don't appreciate being questioned!" I huff as I offering him a shooing motion with my hand. I watch as he takes the bag with the ashes of Taylor's clothing remnants and frown. My mind flashes images of my own incarceration in the psychiatric hospital that Mac Taylor forced me into a few years back; and my face crunches with anger as I am administered my first treatment; cursing his name and vowing revenge.

I push myself out of my chair and very carefully make my way over to Taylor's small prison and gently push the door open. I cast my angry gaze upon his sleeping form; he looks somewhat at peace, aside from his battered appearance, but otherwise like he knows nothing about the outside world that he used to be in charge of.

I lean against the door and close my eyes; my mind drifting back five years ago:

_--------_

_'Detective Taylor, what do you have to offer on'_

_'Your Honor, Dr. Oswald has proven that he is not only capable of taking a human life in a cold, calculated way but his lack of remorse has demonstrated that he knew what he was doing when he murdered those people and if not put away will not only do it again; and enjoy doing so.'_

_'Dr. Oswald do you have anything to say in your defense?'_

_I remember being asked the question but my eyes were fixed on the seat that Detective Taylor took a few rows back. I remember he looked at me and offered a firm nod; so sure even then that he would win like he was accustomed to. _

_The jury read their verdict and the judge handed me my sentence; rehabilitation center, maximum security; my medical license revoked and my privileged standing forever ripped away from me. I remember walking past Mac Taylor, looking him in the eye and whispering that I would get even; he of course offering me a scoff in return; as if his untouchable outer shell was beyond penetration. _

--------

"I got even didn't I," I smile at my sleeping captive; his body slightly twitching from the nightmares I can only assume are dancing around in his confused brain. Part of me would actually want to see a showdown between him and his former partner, Stella, only to see him tell that headstrong woman to her face that he hates her and then turns and leaves her in a shocked stupor. However, I can't take the chance of him ever escaping until I am ready to allow him some limited amount of freedom. He took five years from me and when I am done with him, I intend to return him to human society a defeated shell of a former marine; not the proud man that helped put me away five years ago. That is if I let him return at all.

I hear Shane return and know it's time to wake my captive and get back to work. "Shane, come and help me now," I call out, assuming that he did his task without a hitch. However, I know Shane looks with some compassion upon Taylor and that is worrisome as it could lead to further sympathy the more I force Taylor into his downward spiral. I lean back in my chair and frown; looking at a picture of Taylor and offering a silent curse. "I will win this time. I swear on your life."

XXXXXXXX

"Stella, here is the tape that Crosby gave us," Danny tells me as he walks up with Lindsay in tow. "Flack is still out in the field talking to a few people. Crosby told us he saw Mac's truck hit something and was going to help but when he saw a van that looked like an ambulance he figured help was there and was more interested in the storm than an accident. He didn't know how bad the accident was until we told him."

"How did an ambulance get there that fast?"

"If it was an ambulance," I state in fear.

"You think someone else was waiting?" Danny asks.

"The same person who cut the bridge rafters?" Lindsay wonders. "Let's hope not," Lindsay frowns as she watches Danny press play on the DVD. We all watch in interest as in the distance you can see Mac's truck approach, the lighting strike and then I hold my breath in horror as he tries to avoid hitting something and then we see a tree, but from this angle we can't see much more and then the recorder turns away.

"Why would he turn away?" Lindsay questions.

"Because from the angle of the camera they weren't filming Mac; see they followed the lightning path which sadly for us, leads away from what happened to Mac."

"Damn it!" Danny curses in anger.

"Wait go back a second," I instruct Danny. "Just before Mac has to turn."

"What did you see?" Lindsay asks in interest.

I point to another small red dot in the upper left corner. "What is that?" Danny asks as I zoom in.

"It's someone else filming," I offer with a heavy frown. "Someone else was out there and saw what else happened; look at the angle, it looks like he caught everything. Danny work with Adam. I'm betting whoever filmed this is showing it someplace; sadly people love this kinda stuff. Search accidents from last night and let me know what you find."

"I'm on it."

I let the image of Mac's truck swerving to miss something burn itself into my memory and my heart is now in panic mode once again. I can't imagine what was going through his head when he tried to miss something only to end up in a trap that might have been set purposely for him. Worse still I can't help but hear his voice calling to me for help before he was either swept away or now possibly taken away.

But why? And taken where? He hasn't had any threats as of late and I can't help but wonder if he was perhaps keeping something from me; something he thought would keep me safe. Just like him, I huff inside; trying to keep me safe and ending up doing harm to himself. That would be typical for him but now I fear that his stubborn refusal to always put me before his own safety might have led to his capture or demise. And as much I would hate to think of Mac being held captive someplace; it's a little more comforting than learning that he died alone; drown at sea. A captive man I can find; a dead man I fear to.

"But someone saw him," Lindsay mentions, breaking me from my morbid thoughts, my eyes back on the dark screen once again.

"And when I find them and if they've hurt Mac on purpose there will be hell to pay!"

XXXXXXXX

_'John,' my unfamiliar brother pulls me from my brief slumber. My whole body is tired and still sore from the accident and I want nothing more than to push him away and continue to sleep. _

_'Tired,' I mumble in a soft tone. 'I need to sleep more.'_

_'We have work to do,' he tells me in a firm tone and I try to ignore him, hoping he'll show me some compassion and allow me to rest longer._

_'Please, I need to sleep longer,' I offer with a tired tone._

_'You'll sleep later!' He snaps at me as he undoes the cuff on my wrist and roughly takes my arm and forces me to a standing position; his eyes once again unloving and merciless. I search his face for anything familiar but find only emptiness and despair looking back at me and I actually feel afraid. Have I always been afraid of him? I don't seem like the kind of man that would be afraid of another, but maybe I am?_

_He leads me back into the other room where the younger man named Shane is watching me with nervous eyes. I get the strange feeling that something isn't right, but I don't know what it could be, so my weary brain doesn't offer anything in the way of a suggestion and so I simply allow him to lead me back to the small table. I long for the taste of real food but he hands me the line about my internal organs and I so I just down the thick liquid shake; thankful for no more medicine to accompany it. What I don't know is, that the pills are already inside; powerful drugs that are helping to keep my memory in the damaged state he wants it._

_I am hardly finished when he once again takes me by the arm and drags me back to the chair and fairly pushes me into it. I look at him in anger but his heads snaps up in contempt and the small refusal I was about to utter is quickly pushed aside by fear of a reprimand. Was I always in fear of him? Was I never assertive? My older brother, maybe I was always in fear of him?_

_'Why are these necessary?' I ask as he places the heavy straps over my wrists and ankles._

_'So you don't hurt yourself,' my brother simply tells me. _

_'I won't hurt myself,' I offer in protest._

_'John, just listen to me for once!'_

_'Why the gas?'_

_'The gas is to help you breathe.'_

_'I breathe just fine,' I counter._

_'All this is for your own good. Now you'll just have to trust me. It's only going to help you. I only want to help you,' he offers in a less than sincere tone._

_I look at him in frustration, my anger swelling. However, I have no idea if he's telling me the truth and so far he's saved my life so I feel like I am under some kind of obligation to listen; but why is he treating me like I'm a child? A prisoner?_

_'Any more questions?'__ He asks in annoyance._

_'What is your name?' I finally ask._

_'Colin,' he replies as he fits the mask over my mouth and nose once again. I offer a mumbled question into the thick plastic that is on my face, but he simply offers me a harsh glare and I quickly stop. I feel the gas starting to assault my senses once again as the earphones are placed over my ears; drowning out every sound except the voice now speaking harshly into my head. My eyes start to blur once more and the room lightly spin so I have no choice but to sit back and slowly digest the false messages that are being pounded into my brain._

_Why do I have to hate Stella Bonasera? I wonder as I hear her name once more. What has she ever done to me? What have I ever done to her? What happened to her? Where is she? Who is she? My brain races with so many angry questions that little do I realize that they are actually keeping some of the poisonous propaganda at bay._

XXXXXXXX

About an hour later, I head back into the lab and I nervously pace the space behind Adam's desk; not wanting to feel like I am breathing down his neck but not wanting to venture too far in case something is found and I need to act fast. My mind once again wanders to what Mac might have been thinking before his world exploded around him. My heart races with panic as I try to erase the image of Mac's truck crashing into something and then darkness consuming him. I can almost hear his cries; the glass smashing around him; him calling for help and then trying in vain to free himself from his would be tomb. But as I try to focus on the picture from the DVD, I can almost hear a deep evil laughter filling my brain as it takes Mac from my life. What if he didn't free himself? What if he hit his head and was unable to get out? My mind has too many questions but no answers and I am once again in a state of mental turmoil and emotional flux.

"Adam?" I just have to ask.

"Well there is a lot of accident stuff from last night. I can't believe people actually post this stuff," he offers in disgust. "There is even a couple having sex in their car at the scene of one of them," he mentions and I look at him with a frown, offering a small sneer and then shaking my head.

"Flack, what did you find?" I ask as I answer my phone.

"Not much outside the DVD that Danny brought you. Most people around this area were safely tucked away inside. Sorry not much else. What was on the DVD?" He asks in wonder.

"Proof that Mac swerved to hit something that the lightning struck; which we assume was the tree but then it goes black as Crosby follows something else. However, we did see one other person in the area filming and Adam and Danny are on that right now. And Crosby said an ambulance did show up just after Mac hit something."

"That was fast. I'll get Jessica to check it out," Flack tells me. "If an ambulance did take a call that night in that area, there will be a record. And if it's not an ambulance then this might be a kidnapping."

"Great," I offer in angry contempt.

"Better than Mac being presumed dead," Flack states in a softer tone.

"I know," I sigh heavily. "I have tried to think about the any recent cases where Mac was personally threatened but there is nothing that I can think of and we have worked most cases together and I would know. Unless he did receive a personal threat and didn't want to tell me?" I ask in frustration. "But at least it gives me hope that he's alive. And if he's alive, someone will slip up and we'll find him."

"I'll let you know what we come up with," Flack tells me as he hangs up.

I turn back to Adam, my mind still in a worried panic that Mac has been kidnapped and is hurt and at the mercy of a man that wants to hurt him further.

_Oh Mac, I lament inside my anguished mind. Please hold on; wherever you are, please believe that I care for you and will never give up. Please._

XXXXXXXX

~Colin Morris~

I fix my eyes on the computer screen before me; my mind always researching my medical field in hopes that I can find something else I can use as a memory inhibitor on my unsuspecting captive. I look at the time and frown. Taylor has been in that chair for several more hours and by the time he goes to sleep tonight; he'll have been under my mind altering messages for the better part of his waking day.

But since I don't want him to die on me just yet, I know his body needs rest and so push myself out of my chair and slowly head back into the main room; where Shane is watching Taylor intently. I know his loyalty is to me; that's what he swore when he helped me plan Taylor's abduction but when I see the sorrow in his eyes for the man in the chair I can't help but wonder if he'll soon betray me in the name of human decency sooner than I might anticipate.

"Shane, stop the machine," I order as I walk up to Taylor's trapped form. He turns his watery eyes to me once again; begging for some relief from the mask that is keeping him sick and weak with gas.

"John, do you want to sleep now?" I ask in a firm tone; not really allowing him an option to resist. He simply nods his head and I reward him by freeing his mouth and nose of the sweaty plastic cover and he takes in a few deep breaths before looking at me with a frown.

"Well John, what did we learn today?"

"The NYPD is evil and so is anyone called a CSI. What is a CSI?" He questions.

"A very bad person that wants to hurt you," I answer with mock concern. "What else?"

"You are the only person I can trust," he tries, his eyes searching for another answer but his brain affording only what I want it to.

"And where do you live?"

"Right here," he answers in a tone that is almost too perfect.

"Very good John, and how do you feel?"

"Tired," he huffs as I take him by the arm and lead him back to his small prison and usher him inside forcing him to lie down. But as I take his arm to cuff it once again he starts to get angry and agitated; forcing me call for Shane for help.

"John, you either settle down on your own, or I will sedate you!" I snap in anger as Shane holds his arms above his head; trying to tire him out from his useless struggling.

"I don't want any more drugs. And I don't want that damn handcuff. I want answers!" He states in anger as he finally feels the pain in his body telling him to stop fighting and so he does; his brow covered with sweat and his face flushed. I offer him a firm nod and continue on my original mission of taking his uninjured arm and cuffing it to the bed frame. He pulls angrily against the frame in defiance but I am glad I didn't have to sedate him as I dont want the sedation medication to do anything to the mind inhibitors that are still very fresh in his system.

"Why are you treating me like this?"

"I always have. Now learn your place!"

"But..."

"Goodnight John," I tell him as I get up and turn off the light; leaving him to fend for himself the best he can in his current predicament. I firmly close the door and turn the lock; sealing him once again inside his unforgiving prison. And what he doesnt see is the evil smile that plays upon my lips as I head back into my office.

"See Detective Taylor, you were wrong. I have taken your life and now control it. Sadly for you no one will ever know what happened to you until it's too late."

XXXXXXXX

_I angrily pull at the blanket in frustration; once again feeling the side effects of the gas mixing around in my weakened system. My stomach is sick and I wonder if I'll ever feel one hundred percent. I yank at my trapped wrist, offering an angry curse as my head slumps down on the small pillow in angry defeat. My eyes have started to adjust a little better to the darkness that encases me more than I might want and I can actually make out the outline of the room that I am forced to call home. I hate feeling this way and wonder if my whole adult life was this tormented? Did I always live like a prisoner? Did my older brother always treat me like this? He said he did. But why? Who am I really?_

_I manage to get the blanket over my slightly trembling frame and then try to still my heart and pounding head. I just worked myself into a useless sweat by fighting with Colin and now I am feeling the cold as my body heat starts to evaporate. Colin. That name doesn't even sound as familiar as Flack and Bonasera. Those are odd names and I am wondering why I remembered them if they are people that hate me and wish to do me harm. But maybe that's why I remembered them, because I did do them harm? What kind of man am I? Why would I try to hurt those people? The information Colin is giving me still doesn't tell me about my past, who I really am, where I am right now and what my life is like. Aren't those things important to him? They are to me! How can I find out the truth about who I really and what my life is really like? I need to escape..._

_I close my eyes and try to focus my anguished mind on that woman's smiling face but with today's session and the gas still playing tricks with my nervous anxiety, she finally starts to fade from my memory and all that is left inside is angry thoughts about people that hate me; I have a brother outside who seems more angry than happy that I am alive and I'm forced into a world I don't know or really want to be stuck in. I don't know what hell is like but I can't imagine it much worse than this._

_And as my eyes finally start to close, I feel them water once more and one thought starts to fill my brain and occupy my heart - I am really alone and no one cares about me. _

XXXXXXXX

"Stella!" Adam exclaims in a loud voice; breaking me from my near sleepy state and forcing my attention back to his computer screen. "I think I found something," he says, making Danny and Lindsay quickly gather around the large screen before them.

"This guy just posted this on YouTube, aptly labeled _'date with a medic'_," he offers with a whispered curse as he brings up the small video. "It's kinda garbled at first, like he was filming something else and then turns to film Mac."

"What?"

"Here...watch."

I watch in horrible slow motion as we see Mac's truck heading toward the camera, through the storm, toward the bridge. To the right I see what appears to be a white van in the bushes and point my finger to Danny who pauses it and quickly calls Jessica to give her and Sheldon a fresh area to inspect. Adam starts the streaming video again and I once again catch my breath as the lighting hits the tree, Mac swerves to miss and ends up crashing into the bridge and then all goes quiet as I see Mac hit the front of the dash and then there is no movement in the cabin of the truck.

"He was unconscious," Lindsay mentions.

"He didn't get out on his own," Danny adds.

"Mac," I whisper in terror, my heart racing once again. But my anger starts to boil as we watch the van pull from the shadows and flip on what appears to be ambulance lights; and head toward Mac at a slow pace, before turning them off.

"What the hell?" Danny offers as he sees two men dressed in plain clothes exit the ambulance with a stretcher. "They don't look like medics."

"And that's not a real ambulance," Lindsay adds.

"What is going on?" Adam questions.

I am forced once again to watch as Mac's unmoving form is very carefully pulled from the truck and placed on the stretcher, my fists balling as I watch him being strapped down and a mask with who the hell knows what inside, being placed over his mouth and nose. I watch the older man put something on Mac's forehead and then pull it away and I see blood and my heart skips a beat in terror.

"So he was kidnapped," Danny whispers as he calls Flack.

"Head injury," Lindsay whispers sadly.

"Why is there no sound?" I snap at Adam.

"He didn't record any," he offers in a sheepish tone and my anger quickly subsides.

"Sorry. I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the bastards on that screen; the ones that kidnapped Mac!" I state in anger as Danny quickly calls Flack.

I watch as Mac is carefully bundled into the back of the ambulance and my eyes water as he's taken from my view once again. I watch the younger man rush back to the wrecked bridge; planting Mac's watch and I offer another curse under my breath.

"There's the owner of our DNA," Lindsay pipes up.

Finally we watch them pull away; only assuming that they went down river and planted the other things they hoped we would find and then presume the worst and then drove off to who knows where with their precious cargo trapped inside.

"Adam I want this footage pulled right now from YouTube; get Sinclair involved if you have to. I don't want these guys to know that anyone saw them," I quickly direct and he starts his search on the owner of the footage. "Also you said it was something else he was filming at the start, maybe he filmed these guys setting up. We need that footage."

"On it right now," he mentions in haste.

"Lindsay I need this footage dissected and I need the name on that van or a license plate or ID if possible. These guys planned this and have kidnapped Mac but it proves he's alive," I mention firmly. "They won't get away with this."

"But who would want to kidnap Mac?" Danny asks with an angry frown.

"I don't know but Mac is alive and someone has made a big mistake," I huff as I swallow my rising anger and unclench my fists. And for the first time in hours, I have more than hope, I have a lead on Mac and I intend to find the men responsible for this. I knew it, I tell myself inside. I knew Mac is alive.

"They better not have hurt him," I whisper in anger; not realizing that the man I am now so desperate to rescue, the man I know I love, is the man that is being fed lies about me and his life. A man, who when I find him, will be different from the one I am seeking.

_Hold on Mac, I know you're alive and I will find you._

* * *

**A/N**: Okay so this story is going to be a bit angsty but hope you are still interesting in knowing how they find Mac and what his first encounter will be like. Please leave a review and let me know.  
PS: as you all know how true a SMACKED fan I am so there will be a happy ending...just gotta get there first!


	4. So Close! and yet So Far!

**Title: A Criminal Mind  
Chapter 4 - So Close and yet so Far!**

* * *

"Stella, you need to rest," Flack tells me as he walks into my office a few hours later.

"I can't. What did Jessica find out about the ambulance?"

"No calls that night to that area, it's a fake," he huffs as he sits down opposite me.

"I sent Danny and Lindsay home to be with Lucy but Sheldon is still downstairs and Adam is trying to track down the guy from YouTube," I inform him as Jessica finally joins us; slumping down next to Flack. "Lindsay inspected that footage but was unable to make out clear faces or the name on the side of the van; it had no license plates. When she blows them up the image is too grainy and blurry to make out anything useful. The guy was more interested in what was happening to Mac instead of who was doing it to him."

"I still can't believe someone would go to that much trouble to stage this against Mac," she mentions. "But I guess with the storm it was the perfect cover. A bridge accident and a body washed out to sea, assumed dead."

"Which is why no one has contacted us about a ransom," I offer in misery. "They obviously don't want us to contact him so kidnapping a cop for either money or an exchange is taken out of the scenario. And that just leaves revenge on Mac himself and that is scary enough."

"You said you saw a cloth with blood on it?" Flack questions.

"That thought really worries me. If he did sustain any kind of head trauma or injury and the person isn't trained to deal with it, we still might be looking for a body. However, if by some stroke of luck the person does have some medical training and Mac did sustain some memory loss, I can't imagine him alone and not knowing who he is or being unable to tell anyone anything about himself or reason his way out of a tight spot as we all know he is more than capable of."

"Amnesia," Jessica utters with a half whisper. "A man with that kind of memory loss can become a pawn in a sick man's hands."

"Or one with revenge on his mind," Flack dares.

"And that thought about Mac scares me to death," I confess in truth.

XXXXXXXX

_My sleep of course is fitful and I wonder if I've ever had a goodnight's rest in my life. My mind is starting to flash more images but nothing I really recognize. Odd equipment; strange faces; bodies; gunfire? The woman's smiling face is still there and I see the bright light and then my brother talking to me before I am put into a strange place. Here? Or somewhere else? And if somewhere else, where? What does the bright light mean? He said car accident? Why was I driving? And to where? Back here? Where was I coming from? And why do I hate those people? I try to focus my mind but a few minutes later have to stop as the pain my head is offering as a reward for my hard work isn't worth the strain._

_I once again pull on the handcuff in anger, offering an angry curse as I feel like I'm a prisoner or did something wrong and am being punished. What did I do wrong? I just want answers! And why does my brother keep me locked up in this small room? Am I a danger to people around me? If so, what kind of man am I really? I pull once more and am finally rewarded with shuffling footsteps heading in my direction and the door slowly being pushed open._

_'Shane?' I ask with a frown. _

_He offers me no words but only a look of concern on his face as he turns to leave. _

_'Wait!' I lightly call out. 'Please don't leave me alone again,' I half beg. _

_'I can't talk to you right now,' he offers in haste. _

_'But you're my nephew right?' I ask quickly. 'Where was I coming from the night of the accident?'_

_'I don't know,' he lies._

_'Please, I just need to know who I really am.'_

_'You are John Smith,' he answers in haste. 'And you are my uncle.'_

_'And how long have I lived here? And where is here? And why do I hate those people?'_

_'I can't talk to you about that. I'm sorry, I should leave.'_

_'I'm cold. Can I please have another blanket?'_

_'No,' he answers and I just curse, pulling on the strong piece of steel that is holding me captive. _

_'Why am I handcuffed like a prisoner?'_

_'So you don't hurt yourself,' he replies firmly. _

_'I promise I won't hurt myself. Please undo this?' I beg._

_'Colin will be mad. I'm sorry,' he states as he finally seals me in the darkness once again._

_'Damn it!'_

_I curse once more and try to curl up on my side to maintain some semblance of body heat. My anger and frustration continue to grow and the few snippets this man is offering about my life is leaving me all the more in want of some solid answers. Part of me can't accept that I am just this empty shell of a human being, forced to live down in this small cell like a prisoner of society; the other part tells me that perhaps this is my life and I'm angry because I want more but know I'll never have it. Maybe I do deserve this and my brother really does know best. But I know one thing for sure, as each minute passes I'm angry and getting more and more frustrated at all this and want to leave._

_What is a CSI? NYPD sounds familiar, but much like the names Flack and Bonasera, I can't help but wonder if it's an organization that wants to do us harm? And if so, why do we deserve that kind of treatment? Who are we? Why does Stella Bonasera hate me? What did I do, to make her hate me? And who is the woman in my dreams? Was I heading home from seeing her that night? And with so many questions dancing around in my frantic brain, sleep once again is a luxury I can't afford. I have to know who I am. I have to be free of all this. __But Shane is starting to show me some compassion and maybe just maybe I'll be able to convince him to help me get free when Colin isn't looking. But how? And will Colin ever just leave the two of us alone? My heart races in anticipation at the thought of being free._

XXXXXXXX

I feel a hand on my shoulder and offer a slight gasp as I am forced awake.

"Stella," Jessica offers with a kind smile. "You need to go home and get some solid rest. Want me to come with you?"

I want to say no, that I'll be okay, but I know as soon as I'm home alone; I'll dwell on the fact that someone evil has taken Mac away from me for their own sordid gains and my misery will consume me and sleep will be moot.

"Where is everyone?"

"Adam has a lead on the YouTube guy and is going to meet him tomorrow at some internet cafe. He pulled the footage but has agreed to give him the DVD in person but only if Adam meets him where he wants," she informs me. "Sheldon has finally called it a night, but don't worry the team will be back bright and early tomorrow. Flack is working on something with Sully and the van angle. But you need to rest, Mac would want that."

"Every time I close my eyes I see Mac in a dark place, calling to me for help and then the image disappears. I'm afraid to sleep."

"But he's alive; that at least is something to work with, right?"

"Sinclair know?" I ask in a weary tone as I finally push myself up and head for my coat and then out the door to follow after Jessica.

"Flack has been bringing him up to speed but he's got his hands full with the Swensen case," she huffs. We reach the truck in silence and get in; I allowing her to drive as my mind is too worked up to concentrate on anything, much less being a safe driver.

"Mac prides himself on his strength of character and mental fortitude," I casually offer. "I can't imagine what it would be like to lose all that in one night; much less be taken by someone who might want to use that against him? Think his captor will help him remember who he really is?"

"Depends what the want from him," Jessica offers me in a soft tone.

"Well if they falsified an ambulance to make it look like they were going to help him and then took him someplace sinister with dark motives then that can't be good for Mac," I utter fatefully. "Or for me."

XXXXXXXX

~Colin Morris~

I slowly pull myself from my sleepy state and look at the time. Very early morning but for being a lifetime insomniac I am actually thankful for the few hours of sleep I was offered last night; perhaps the knowledge that my nemesis is where he should be is what my brain takes comfort in. I get out of bed and head back into my small office. It's been almost two days and I need to take another x-ray of Taylor's head injury to see how it's healing. I wish I could administer a proper head scan as I would like to see which areas of the brain still have swelling and which will become a concern if he does start to regain strength but that will have to wait until he's well enough to travel. Hopefully with lack of body heat and a proper diet, I'll be able to keep his strength from regaining fully, and in a few days maybe we can venture out to my old office and see if I can run a proper test on him.

I slowly walk over to his room and push the door open; offering another small curse as he locks eyes with me.

"John, why aren't you sleeping?" I ask in a stern tone and he offers a frown; his eyes always searching for a hidden truth. And if I didn't know any better, I would swear he's playing me, waiting for an opportunity to escape; one of course I am not going to provide him.

"I don't sleep. Did I always not sleep?" He questions; once again tugging on the handcuff, hoping I'll reward him with freedom. Sorry Detective Taylor, I chide in my mind; I'll not show pity to you in any way. Pull all you want but you'll be free when I allow it.

"Yes."

"Where was I coming from the night of the accident?" He wonders.

"You were out."

"Where?"

"Out."

"I hate these vague answers!" He snaps and my anger starts to boil. "I want to know something. ANYTHING!" He half shouts and I storm up to him in anger.

"You're really starting to piss me off John!" I yell in anger. "If you don't keep your voice down, I'll silence you for the rest of the day! Do you want that?"

"No," he answers in haste, his face flush and his eyes also holding contempt and anger. "But I want answers," he tries in a firm tone. "You're my brother right? Then help me remember!"

"I am doing the best I can!" I huff.

"It's not good enough," he shouts and my self control finally wanes and I back hand him on the face with a mean fist. He looks back at me in surprise but his anger hasn't yet subsided; once again proving to me his will is still strong and I haven't broken it down enough. "Tell me!"

"My best is always good enough!" I snap in haste. "You should be lucky you are here instead of drowning alone in the river that night! I risked my life to save yours," I start into my lie. "And this is the reward I get for my hard work in trying to help you!" I shout, Shane finally appearing in the doorway to witness the showdown. "You calling me a liar?"

"I didn't mean..." he starts in a quieter tone; his body posture finally starting to accept defeat as I had wanted; once again to prove who is in control. "What river? Where was I coming back from? Please, I just want some answers."

"And you'll get them when I feel you are ready to handle everything," I tell him a firm but less angry tone.

"And you'll tell me everything?" He wonders.

"Yes," I lie as I move to undo the handcuff. "Remember, you behave or next time it will be both wrists cuffed overhead and I will gag you! Do I make myself clear?"

"But..."

"JOHN!"

"Why would you treat me like that?"

"I'm your brother. Now do I make myself clear?"

"So you should treat me better!"

"Are you arguing?"

"Obviously there is no point," he offers with a sigh as I finally release him.

"Shane, take him for another x-ray. We need to check on his progress," I offer in a huff, before I turn and storm out of room; cursing the name Mac Taylor with every step I take.

XXXXXXXX

_'Stella help me...'_

_'Please...in pain...'_

_'Stop...hurting me...'_

_'STELLA!'_

"Mac!" I awake with a frightful start, my eyes frantically looking around my bedroom only to discover that I am alone; Jessica sleeping in the other room. "Mac," I offer in sorrow as I slowly push my weary head back onto the pillow as my eyes water once more. I glance over at the clock and it's almost time to get up. Today will have been the third day that Mac is gone from my life temporarily but already it seems like a painful lifetime. I roll onto my side and stare in misery at a small picture of the two of us at a company event and despite my misery; I feel a faint smile tugging at my lips. I need him; I need him with me right now; my arms long to hold him, to feel him close and to know that he's safe and where he belongs.

But at least I know, at least I believe, he's still alive. That thought is just as troublesome, however, as I picture Mac, injured, helpless, captive someplace, with no memory, no remembrance of who he is; at the mercy of a man that wants to do him harm. It would be different if he was just injured and I keep telling myself that the head injury we saw on the footage was just something minor and his memory wasn't affected. However, something inside tells me a different story.

With that sad thought, I push myself out of my warm bed and carefully make my way into the kitchen and start the coffee going.

"Can't sleep either huh," Jessica mentions as she slowly wanders into the kitchen and pushes herself into a nearby chair. "Did you sleep at all?"

"I kept hearing Mac's voice calling to me for help," I moan in frustration. "I need him here with me and I hate the fact that I don't have anything solid to fall back on as means of a starting point."

"But Adam..."

"I know, but even if he gets the guy, I'm sure whoever filmed Mac being kidnapped didn't talk to the two guys," I lament. "I pray he's just injured and has no memory loss. I just can't allow myself to contemplate that reality just yet."

"They'll slip up Stella, they'll have to," she tries; offering me some sliver of hope that Mac will be back at my side sooner than I think.

"I really need to believe that," I huff. "I'm going to take a shower, just make yourself what you want and then we'll head out. I know Adam is meeting with that guy later this morning but I need to go back over that footage and I could use a fresh set of eyes. I know Danny and Lindsay gave it their best but a fresh perspective could really help out."

"You got it," she smiles as I turn to leave. I head back into my bedroom and for a split second, I see Mac, sitting on the bed smiling at me; his blue eyes locking with mine offering me hope. But once again; when I blink away the forming tears, I am alone with my miserable thoughts and his image fades from my view.

"Damn it!" I curse as I grab some fresh clothes and head for the bathroom, turning on the water and allowing the steam to play with my tried brain once again.

"Mac...I need you with me. I hope you're okay."

XXXXXXXX

_After the x-ray I'm taken back into the room with the table and chair and my anxiety is starting to grow. I am hungry so have no problem downing the small bit of nourishment I am offered; once again not realizing that the medicine inside the thick liquid is what is hindering any real memory progress on my part; that and the fact that my head hasn't stopped throbbing for two days straight. But I'm still cold; very tired and my body in general aches all over. My brother has told me nothing comforting that will help alleviate my worried mind and when I try to press for the truth he yells or threatens me in childish ways. He said I should be thankful that he saved my life, and for the most part I am. But to be saved just to come back to a life like this, doesn't seem the great reward I was hoping life would offer for my troubles. How much longer can I keep this existence up? Will I have to live like this forever?_

_'Can I have a shower? I didn't have one yesterday?' I ask with a frown, hoping to spend less time in that damn chair._

_'Later,' he tells me with a slow smile. _

_'But...' I offer in protest. _

_'Are you arguing with me?' Colin asks with a cross tone. Since I don't want to make him mad at me, I just shake my head no and accept my defeat. I can't help but wonder if he's always this angry at me. _

_'Ready for another session?'_

_'I don't want to go in the chair again,' I offer in a frustrated tone. 'Please no more,' I beg of Colin. 'I'll read whatever you want but...'_

_'I don't understand this insolence!' He snaps in anger, once again pounding his fist on the table._

_'Are you happy I'm alive?' I question; wondering if perhaps he did want me to die as maybe I was just a burden to him and am now once again._

_'Oh more than you can possibly know,' he tells me. Well he did smile but I can't tell if it's genuine or not since I have no past point of reference; so I guess I have to take him a face value, but as each hour passes my frustration is starting to build. I hope he is telling me the truth but something inside can't really believe his concern is genuine. Was I always mistrusting of people?_

_'Why don't the tapes tell me about my past? Just keeps mentioning those names over and over?' I ask again, looking from one face to the other of the two men looming over me. 'I don't care who they are!'_

_'Why are you questioning what I do? I am a doctor,' he snaps, his anger toward me growing once again._

_'Why? I am stuck and want answers that's why!'_

_'And I am giving them to you. What is your issue?'_

_'I am trapped inside myself!' I snap, pushing myself away from the table and standing up to face them; hating the feeling of them looking down at me. 'I want answers and you are giving me none!'_

_'I saved your life,' he reminds me again._

_'And I said I was grateful but you're my brother, don't you want me to get well?' I question._

_'John, you have never been really well,' he tells me in concern._

_'What does that mean? Who am I really? Why won't you tell me?' I beg in desperation._

_'John, I'll tell you when I am ready. I am older than you and therefore in charge around here'_

_'I just want...'_

_'AS...I said before...' he quickly shuts me down and I feel my anger starting to boil._

_'I am being kept here like a prisoner!' I shoot back and he glares at me in anger. 'Why?'_

_'For your own good,' he smiles._

_'What the hell does that mean?' I ask in huff, making my stomach sick and my head spin._

_'It means you are a danger to others, but again that will come.'_

_'Danger?__ Who the hell am I?' I demand again._

_'When you are ready, I will tell you,' is all he offers. 'Now we are finished talking.'_

_'But...' I start again and he looks at me in anger. _

_'I am only trying to help you. But I'll make you a deal if it will help to calm you down a bit,' he starts and my heart starts to quicken. Freedom? I can't help but wonder. 'You accept your next session with a willing attitude and you can sleep free tonight.'_

_I offer only a frown as that wasn't the answer I was hoping for. 'But...' I try in mild protest._

_'John, are you arguing with me?' He quickly shuts me down._

_'No,' I answer in haste._

_'Shane,' Colin instructs. _

_I simply allow Shane to guide me back to the chair but watch his face when he looks at me. Why does he seem afraid of me? _

_'Are you afraid of me?' I have to know._

_'No,' he whispers. 'I think I feel sorry for you.'_

_'Why?' I ask as he straps me down once again; my heart starting to race as he readies the gas. 'Please tell me why? Who am I really? Why do I deserve this?' I ask only to be silenced once more with the heavy plastic mask that soon fills with gas and starts to assault my nervous system once again. I offer a curse as the headphones are placed on my ears, filing my head with the information that I am now starting to regret. I don't want to know why I hate these people, I am tired of hearing how they want to do me harm; I just want to know who I am!_

_I try to shake them off my head but Colin steps in front of me and offers me a mean glare. 'Remember our deal!' He snaps before turning and walking away in a huff. _

_But I have no more fight left inside and the food supplements they supply me with aren't enough to give me any kind of fighting strength; certainly not enough to suggest that my brother wants nothing more than to keep me some kind of prisoner here. But why? What did I do to deserve this? Why am I a danger to others? Who the hell am I?_

XXXXXXXX

"Okay so let's go over what we know," I start, talking to the team later that morning in a small briefing room.

"Parts of the bridge was cut on purpose; the weight of the truck would never be able to pass without breaking either side," Danny starts. "But the lighting strike dictated that it would be Mac's side that was hit hardest."

"The area were the van was waiting was too soggy and washed out to get any solid tire treads and the more I enhanced the van's image the fuzzier it got," Lindsay tells us in a glum tone. "There were no license plates; the name on the side was unrecognizable and the faces were too blurry to get a positive ID. I can tell both are male and one is older, the younger one has lighter hair and the older darker hair but neither had any distinct markings that would help in any way."

"The DNA from the skin and hair is still unknown," Sheldon offers. "Ran it against all past and present cases and still came up empty. This guy isn't in the system. At least none I have access to."

"Well Adam is going to get the original YouTube footage and talk to the guy who did the filming but I am not holding out much hope on that end either," Flack informs us as he slowly walks into the room. "I asked if he wanted some company but we both agreed that if this guy does know something he might be more open to talking just to Adam."

"Yeah one geek to another," Danny smiles; only garnering him a slap from his wife.

"So it seems like we are back at square one," Sheldon huffs. "We know Mac was kidnapped, but we don't know why as there have been no demands and we don't by who as we can't tell anything by that video, which by any accounts is the best eye witness we have so far. Maybe Adam can convince this guy to come and talk to us."

"Well if he can't, then I will be paying him a special visit," Flack tells us firmly.

"I just can't believe that we have what we need but we are missing a solid starting point. Danny, I want you and Lindsay to go back to the scene and recheck the area. The evidence is out there, we just need to find it."

"We're on it," he answers firmly.

"We'll find him Stella," Lindsay offers in a firm tone as she touches my arm and offers a kind squeeze and then turns to follow Danny out of the room.

"Well I have looked over that footage twice," Jessica laments as she slowly walks up to Flack, Sheldon and I with a frown. "I don't see anything that might be useful. Sorry."

"I need to wait on Adam," I tell them with a small frown as Sheldon finally pushes himself out of the chair and wanders back into the lab to work on rechecking everything. "I told him I'd stay by the phone in case something happened."

"We'll find Mac," Flack tells me firmly. "And trust me when we do, you won't be the only one wanting a piece of the guys that did this to him."

XXXXXXXX

~Colin Morris~

I fear Taylor's insolence today is just the start of troubling things to come with him. He is strong willed by nature and that strong determination could prove detrimental if I'm not able to control him as much as I need to. I know he's going to get all the more frustrated but that is part of the game; part of the fun I am going to have in slowly destroying his sanity. I know my methods in here are somewhat crude, but until I can chance an outing with Taylor into the real world; under the cover of darkness of course, this setup will have to do.

However, his earlier outbreak does have me worried; that and Shane's growing compassion.

"I need a mild muscle relaxant to mix in with some morphine to keep him weak," I huff as I push myself out of my desk chair and head over to a small cabinet on the wall. I open it and look at the drugs before my eyes and frown.

"Damn it! I'm out," I curse my short sightedness. I didn't want to leave Taylor alone yet in Shane's grasp as I don't know if Shane is able to control him as much as I would like to think he can; but since I need the drugs I know I have to take that chance.

I slowly head back into the main room and stare at my captive subject with a gleeful grin. Oh Detective Taylor, if only the old you could gaze upon the new you; the man I am going to create to replace the one who thought he could best me and be done with it. Taylor's eyes watch me with a weary gaze, but he has nothing left in the way of fight inside of him to beg me to take the mask off his face. I look at my watch and know he's been in there for several hours already and probably needs a break.

"Shane," I call my helper into my office. "I need to go out and get a few things. Make sure you keep an eye on him and remember he's not allowed in any other room than his own. Is that clear?"

"Yes. But how long will you be gone?"

"A few hours at the most," I huff.

"Does he stay in the chair until you are back?" Shane asks with a deep frown and my concern starts to grow a bit. However, I have no one else to help me, so figure I can just keep using my idle threat to keep him here with me.

"Remember what I said about your future. Don't go too easy on him or you'll be heading back to the home!" I snap.

"Yes sir," he mumbles in a soft tone.

I head back outside; locking the door behind me and heading toward the exit out. "Give me a few minutes and then release him."

Shane nods his head in agreement and then I hurry for the exit; my anxiety higher for the first time in days.

XXXXXXXX

_I watch Colin taking his leave and my heart starts to beat faster. Where is he going? Will I soon be able to leave also? Some semblance of freedom from this prison I am now forced to call home? I watch Shane walk back up to me and thankfully take the mast off my face and then start to undo the straps that are always holding me down. _

_'How are you feeling?' He asks in concern._

_'Sick...' I manage weakly as I push myself forward and finally throw up what my weak stomach will afford. 'Sorry,' is all I can offer before I lean my sweaty head back in the chair and watch as Shane hurries to clean up my mess._

_'I need fresh air, please,' I beg, gently grabbing his hand and forcing his eyes to mine. 'Just a few breaths from an open window. I promise you won't get in trouble; I promise I won't tell.'_

_He looks at me with an expression that could be described as sorrow, either that or he's just afraid of me. I could try to fight him but if I did, would I injure myself more? _

_'But...'_

_'Please?' I beg once more. 'I don't care if it's a small window, just something.'_

_He looks nervously around; as if he's struggling with an inner moral dilemma to either help me or take me back to my room. _

_'Just a few minutes?__ I need fresh air,' I ask in desperation. 'Colin will not find out. I give you my word.'_

_'Okay. There is an internet caf right next door that I need to pick something up at. You swear to me right now that you'll do as I say, not say a word to anyone and not make a fuss when we come right back. Do you swear?'_

_'I swear,' I reply in haste. _

_'Just wait here,' he tells me as he heads into another small room. _

_My heart is actually starting to beat faster in anticipation of getting a glimpse of where I am. Colin hasn't told me the place where I am but maybe if I see outside, it will help to jog something inside my fuzzy brain. And while I am weak, starved, cold and in pain, the chance to get a glimpse of the world around me is something I'll push through to enjoy._

_Shane returns with a jacket, runners and a baseball cap to cover the bandage that is still protecting the stitching on my head. He quickly stuffs the runners on my feet and helps me stand up. My legs are shaky from being in the chair for so long but I don't want to complain as that might hinder this outing. _

_'We have to hurry,' Shane tells me as he carefully places the baseball cap on my head, mindful of the stitching. He takes me by the arm and leads me toward a small door and then into a darkened hallway. My tired eyes have trouble adjusting to the darkness and I am thankful for Shane's firm grasp as we head toward the outside world. He pushes a door open and my eyes sting from the bright light that his offered upon them and I actually have to turn away in pain._

_'Your eyes will adjust soon,' he tells me in a soft voice as he leads me toward an alley way of some kind. My eyes dart nervously around; taking in all the unfamiliar sights around me; trying to figure out where I am._

_'Which city are we in?'_

_'Toronto,' Shane tells me the lie that Colin has told him to tell me._

_'Where is that?'_

_'Canada.'_

_'I'm Canadian?' I ask in wonder and he just nods. Once again I have no reason to doubt him but at least I have some frame of reference as to where I am. Have I always lived here? And where is Canada? We hurry down a small alley and then into the backdoor of a very strange place. I look around at all the faces but none seem to know me and no one seems friendly or offers a hello. I follow Shane up to a small desk and just stand in place while he talks to another person I don't recognize._

_'What happened to your friend?' He asks in a gruff tone, his eyes inspecting the condition of my face._

_'Car accident,' Shane mumbles and I just nod. I let Shane do his business with the other man as I continue to watch those around me with captive fascination; various young men sitting at tables and talking to one another or looking intently at the strange machines before them. Those machines, I should know them._

_What is this place?_

XXXXXXXX

"Stella, I'm here now," Adam tells me with a huff. "Finally found the right place; after going to two others. This guy is cagey for some reason."

"Probably a porn dealer," Flack frowns.

"Just make sure you get anything you can," I tell him with a sigh; looking up at Jessica and Flack who have returned from a call and are with me in my office, listening on the speaker phone.

"Stella, I'll..." Adam starts and then quickly stops. "Oh my god..." he hisses. "Stella...oh my...I can't beli..."

"Adam what is it? What's wrong?" I ask in a worried tone.

"It's Mac!"

"WHAT?" I ask in a half shout as I look up at Flack and Jessica, not really wanting to believe it.

"Adam, are you sure?" Flack asks firmly.

"Adam..."

"Yeah it's him. Hold on, I'm going to leave my phone on speaker..." he starts, pressing the speaker button so that the three of us can hear what is going on. "I don't see our guy, but just wait..." he tells us and my heart is beating so fast I'm afraid that it's going to give me away at any second.

"They have camera's here," Adam mentions and I look at Flack who will get the footage as soon as its safe do to so; each of us knowing we don't want to spook something.

"Is he alone?"

"No," came Adam's simple reply and I feel my fists balling in anger. "Hold on a sec...I'm going to walk up to him."

I hear shuffling and laughing and talking and curse the fact that I can't hear anything more clear; my mind racing at what condition Mac is in. I have so many questions for Adam, but know they'll have to wait.

"Hey," we hear Adam mumble.

XXXXXXXX

_The young man stands beside me; watching me intently, he seems sort of familiar but once again I can't place him. Shane is still talking to the man he's doing business with and so I offer a small nod and frown and then look away; remembering I was told to not talk to anyone._

_'Do you have the time?' The young man asks me. However, I can't be rude so I answer._

_'No sorry,' I reply and he seems to offer a small gasp; as if I just said something wrong. Maybe I shouldn't speak?_

_'What happened to you?' The young man asks again; this time making Shane look at him quickly._

_'Who are you?' Shane asks directly, not allowing me to answer, something that again annoys me._

_'I was in a car accident,' I offer in my own defense, really enjoying my brief contact with this kind young man and not caring what happens later. 'Who are you?'_

_'Too bad. Oh I'm Carl,' the young man offers with a smile. 'And I'm just waiting for a booth.'_

XXXXXXXX

"Oh my god that is Mac," I lament in misery. Hearing his smooth voice is almost more torment than not hearing it at all; and the fact that he doesn't seem to recognize Adam, means that his memory was affected in the accident. But for Adam to ask about his appearance must mean that Mac is still in bad shape and that thought alone makes my heart beat faster; hearing the pain in his voice makes my heart ache.

"Anyone here named Adam?" We hear another voice call out; followed by Adam's curse. We then hear a "come on _John_, we have to go now," and then shuffling and then another curse. A few more minutes pass by like a painful eternity.

"Hey are you Adam?"

"Yeah hold on a sec," Adam huffs and we hear running.

"Adam what is going on?" I ask in a panic. "Where's Mac?"

"Damn it! He's gone. I'm outside and that guy distracted me, sorry Stella, but he was here and he's alive. It was him."

"But..."

"Stella, I'm sorry, he's gone."

"Okay finish up there and then we are going to come out there and meet you; wait for us there and good job."

"Thanks," he offers as the line goes dead.

"Mac is alive," Flack offers. "If he's alive and around there, we'll find him. Stella. We'll find him."

I look up at them in relief and panic; my heart beating so fast that I am sure I am about to pass out at any second. I hurry to get my coat; my mind racing at the thought that Mac is now in the wrong hands, hands that might want to do him harm.

_Hold on Mac, I moan inside. I'm coming. I will save you. _

* * *

**A/N:** Okay so what do you think their first encounter will be like? Think Colin will find out about the outing? Thoughts please and thanks. Hopefully you are still enjoying it and want more to come.

PS: REmemebr to vote in my poll on my profile if you haven't thanks.


	5. A Taste of Things to Come?

**Title: A Criminal Mind  
Chapter 5 - A taste of things to come?**

**A/N: **Okay thanks for all the great reviews so far...Mac is very close to being rescued but who does he meet in this chapter?

* * *

_  
'Why did we have to leave?' I ask Shane as he drags me away from the building and back down the narrow alley from where we came._

_'We have to get back before Colin gets home.'_

_'Who was there?'_

_'We just have to get back.'_

_'Thank you for this Shane,' I offer with a slight frown. 'I am glad I was able to get some fresh air.'_

_'He just better not find out,' he hisses, tightening his grasp on my arm. _

_'We won't, I give you my word. No matter what he does to me he won't find out,' I tell him in truth. _

_'Remember not a word. Forget who you talked to and forget what you saw.'_

_'What were you doing there?'_

_'Business.'_

_'What...'_

_'John, just business. Drop it now.'_

_'Fine.'_

_Carl. That was the name the young man gave me who was friendly to me. But he seemed surprised when I turned to face him; like he should know me but I am once again stuck inside my brain trying to figure out where I know him from if at all. But he talked to me like a regular person and didn't seem to want to hurt me. Maybe Colin is wrong; maybe not everyone is out to get us. Why would he tell me they are? If that was a lie, what else is he lying about?_

_We reach back into my underground prison and I curse; having a brief taste of freedom was something more than longed for and I hope I'll be able to do it again. _

_Colin said I was out when the accident happened so that must mean I was allowed out before and hopefully will be again. Allowed? Why the hell am I even thinking like that? I am not a prisoner right? Of course I'll be allowed back out, I'm a grown man and when I feel better, I'm sure my brother will have to trouble watching me go back out into the real world. I long for that now; as I have come to hate my current place of dwelling._

_We get back inside and I just offer a small grunt as I look at the bleak dwelling before my tired eyes; my brain longs to be back outside in that small place with other people. I would have thought that at least a few things would have returned by now and I'm more than angry that I can't remember anything I want to; the odd images my brain continues to flash still mean nothing. I haven't taken any more medicine that I know of and so can't figure out what is going on inside my head._

_'Nothing bad happened right? So we'll be able to do it again?' I ask in haste._

_'We'll see,' Shane frowns as he leaves me at the small table, taking the shoes, jacket and cap and returning them to the place they were before. I look at the chair and know I don't want another session; I don't want to hear anymore harsh words, I just want to hear good and soothing things so I can remember the world I long to get back to; the world I'm sure isn't this one._

_Who was he? Who was Carl? Where do I know him from?_

_I don't care anymore, I've had one taste of freedom and now I'll work at doing whatever I have to, to get another. I am sick of this place; my brother be damned. I will get out of here if it's the last thing I do!_

XXXXXXXX

"Stella, calm down."

"Damn it move!" I shout at the traffic, forcing Flack to offer a slight smile as we speed toward the internet caf in a rundown part of town. My head keeps playing over and over again two words, _'accident and John,'_ and I know someone is not telling Mac the truth about who he is; but lies for whatever reason they want.

"Why John?" Jessica finally breaks my morbid thoughts.

"I would like to think that maybe they found him and since he had no ID on him they just called him John as in John Doe," I huff. "I don't want to think that maybe someone is creating another identity for him as that opens up a whole new playing field of terrifying possibilities."

We finally arrive at our destination and I push myself out of the car and head into the small building and up to Adam.

"Start from the top," I instruct as Flack hurries to the owner with a warrant for his security footage.

"I saw Mac standing at the counter with some guy I never saw before; just standing and watching, he wasn't even trying to leave or anything. You heard me ask what happened; he said it was the accident and he looks really rough. His face is cut and bruised and he has a black eye and I think the baseball cap he was wearing was covering something under it because I saw white, I guess it was a bandage. The guy he was with was a bit younger and called him John. But when our camera man called out my name, it spooked them and when I turned around they were gone. Must have been on foot, since I didn't see a car, but not sure of that. Sorry."

"Sorry? What for? Adam you found Mac," I smile. "Nothing to be sorry for. You found Mac."

"But I lost him again," he moans.

"If he was here once, maybe he'll come back," I mention and he finally agrees.

"Well I got the original footage," he frowns, holding up a small memory stick.

"And I got the security footage," Flack comes up to us a few minutes later.

"We need to process this right now," I instruct, taking the DVD from Flack's hand.

"I am going to have two plain clothes guys stationed here for as long as it takes. Since Adam didn't see a car drive away perhaps they are in the area and will resurface. But at least we have a place to look now," Flack tells us and for the first time in days hope is now replaced with determination.

"I knew he was alive," I utter once more, Jessica squeezing my shoulder and offering a smile. We finally take our leave, my mind racing now with panic and wonder at what kind of situation Mac has found himself in.

I pray he's ended up with an ordinary person who doesn't know any better; I pray he's not ended up in the wrong hands. But I fear inside that prayers arent always answered.

_Hold on Mac, I'll find you and soon you'll be with me, I promise._

XXXXXXXX

_I patiently wait for Shane to return but when I see Colin's face appear I am actually upset and saddened. Shane seems to want to help me and no matter what happens to me now, I can't betray his trust as I want him to take me back up to the real world as soon as he can, and once he does I'm never coming back here. _

_'John, why aren't you sleeping?' Colin asks me in a stern voice. _

_'Why aren't you sleeping?' I answer frankly and he looks at me in anger. _

_'That was a lippy answer,' he huffs as he walks up to me and looks at my appearance. _

_'I guess I am feeling better,' I reply and he lightly curses._

_'I guess so. But, your face is flushed, what have you been up to? And where is Shane?'_

_'I have been just walking around and I feel a bit sick,' I lie; feeling the urge now to not confess my actions to the man who calls himself my brother but who acts like my jailer._

_He grabs my hand and looks at some dirt on my finger tips and I pull my hand away quickly. 'Sick my ass! Where were you?' He asks in anger._

_'No where. I fell to the ground and got dirty,' I answer in haste. _

_'Why the hell do I always have to tell you everything?'_

_'Because I am trying to help you!'_

_'Do you want me to go and lie down now?' I ask with a frown._

_'No. I think you're lying to me John,' he snaps and I slightly pull back. _

_'Big surprise,' I huff and he raises his hand to hit me and I pull back a little. But I quickly regain myself and look at him in anger and he actually offers me a light scowl. Is he afraid of me? Is that possible?_

_'In any case I have a little something extra that will help you heal faster,' he tells me as he pulls out a small needle. _

_I push myself away from the table and quickly stand up; my head starting to lightly spin from lack of food. 'I don't want that,' I tell him in a firmer tone, my heart starting to race a little faster as my eyes fix themselves on the needle._

_'John, it's for your own good.'_

_'Look my hands were dirty because I fell on the floor, but I don't need that, I don't need any more drugs.'_

_'Shane!' Colin shouts and the young man finally reappears from the room he was in before. 'Where the hell were you?' He demands in anger. _

_'Bathroom,' is his simple reply._

_'John is acting up and needs his medicine and needs some help taking it,' Colin says in a commanding tone. _

_Around me, Shane is sympathetic, around Colin he's afraid and does whatever he tells him; which isn't good for me the longer I am with these two._

_I look from one to the other and feel my world starting to close in on me. 'I just don't want any more drugs, I was sick earlier. Please I just need to rest or whatever, but no more drugs,' I half beg._

_'You know I am trying to help you and this is the reward I get? This defiant attitude?'_

_'Why am I kept down here like a prisoner? You're my brother, why are you treating me like this?'_

_'I don't think you've earned an answer,' I huff as he takes a step closer and I take one back. _

_'What? I've more than earned it!' I snap. 'I am in pain, sick and have no memory! You are not telling me anything of value and I want answers! I am kept in a cold room, in cold clothes, handcuffed to the bed like I'm a bad child instead of a full grown adult!'_

_'You are acting like a child right now John.'_

_'You keep telling me about everyone else other than myself. I just want some damn answers!'_

_'When you lean to calm down,' he snaps at me and I unclench my fists. _

_'Tell me about my past, please,' I lightly beg. 'I just want to know who I really am. Anything...'_

_'Well I don't want to tell you!' He counters. _

_'Well I don't want those drugs! Can't I just sleep in peace for one damn night?'_

_'Not after that attitude!' He snaps. 'You take this needle'_

_'I don't want any more drugs!' I huff in frustration. 'I want to know who I am, damn it!'_

_Colin stops and looks at me in anger. 'We can do this the easy way or the hard way!' He states in anger; once again not listening to my pleas._

_'What is the easy way?' I dare to ask._

_'You take this needle that will help you.'_

_'And the hard way?'_

_'I force you,' he smiles and I look at him with an angry scowl. But without saying a word I push past him and head for my room, slamming the door behind me, praying he won't follow. I am unable to lock the door as it locks from the outside so I hope he'll just leave me alone. However, I am wrong and as soon as I slump down on the bed, they are both in the room and Shane is grabbing my wrists and holding them firmly over my head._

_'Hey!'_

_'Settle down John.'_

_'Let go,' I try in anger as I finally feel myself starting to tire out from my useless struggling. Shane might not be much bigger than I, but he has full strength and right now the upper hand and I can do nothing more than curse my useless limbs. Colin grabs my feet and pulls me into a lying position, yelling at me to stay put or I'll be sorry. I kick at him but he punches me in the ribs and I quickly subside and then he heads back up and captures both my wrists above my head through the metal frame with the handcuffs; putting painful pressure on my healing ribs and my injured arm._

_'Damn it!' I curse as I try in vain to pull myself free. 'Let me go.'_

_'Now you'll have no blanket either,' he barks in an angry tone as he pulls down my sweater sleeve and mercilessly jabs the needle into my vein._

_'Why are you doing this?' I ask in a panic._

_'Now you'll stay like that until I want to let you go!' He huffs, not giving me an answer as he turns and storms out of the room; Shane offering a sad glance before I am once again sealed in my dark tomb. I frantically pull on my cuffed wrists only to once again tire myself out, working myself into a fitful sweat which will only serve to cool my body temperature. And with no blanket and in this cold room, I curse myself for my stupid behavior. However unlike the last needle he gave me, this one makes my arms feel funny; like they are there but I now can't use them very well._

_'WHO AM I?' I shout in vain; no answer given in return, only darkness laughing at my pitiful state. I pull frantically once more but am trapped and going no where unless Colin frees me. But I soon feel myself tiring out and my limbs getting numb and know whatever he gave me is starting to take effect._

_What the hell did he give me? Why is he doing this to me? I slump down in angry defeat once more and for the first time in hours feel my eyes water. But I think back on the face of the young man I met today and pray that maybe he'll be able to tell someone who really knows me and they'll come looking for me and release me from this hell._

_However, as dark silence starts to wrap itself around me; I fear that hope will never be realized. I call to the face of the beautiful woman in my mind; help me, I beg. Please help me._

XXXXXXXX

As I wait for Adam to load the security footage my mind once again hears Mac calling to me for help and my eyes water. _Hold on Mac, please just hold on._

I watch Adam push the DVD into his computer and my heart starts to race once more as I see Mac follow a strange man into the back of the small internet caf. He looks nervously around and my sorrow at not being able to see his handsome face is almost starting to choke me where I stand.

"Stella," Lindsay mentions; touching my arm.

"I'm okay," I offer a whisper in return.

The team can do little more than stand as captive spectators as they watch their friend and leader so close to them and yet out of their grasp. I watch in wonder as he just looks around again, but not making a move to leave or even ask any questions. Was he threatened? And if so with what? I know Mac would never just comply with anything he didn't believe in or agree with; so I know something must be terribly wrong. He doesn't look up but I know it's him by the way he stands and how he carries himself; even though I know he's in pain, I know it's him. Then we watch Adam enter and then head up to Mac, trying to act natural, like nothing is wrong.

I hear Adam say '_hey_' and Mac only offer a nod in return; but it's not until Adam actually engages Mac that the man he's with turns around.

"Good job on the name thing," Danny pipes up. "If Mac's memory is what we know it is he would have recognized you but this way it won't spook the guy he's with."

Sadly for us we only get a glimpse from the side of the man Mac is with.

"Could be the younger guy from the other video footage," Lindsay mentions. "Sort of looks similar."

We watch as the guy Adam was supposed to meet distracts Adam and then watch as Mac is dragged toward the back door and then taken from our view.

"Maybe the name Adam is what spooked him?" Sheldon wonders.

"Good thing others turned and looked also. Less suspicious than just you," Lindsay adds.

"But that's all we have as they don't have security camera's outside so we don't know where he went," Adam huffs as my phone rings.

"Stella," Flack starts. "Jessica and I did some discreet canvassing around here and it seems that on the night of the storm a van matching the description of the one that kidnapped Mac was seen in this area but they dont know where for sure. I am going to get some guys to start a door to door search, but..."

"You're right, I want to be a part of this, Danny and I are on our way," I tell him as I hang up. "No jackets that can identify us. If this guy is watching we want to blend in," I tell Danny.

"And you don't think another woman might blend in better?" Lindsay wonders.

"I know we are all worried and want to help but I can't risk flooding that area with more people, and I need to be there. Lindsay work with Adam on dissecting that tape, see if you can find out anything on the guy with Mac. Flack says his name is Shane but never got a last name and only paid cash. The store owner said he was into porn but that was it. Sheldon, when I go back and dust for a few prints I'll send to you and I want you to run with that."

Just before I take my leave, I take Sheldon aside. "In your professional medical opinion, say its amnesia, how long would it last?"

"Depends on the seriousness of the injury to the brain; how fast it is allowed to heal; if this guy has some kind of medical knowledge does he know how to allow the swelling to go down without hindrance?"

"Hindrance?" I question.

"Even a simple pain killer can help to dampen an injured area in the brain."

"So it could come back tomorrow or next week?" I ask weakly.

"Maybe longer," Sheldon shrugs. "Depends on how fast Mac's head can heal. I mean we all know it's pretty hard," he offers and I return a slight smile. "Don't worry, he'll be fine. We just need to get him back with us so he can get some proper rest and medical attention."

I offer my thanks and then Danny and I race for a plain undercover car and back into the late afternoon sun.

"I really hope this guy is just some guy that doesn't know any better," Danny mentions as we head back toward I hope is the area we'll find Mac. "I hope his purpose toward Mac isn't sinister."

"I pray thats the case. I can't imagine how frustrated he must be at not knowing who he is or what is going on. And if the guy he's with is just making up whatever story he wants then how on earth will Mac be able to remember anything? I guess we just pray that this guy wants to help and is just doing his every day stuff and he'll resurface sooner or later."

But as I cast my worried glance out the window once more, my heart inside starts to race faster. I can once again hear Mac calling to me for help but ball up my fists once more to keep the tears at bay. However, I know tonight, I'll not be able to keep them from flowing, especially if Mac is not at my side where I need him to be.

_Mac, I need you. I have to find you...please don't give up on us. Please hold on._

XXXXXXXX

~Colin Morris~

I hear Taylor shouting at me in vain to know who he is and I just smile. I know who you are Detective Taylor and I relish in the fact that it's now you begging for my help; begging for your name to mean something to anyone that is willing to listen. But I'll not tell you; I'll not give you the satisfaction of anything you want.

But as Taylor continues his useless yelling, I watch Shane in suspect and wonder if his sympathy is starting to cave. I had worried about that when I brought him on board with this but he assured me that he was just as pissed at Taylor for his incarceration as I was and that he too wanted to get even. But maybe seeing Taylor being treated the way he is, is finally starting to wear him down and that is troubling to me. Will Shane soon become a needless liability?

Taylor said he was walking around and I know I can't keep him lying down all the time as the body will develop atrophy if it's not in use, and I need him in good condition. I get out of my chair and slowly walk back to Taylor's room and push the door open.

"Why are you still yelling?" I snap.

"I want to know who I am," he huffs, his face flushed and sweaty and he looks sick.

"Do you want me to gag you?" I threaten and he immediately calms.

"No," he mentions in a quieter tone; once again showing me who's in control I am. However, I once again relish in his helpless state and offer an evil grin as he slightly pulls on his trapped wrists. "So can you undo these now?"

"You brought this on yourself John," I tell him in a firm tone. "I only want to help you; but you need to learn to listen to me."

"Why aren't you helping me?" He asks in a softer tone; his arms finally giving up from their useless struggle; me not caring if he continues to pull and cut the flesh around his wrists. My memories of treatment and restraint keep me from showing any compassion to the man I have trapped before me; a man I am determined to break and destroy.

"I am helping you John," I answer with a smile. "I am helping to show you that I am in charge and you need to listen and do what I tell you."

"Where was I the night of the accident?" He asks again. "Please don't say out."

"You were out," I answer and he curses me once more. "Wasn't today session helpful?"

"All it tells me is about people who hate me and that I must hate them because they are my enemy but you don't tell me why," he stammers; frustration starting to take over. "Why do they hate me? What did I do?"

"You're special," I reply.

"Damn you!" He curses in anger, looking at me with a narrow gaze.

"Cursing me is not going to help you," I warn and his body finally slumps down in defeat once more.

"I just want some fresh air, I want to see outside, to know where I am, who I really am!" He rambles in desperation.

"In time if you behave, you'll earn all of that," I offer in half truth and his angry expression finally softens.

"Behave? What the hell does that mean?"

"It means you need to act like an adult and stop shouting like a child!"

"Do you hate me?" He asks point blank.

It's taking everything I have not to tell him the truth; to shout into his once proud face that yes I hate him more than any other human being in the world, which is why I am working to slowly destroy his life. However, I bite back my hidden disdain and slightly cough.

"Hate you? Why would I hate you? You're my brother," I easily lie and he looks at me in wonder.

"Then why can't you treat me better?"

"Because you are my younger brother and because you don't listen to me. John, we are going around in circles," I huff in anger. "That is enough talk for now."

"Please, do'nt leave me alone," he half begs. And if this was a normal situation and I actually cared even the smallest fraction for the person before me I would have given in; perhaps, once upon a time. However, I have no compassion for this man, except to relish in his obvious discomfort so shake my head no as I turn to leave.

"Now if you don't yell and make a fuss," I tell him pausing before I seal him in the darkness once more. "You'll get something to eat. And if you defy me again, you'll only get another needle!"

And with those harsh words, I slam the door shut, locking away his anguished curse. I lean against the door and try to hide my joy as I know my plan is working. His defiance is strong now, but in time it will weaken and then Mac Taylor will be a distant memory. I mean I'm sure he's been declared dead by now and who would pursue a dead man?

XXXXXXXX

"Okay thanks," I frown as I thank the woman before me and go in search of Danny and Flack; waiting for Jessica to join us. The three of us meet in a small laundry mat across from the internet caf, watching it intently.

"So all say the same thing, they remember seeing what looked like a medical type van the night of the storm but dont remember where they saw it go or what happened to it."

"Damn it!" I offer with an angry curse. "So close and yet so far."

"So should we start with the other side of the street?" Danny asks; referring to the side across from the caf; the side of the street that holds the building Mac is being held captive in. Danny and I agree which one I'll check and which he will; once again with the knowledge that if we run into the guy that looked like the man who was with Mac that we'll back off and wait for backup before going in.

With a deep breath I swallow my angry frustration and head across the street in search of my missing partner. Mac, talk to me, I whisper in my mind. Where are you? I push my way into the first building; the musty air starting to choke my lungs and my eyes squinting into the dimly lit area before me. The building is almost too quiet for my liking and I know that with fewer tenants around, then I know it's the perfect place to bring a man you are trying to hide away from the rest of the world.

_Where are you Mac? Talk to me...help me find you. Please!_

XXXXXXXX

_Colin finally comes back and slowly pushes the door open and glares at me with a slight frown. What did I do to incur my brothers continued wrath? Why does he say he doesn't hate me, but act like he hates me? _

_'Were you and I always at odds?' I ask in haste._

_'For the most part,' I inform him._

_'Why?'_

_'Sibling rivalry,' he smiles and my frustration is still high._

_'Why the one word answers? Why not just talk to me like an adult!' I snap as he moves in closer._

_'Listen to me very carefully John. I am your older brother, you live with me and do what I tell you. You don't work and no one in the outside world really cares about your miserable existence. You don't remember much about your life because there isnt much to it,' his voice rambles on in a firm tone. And as I continue to listen I feel myself falling deeper and deeper into mental turmoil. No one cares about me? I dont work? I have a miserable existence? I want to offer a cry of anguish but quickly swallow back my sorrow offer a frown. _

_'So no one cares about me?' I ask in misery._

_'Just me,' he answers. 'Sorry if that upsets you, but it's the truth. Why would I lie?'_

_I look at him and in truth I have no point of reference why he would lie. But why does he still seem like he's hiding something?_

_'Would I lie to you John?'_

_'No,' I offer in remorse. 'Where was I born?'_

_'Here in this city, where you have lived all your life?'_

_'I have lived in this room all my life? And yet I own nothing? Don't I like anything? Have any hobbies? Any friends?'_

_'The first two answers are yes and the last three are no. Anything else?' He counters and I clench my fists in anger. But I know to lash out would garner me getting gagged and I know I don't want that so finally shake my head no and offer a heavy sigh._

_'Trust me John, I am going to make sure that you remember all that you need to,' he smiles._

_'I would like a shower,' I mention once more. 'Please?'_

_'John, I want you to earn my trust. Have you done that today?'_

_'No,' I frown. _

_'Then if you didn't earn my trust, how on earth can you get any privileges?'_

_'But I'm cold and need a wash. Please?' I lightly beg and he finally just frowns. _

_'Will I regret allowing you this?'_

_'Allowing me? I'm an adult and I can...'_

_'Answer the damn question!' He snaps_

_'No you won't regret it,' I huff._

_'And who is in charge around here and of you?'_

_'In charge of me?' _

_'Yes, in charge of your life and getting it back on track! WHO?'_

_'You are,' I finally cave, cursing myself inside for actually giving in. Something inside tells me that I am not the kind of person that gives in but right now seems like I have no choice but to play along with this stupid game. But I will get out and then I'll never see him again!_

_'Very well then; since you have acknowledged your position I will allow it. Shane will take you to the shower room, but if he reports back to me that you did anything wrong, you will be sorry. Is that clear?'_

_'Yes,' I resign; feeling like the bad child once again._

_'Promise me you'll behave!' He snaps._

_'I promise,' I huff as he finally walks over to me and undoes the handcuffs that were keeping me in pain for the past few hours. I quickly bring my arms down in front of me, trying to rub some warmth in to them, once again seeing unloving hatred in his dark eyes. I look at my cut wrists and then hold them up to him and he just offers a sneer and I quickly pull them back._

_'Shane!' He calls and Shane hurries in. If this man is my nephew then why won't he try to tell me anything? What has Colin told him about me? Why don't they want to help me? And the more they try to hide things away from me the more I want to know._

_However, I don't want to cause an argument so I simply say nothing more as Colin walks out and I follow after Shane into the main room; my stomach is still sick from whatever he gave me in that needle and the more I walk, the weaker I feel. But much like the outing today I merely suck up my sickness in the hopes of a change of scenery and perhaps a chance at escape. Lying captive in my room for the past few hours has shown me, especially today, that these men don't really want to help so maybe if I am out in the open world then someone will recognize me and try to help. At least that's what I hope. But I also think I have given up on hope and deep inside I feel like I'll be trapped down here forever._

_I watch Colin return with a few things wrapped in a towel and hands them to me before handing a small gun to Shane; to which my eyes widen in shock. _

_'But...' I start in wonder._

_'I have a few things to do, so this is so Shane can ensure you don't try to do something stupid.'_

_'I gave you my word,' I frown. _

_'And I thanked you for that,' he offers with an air of indifference._

_'Why the gun brother? Don't you trust me?'_

_'Not yet,' he replies I haste. 'Now go, before I lose my patience once again. Shane you have twenty minutes. Any longer and then I come and there will be hell to pay.'_

_Shane nods his head and then drags me toward another door; one opposite the door we used earlier to go out; a door I see is now locked with a metal lock. My heart starts to quicken as I follow after Shane; praying I'll be found by someone who actually wants to help me; someone who doesn't hate me._

XXXXXXXX

I finish my search of the second floor and am about to head up the stair case to the third when I stop and listen; thinking I hear hushed whispers but not really sure what I hear. I very carefully start to search the third floor. But when I get to the end all the rooms are empty and the floor is clean; but my anger and frustration are very high. I very quietly start back down the stairs, my gun now drawn and my heart starting to race. I quickly flip my phone to vibrate and then reach the top landing and stop once again. Sure enough I hear hushed voices and catch my breath.

Mac? I wonder and my heart start is now pounding at the thought that I might have found the man I care about. I take a few more steps and then quickly stop; not wanting to alert anyone; especially if it is the man who has taken Mac away from me.

I am back on the main level when my phone starts to buzz. I offer a small curse and then very carefully pull it out and spy Danny's number. I dont answer but when it stops ringing I quickly send back a text.

_Danny, might have something, don't come and tell Flack not to send anyone into this building yet. Give me ten minutes. Stella._

I hear the voices once again and then all is quiet. Damn it! I curse myself, my concentrating on the texting allowed my mind to be distracted and I lost my lead. So I just wait; my breath daring not to leave my mouth as I fear it might alert whoever is there and Mac will be lost to me once again.

_Hold on Mac, I'm almost there. I pray it's you._

XXXXXXXX

_Shane leads me into the small shower room and I look around at the open space and frown when I am offered no privacy._

_'Can I have some privacy?' I ask in annoyance; mostly mad that there are no windows that I can use as an escape route._

_'I'll turn my back but don't ask me to leave the room,' Shane replies._

_'I know you want to help me,' I beg. 'Please tell me, who am I really?'_

_He looks at me and I can tell that once again his mind is in a state of turmoil at offering me the truth. 'You are John Smith and you have lived here all your life,' he finally answers with a tired voice. 'Please have your shower or Colin will come looking for you.'_

_'Is that what he told you to say?'_

_'John, now!'_

_And if I'm delaying when Colin arrives I know there will be hell to pay and so I simply offer a firm nod and head back to the shower. I slowly strip down and then look at my the bruises on my chest, the bandage does little to help and I can't help but wonder if Colin put them on me just to ease my questions. The water is only warm, not hot and so I don't find much comfort and when I'm done my body is still slightly shivering. My wrists are sore and cut from pulling against the cuffs and I look at them with a frown. What did I do to deserve this kind of life? Living like a prisoner? Being treated like a prisoner? Did I kill someone? Someone related to that Stella person? Is that why she hates me? Who is she?_

_Thankfully for me, Shane doesn't turn around and so I have some semblance of pride reestablish itself. I quickly put on the fresh items that Colin has given me and then push some wet hair off my face; the bandage on my head now wet and probably will need to be replaced by Colin. I gingerly touch the wound that has now formed a large bump on my forehead and wince under the pain and quickly pull my fingers back. The swelling has subsided so why can't I remember anything yet?_

_'Okay, let's go,' Shane directs. I head past him, my things wrapped in the wet towel and my anxiety high once again at the fact that I wasn't able to attempt some kind of escape. But as I walk past a staircase I hear a noise I hadn't before and quickly lookup. Then without warning, I push my elbow into Shane, knocking him backward and charge for the stairs; heading for the noise and hopefully someone who will want to help me._

XXXXXXXX

I hear the voices once again and very quietly head toward the stairs that will lead me to the lower level. But just as I am about to take another step down I hear someone rushing up the stairs toward me and I stop, my gun ready.

I quickly rush back to the landing and lean against a panel as the footsteps near me. I ready myself just as a man rushes by; and then I make myself known. I rush after him, my back foolishly to the staircase and grab his arm; but when he turns to face me my world comes to a sudden halt.

"Mac?" I ask in shock.

XXXXXXXX

_I stare at the woman before me; it's her, the woman in my dreams and I offer a frown. Who's Mac, I can't help but wonder. Why did she call me that? Is that my name? It doesn't sound familiar._

_"I'm John," I offer in haste as I try to push past her and head for the door to go outside. But she grabs my arm and pulls me back. "Let me go, I need to leave this place," I lightly stammer; searching the concerned green eyes before me for an explanation. "Who are you?"_

"Mac, it's me Stella. Your partner, Stella Bonasera," her melodious voice fills me head.

_But as she says her name, my world comes to a halt. The woman I have seen in my dreams; the woman I have found comfort in in my dark hell; the woman I have been calling to for help is the same woman who hates me and wants to do me harm?_

_"But..."_

"You have to come with me now," she tells me in haste. "I want to help you."

_"I can't go with you," I state, pulling back from her. And as much as I want to believe this beautiful woman before me wants to help me, I am surprised by her wanting to help me so fast and so pull back. Maybe she does want to kill me and this is a trick? _

"Why not?"

_"Because you hate me," is all I can offer; feeling the need to tell her the truth._

"What?"

* * *

**A/N: **so any guesses as to what will happen? Please review and let me know.

**PS:** Please check out my new SMACKED steamy one-shot "Central Park Detour" for some fun and naughty reading (yes I have a thing for Mac in handcuffs - I'm a woman and he's damn sexy - sue me! lol)


	6. Rescue from Hell?

**Title: A Criminal Mind  
Chapter 6 - Rescue from Hell?**

* * *

"I hate you and you hate me. Now I have to go."

"Hate you?" I ask him in shock. "What? Wait! Don't listen to them. I don't hate you, I care about you."

"I don't believe you but I would like to know what I did to you," he offers in anger, trying to move past me once again. "Will you tell me?"

"Did to you? Mac, it's me," I plead, my eyes watering as they lock with the confused blue pools before me. I look at his handsome face, begging him to come with me, taking his hand and holding it on mine. My heart breaks as his hand is cold and feels distant and is slightly trembling in mine. "Please...please come with me and I promise I will tell you the truth."

"I have heard that line already but..."

"I will..."

However, I am so wrapped up in the man before me that I fail to hear the man behind me until I turn around only to be met in the head with the butt end of his gun and I sink into darkness; my connection with Mac broken.

XXXXXXXX

_I look at Shane in surprise and anger. 'Why did you hurt her?' I ask in horror as I quickly bend down to see if she's okay. 'She was going to tell me.'_

_'We have to go,' Shane tells me, pulling me back by wrapping his arms around my chest and dragging me toward the stairs. My eyes fix on the woman lying motionless on the floor and my mind is once again in conflict. She said she wanted to help me; that she cares for me; to tell me the truth; but my brother says that she's my enemy and hates me. Who is telling me the truth?_

_'She called me Mac. Who is Mac?' I ask Shane as he drags me down the hallway. We round the corner and he pushes me up against the wall and glares at me with a firm expression. It sounds familiar, but is that my real name? Why would my brother lie to me?_

_'No idea,' Shane replies._

_'She said she wanted to help me but Colin said she hates me.'_

_'She was lying to you,' Shane snaps. 'She's a woman, she was born that way.'_

_'She sounded sincere, please let me go back and at least try to help her,' I beg, searching his eyes for the answer I want. _

_'She just wants to kill you,' Shane states in anger._

_'What? Why? What did I do to her? Please tell me what I did to her?'_

_'We have to go.'_

_'But...' I start. _

_'John we are out of time. And don't mention this to Colin, not a word...' he starts._

_'But, she said...'_

_'Forget what she said; forget you saw her face,' he tells me. 'You tell Colin and you'll be sorry. You know what he's capable of.'_

_'I don't care anymore, I'm not afraid of him. Are you afraid of Colin?'_

_'On certain things,' he answers as he pulls me back and we head for my prison once more. 'Remember what I said,' he warns as he pushes the door open and we walk in to face Colin glaring at us with a stern face._

_'Almost kept me waiting,' he huffs as he snatches the items from Shane's hand and hurries away. Shane leads me to the table and I just sit down and take my drink; my mind still wondering who this Stella Bonasera really is. But that was her face, the woman in my dreams. Why would I remember her if she hated me? She said she cared about me, is that true? Maybe that's where I was coming back from that night? Maybe I was visiting her? Maybe she would have told me what kind of man I am? Even if I did do something bad to her? Oh what have I done!_

_My eyes watch Shane and my mind races once again. He'll only help me in certain areas and in other's he's cold and aloof and helps Colin restrain me. What is really going on around here? What are they not telling me?_

_'Well John, are you happy now that you had your shower?' Colin asks as he walks back into the room. _

_'Yes,' I offer simply, a frown displaying as he nears me; my heart beating faster as he sits down beside me. I feel my nervous anxiety starting to rise as he just stares at me; his penetrating gaze trying to wear me down. And as much as I tell myself that I am not afraid of him; when I am alone like this and trapped with two men that obviously don't have my best interest at heart, I am afraid._

_'Tell me John, did you think about escaping when you saw the stairs?'_

_'No,' I lie in haste, my heart about to betray me at any second. I look at him in concern and he just smiles. Is that why he let me go with Shane, to test me?_

_'I think you're lying,' he replies._

XXXXXXXX

I slowly feel my world coming back to me; thankfully the man didn't hit me that hard, but I was out long enough for him to take Mac away from me once again. I offer an angry curse as I slowly open my eyes and spy Danny rushing into the front of the building.

"Stella!" He exclaims at my side in seconds.

"It was Mac," I state with a hoarse voice. "I saw him, he's here," I tell him.

"What? MAC!" Danny yells loudly.

"We need to find him. Danny we have to hurry."

"MAC!" Danny calls once more, before I touch his arm and make him stop.

"No don't yell again, we don't want to alert them further if we haven't already," I frown as we head for the stairs to go down; our guns drawn and our hearts keeping time.

"What did he say?" Danny wonders.

"He said that I hate him," I lightly moan. "He said I hate him and he hates me and wanted to know what he did to make me hate him."

"I guess whoever has him isn't the friendly, innocent guy we thought he was," Danny huffs.

"He looks so lost and confused," I offer in sorrow, my eyes trying to keep the tears at bay. "How could he believe that?"

"If that's all he's been told for the past three days and has no memory of anything else? How could he not?" Danny asks. "But more like he probably doesn't know what to believe."

"I'm going to kill that man for telling Mac those lies," I state in anger as he finally reach the bottom of the stairs. "We have to hurry."

_Hold on Mac, I swear I'll find you soon. Please hold on._

XXXXXXXX

_'I don't...'_

_But just as I am about to answer Colin, a small voice is heard; a man's voice, and he looks up in horror, from Shane and then to me before he offering a curse, pushes himself away from the table and then hurries into another room. I hear the voice again and wonder if I should make myself known to whoever is out there. Maybe they are with the woman who said she wanted to help me? Should I chance it? I think I should, if I am heard and then rescued it'll be worth the pain if I can leave this vile place. I heard them call Mac twice and that Stella woman called me Mac. Maybe that's who I am. I have to leave here. I have to leave here right now and find out the truth._

_'What is it?' I ask in haste._

_'Trouble,' Shane frowns._

_'But who was that voice?' I ask in a hushed tone; hearing a man's voice and not the woman's._

_'It's no one,' he says in haste as he turns and leaves me alone._

_However, I think I'm in trouble here so when both are distracted I take the opportunity to head for the door and chance an escape. It's short lived._

XXXXXXXX

~Colin Morris~

My worst nightmare is coming true all too soon; his damn partner or someone has figured out where we are and now my plan to destroy Taylor's life might be in jeopardy. With the door open I was able to hear a man's voice calling for Mac and I know I need to keep him quiet. I hurry into my office grab what I think I need and then start to close some of the heavy fire doors; further encasing us in this quiet tomb; hoping to keep my captive at bay from those I assume are seeking him; at least long enough for them to leave and us escape.

"Shane, close that door right now," instruct as I hurry for the back door. However, Taylor uses the distraction to head for the front door and my panic sets in.

"Damn it!" I curse as I rush back toward him.

"HELP!" He calls out once. "HELP M..." he tries again banging on the door before I quickly cover his mouth with my hand; wrapping my arm around his neck and start to drag him back to the bedroom. "Shane help me! Get me the cuffs and tape!" I demand in anger as Taylor tries to get himself free.

"John if you fight me I will hurt you," I warn as I struggle to get him onto the bed. "Shane, take his arms!" Taylor tries to fight back and so I offer a punch to his tender ribs and he quickly cries out in pain and subsides; allowing Shane to cuff his wrists behind his back, keeping him trapped. In case I need to make a quick get away, it'll be less cumbersome than if overhead.

"Big mistake John!" I hiss in anger.

"What is goin..." he starts only to have me quickly rip off a piece of heavy tape and press it down over his mouth to keep him quiet; offering a slap for good measure. He looks up in anger and starts to kick at me, but I hit him again in his tender ribs and he immediately subsides. I quickly bind his ankles with the tape and then cover his face and body with the blanket.

"Shane, hurry," I instruct as I head back into the main room. "How they hell did they find us?" I ask in anger.

"They are smart?" He frowns.

"Damn you! I'll be right back," I state in anger as I grab two items and race for my secret entrance that will lead me outside; where I am hoping I can lend some assistance; none helpful for my captive of course. But now my mind wonders how they found us! Shane?

XXXXXXXX

_I struggle to get the blanket off me; yelling into the gag until my throat is raw and hoarse and my face covered with tiny beads of sweat. Why did he do this to me? I just want answers! I can't continue to live like this; I just can't. I need to be free. I can't trust anyone now! I continue to pull uselessly against the cuffs; but with my feet bound and the pain in my ribs from the two hits, I soon tire quickly, my eyes blinking away salty tears, forcing me to lay back in captive defeat. I manage to get the blanket off me but it's to no avail; the male voice is no longer heard._

_Stella. Her face was the one thing I remembered in my darkened mind and she was here, telling me she cared for me? That I am her partner? In what? Was I married to her? Was that a lie? Or was she telling me the truth and my brother is lying? Why would he treat me like this? Why does he treat me like a prisoner? And now I'm beginning to think that maybe he's the one who is out to get me and Stella is the woman that wants to help me; the face I saw in the darkness offering me hope. Maybe she does want to help me and is here for me? Stupid! I scold myself as I lay back in sweaty torment; my stomach sick from getting worked up and my mind in turmoil over what just happened. I had my chance at freedom and now it might never come again. AH! I hate this! _

_Stella come and find me. Please help me!_

XXXXXXXX

"Danny, anything?" I ask in haste as we head down another small hallway. "I thought I heard..."

"Yeah me to but...damn it, nothing," he curses as he pushes a door open that leads to the outside alleyway, the door into the room Mac is, is now closed off; a wall panel in front of the door; once again sealing away the man I care about more than life itself.

I see a man walking down the alley way and call to him. "Sir!" I yell at the man who unbeknownst to me is the man holding my partner hostage.

"Yes?" He asks, slowly turning around. He has black curly hair and a mustache; something he has quickly put on to conceal his true identity.

"Did you see two men come out this way?"

"One with light hair and one with dark hair?" He asks with a frown.

"Yes," I state in haste, as Danny catches up to me.

"They got into a car and headed into the street, that way," he points in the opposite direction he's going.

"What kind of car?"

"Light colored car, small, looked like an import," he offers. "Didn't notice a license if you were going to ask that next. Sorry. I tend to keep to myself."

"Thanks," I offer as I tear up the street in search of the car that I assume has taken Mac away from me. Danny calls Flack who immediately sends a car in pursuit in the direction we assume, but it will be to no avail. As we round the corner from view I stop to catch my breath; Flack and Jessica rushing to join us.

"You saw Mac?" Flack asks in haste.

"He didn't know me," I offer in misery. "He's been told I hate him," I lightly pant. "This won't be easy. We need to find him and fast," I huff as I frantically look around. "We need to get him back to the right people before he's on his own and lost to us."

"They might come back here tonight," Jessica mentions.

"If we want this guy to think it's safe to come back then we need to get everyone out of here and then we need to lie in wait in certain areas; across the street to watch the front and in the alley to cover the back."

"Jess and I will take the front and I'll send the guys down the street," Flack instructs as I look at Danny. "I would tell you to go home and be with your family but I need you here."

"Lindsay will understand," he tells me as he pulls out his phone.

I take a few more steps away, my eyes frantically searching for anything tangible that will take me back to my missing partner. I feel Jessica's hand on my shoulder but can't bring myself to turn around. "He thinks I hate him," I offer in misery. "If he thinks that then he'll lose hope right?"

"Mac is strong Stella, and we'll get him back," she tells me in a firm tone.

"He looked into my eyes and was scared; his appearance was terrible and his hands were cold. What did they do to him?" I whisper, my eyes watering with anguished tears. "I need him back with me so I can tell him the truth."

"All set," Flack tells me. "But if this is to work we need to make ourselves scarce right now," Flack instructs. "We'll get him back Stella. Now it's just a matter of _when_ not if."

"I know," I reply, trying to offer a firm smile instead of a watery frown. But all my mind replays over and over again is that I hate Mac. How could he think that? And I know when we get him back, the road to recovery is going to be painful unless his memory comes back sooner rather than later. And who the hell did this to him?

_Oh Mac, how could you believe that I hate you? I love you and you will be with me soon, I promise._

XXXXXXXX

_I hear loud angry footsteps coming toward me and my heart starts to beat faster with nervous anxiety. I twist onto my back and watch as Colin pulls the door open and glares at me in anger. I mumble into the gag but he just looms over me with an angry face._

_What did I do? Tell me! I beg with an angry face, my wrists once again pulling against the cuffs that are keeping my arms trapped painfully behind my back, further chafing my raw skin. _

_'Do you know what you did wrong?' He asks and I frantically shake my head no._

_'Liar!__ You almost got yourself killed!' He hisses. 'Whatever you thought you heard was in your head! There is no one out there that wants to help you but me,' he tells with a smug smile as he looks at the wet bandage on my head, before ripping it away. 'You'll stay like that until morning now! That is your punishment for trying to defy me.'_

_NO! I yell into the gag. Please undo these! What did I do? I just want some answers! I'm your brother, not a prisoner!_

_'Yell all you want John,' he huffs as he turns to leave. 'But you will learn your place!' He growls as he slams the door shut._

_My place?__ It's not here! Damn it! Why didn't I give that Stella woman a chance? But if she said she wanted to help me then maybe she'll come back and I'll be rescued from this damn place. I close my eyes in the darkness and for the first time since I can remember offer up a prayer for help and a prayer for forgiveness for whatever I might have done to deserve this kind of life._

_Oh Stella, please come and find me. Please don't give up on me; I'm sorry for whatever I did to you. Just don't give up on me._

XXXXXXXX

"Stella?" Danny's soft voice breaks me from my morbid stupor. "He'll be okay."

"He has no memory and been fed lies for three days and didnt even blink when I looked into his eyes; like he's never seen me before and didn't trust that I wanted to help him. Who would tell him such things?" I ask in concern.

"A real creep," Danny huffs and I offer only a concerned look in return. "_A real bastard!_" He quickly corrects himself and I offer a firm nod.

"I can't get the picture of his face out of my mind. I need him Danny; I need him here with us, where he belongs. I need him back as my partner."

"Only your partner?"

"Yes."

"You know when Lindsay went back to Montana for those few days for that trial the one thing that really compelled me to go and see her was the fact that I really hadn't told her how I felt," he starts in a soft tone. "The day before I left I kept telling myself that she was my partner and that I needed her so I could do my job and everything will be okay. But I soon realized when she was gone that she was more than just a work partner and I didn't tell her that; I did what I had to, I left and I went to her and I told her how I felt."

"Danny..." I start.

"We all know you care for Mac, but does he know that?" Danny lightly questions.

"After today he might never believe that at all," I reply in misery.

"Yes he will. We will get him back with us where he belongs and once he's back with people who love and care for him, you'll see he'll be fine. We just need to catch the bastard that did this!"

I offer a firm smile and then cast my gaze toward the back door once again, waiting for darkness to fall so that they will hopefully return and I can take Danny's advice and tell Mac how much he really means to me; take him in my arms and just hold him until he understands that I love him and could never hate him.

_Hold on Mac, I whisper in my mind. Just hold on; you'll be with me tonight, I promise. You'll be with me and you'll be safe._

XXXXXXXX

~Colin Morris~

Taylor's people showing up here is no odd coincidence. They were tipped off by someone; and since Taylor doesn't know them, that can only mean one person; Shane. Damn his stupid sympathy! I need to move to plan two and I need to do that right now. But I need Shane's help to get this done and so once he's outlived his usefulness it'll be just me and my captive leaving this wretched place.

"Shane! We need to move to our second hideout. If they have wind of this place, it won't be long before they tear it apart and find us."

"What do I do?"

"Pack up everything that can be traced back to us, put it in the van and burn everything else in the incinerator. His bedding included. Then we hose this place down."

And for the next hour I work to pack up what few things I have brought with me to this place, cursing Stella Bonasera's name as each minute ticks slowly past. I knew she would never give up and part of me did wish for a showdown between her and Taylor but now I know I can't take that chance.

"Wipe down the chair," I order Shane as he brings a moving box and places it on the table in the middle of the room.

After I have cleaned out my office I start to hose it down with bleach and ammonia, the smell almost making me want to choke and pass out, but I have a mission and so I press on. Shane is doing the same with the shower area, the chair and his living area. Finally I head into Taylor's room and look at him in disdain.

"Do you ever sleep?" I ask in annoyance as I produce a knife and his eyes widen in wonder. However, he breathes a small huff of relief into the gag as I cut the tape that binds his feet allowing his legs to finally stretch; forcing him to curse me under the tape that is keeping him quiet. I quickly stuff the runners on his feet and then stand him up once more.

"We are going to a new home John," I tell him as I drag him from this small room, allowing Shane to take whatever he can burn and the hose down the rest. Now whatever they find in this area, will be so distorted with bleach that no DNA will be useable or traceable; and I pride myself on that. I walk up to the chair that I forced Taylor into earlier and he looks up at me with an angry expression. It's been several hours since his last mind inhibitor and I know I need to keep him supplied with them but can't afford to remove the gag and have him calling out in any way for help, so it will have to wait until we reach our next destination until I administer them again.

"You'll like your new home John," I tell him with a smile. "It's in the country, away from well, anything at all. Just us."

Taylor looks up at me with a frown as Shane comes back into the room. "Everything is ready to go; except us."

XXXXXXXX

_I watch Colin turns his back to us and then pulls out a gun with a funny looking thing on the end and points it at me and Shane; my eyes widening in fear once more. What the hell is going on?_

_'Colin?' Shane asks in haste._

_'How did they find us Shane?' I hear him ask in anger._

_'I don't know,' he insists, looking at me nervously._

_'You don't know?'_

_'It was a mistake.'_

_'You're right,' Colin smiles.__ 'One I thankfully won't have to repeat.' And before Shane can offer another word, Colin pulls the trigger and I watch in horrible slow motion as the bullet catches him right between the eyes and his body crumples to the floor dead. I look up in horror; my heart racing at top speed, as I try to push myself out of the chair but Colin simply stands in my way, his gun trained on me._

_'You don't want to defy me either, do you John?'_

_My watery gaze moves from the dead man at my feet to the live one in front of my face and I frantically shake my head no; offering whatever cry for help I can through my trapped lips. _

_'Remember that,' he says firmly as he pulls me to my feet and starts to drag me toward the passageway that I was in earlier. I look back at Shane's dead body and know the man that has me in his grasp is not only out to do me harm but intends to ensure I know what he's capable of, taking another human life in cold blood. I need to escape the first chance I get. Will that chance ever come?_

XXXXXXXX

"Danny, look!" I quickly snap too as a small light is brought to life in the basement of the building. "They went in the other way," I huff as I push myself out of my chair and race for the stairs that will take me away from this place and into the one I hope I'll find Mac alive.

Danny calls Flack and tells him we are going in and to cover the front entrance; none of us knowing that another getaway will allow Mac's captor to escape into the night unseen; at least for now.

I race for the back door, my flashlight in one hand and gun in the other; both ready for whatever they are needed for at a moment's notice. Danny waits for the door and then gives me the nod that he is ready and I quickly pull it open and then stop and listen.

"You do what I say!" I hear in a loud tone and I offer a cross expression to Danny as I know it's Mac's captor talking to him. I motion with my head in their direction and Danny allows me to go first; I wouldn't really have it any other way; not when it comes to Mac. I race down the hallway, careful not to make any noise as I don't want this to become a shootout with Mac caught in the crossfire.

We near the end of the first hallway; about half way under the building by now and the angry voice is still talking to Mac in a stern way and my anger is boiling. However, just as we are almost catching up, a homeless person makes a noise and I offer a small yelp and then curse them and myself when I hear the voices stop.

XXXXXXXX

~Colin Morris~

Damn Bonasera! I curse as I hear a female voice a few yards behind in the darkness. I know it's her; her relentless pursuit of her partner is unnerving and I can't wait until I do away with her for good. However, Taylor must suspect something as he pretends to stumble, taking me with him and I know it's only a matter of time before both of us are caught and I can't allow that.

"Get up!" I shout at him once more. However, I can sense that he knows freedom is almost within his grasp as we make it a few more feet and he pulls another stumbling stunt, not caring about the punishment I could administer. I hear her voice getting louder and know that if I'm caught I'll be game over for good and I can't allow that to happen.

I push Taylor up against the wall and glare him in contempt. "I will find you again; you'll never be safe as long as I am alive. If you tell anyone about me, I'll come back and kill you and whoever you told! I PROMISE!" I hiss into his worried face before I continue to drag him with me further into the darkness. We reach the last hallway and I need to make a run for it; l need time to get away before I am seen.

I push Taylor to the ground and race for the last door; locking it behind me and jumping into the waiting van and driving away into the night.

_"I will get even; you haven't seen the last of me. I swear on your life I will be back and you will die!"_

XXXXXXXX

"Danny!" I exclaim as I see Mac on the floor ahead of us. I quickly stop and hold Danny back in case it's a trap. I see Mac struggling to get up as we slowly approach. "If anyone is there, this place is surrounded. Come out now," I instruct in a loud tone. After a few more minutes pass I realize that Mac's captor has eluded us and I offer an angry curse. "Danny check this area and call Flack," I tell him as I rush to Mac's side.

He looks up in a panic but kicks at me when I try to come near.

"Mac, I won't hurt you. I just want to help. I promise I won't hurt you," I offer in truth; the torment in his blue eyes almost too much for me to stomach. "Please? At least let me remove the tape from your mouth, okay?" A few more minutes and he looks from Danny to me and then finally nods his head yes.

I gently peel the tape from his lips. "Mac, you are safe now," I tell him as he tries to push himself away.

"Please don't hurt me," he whispers and my heart starts to break all over again.

I look at the wound on his head and spy the fresh blood; I see the black eye and the bruise below it and offer a silent curse before I gently touch his cheek and he quickly subsides in his struggling. "What did he do to you?"

"Why do you hate me?" Is all he can ask in sorrow. But as soon as Danny comes close, his body tenses up and he starts to thrash about again.

"Hey big Mac, it's me," Danny frowns as he kneels down on the other side. "It's Danny."

"Danny Messer?" He manages. "But you hate me also."

"That is a lie," Danny states firmly. "I am your friend. That man who did this to you has been telling you lies."

"Come on Mac," I tell him in a soft tone as I help him slowly stand up. I look up and see Jessica rushing toward us with a panicked look on her usually calm face. "Flack found a body in another area that smells like it's been hosed with bleach. But there is no ID on him."

"Shane," Mac tells us and I look at him in surprise.

"Was he the man that did this to you?"

"No, he tried to help me," he whispers in sorrow. "Why do you all hate me? What did I do? Who am I?"

"Your name is Mac Taylor, and you are the head of the CSI crime lab here in New York City. And none of hate you, we are your friends and are here to help you," I tell him in a kind tone. "We need to get him away from here."

"Where will you take him?" Danny wonders.

"Right now, to my place, so he can rest. Then I'll take him to his tomorrow and then to see Dr. Adams and hopefully he can help us figure out what to do next. I don't want to take him to the lab just yet or he'll be bombarded with a million people confusing him even more," I mention in concern.

"Stella, do you want me to come with you?" Danny asks.

I look at Mac and he just looks back at me in uncertain wonder. "No I'll be fine."

"I want this place locked down and get Sheldon and Lindsay here and start to work it and see what we can find," I tell him as Flack finally joins us. "There is still one man out there responsible for this and we need to find him."

"Hey Mac," he offers with a smile. But when Flack makes a move to undo Mac's cuffs, Mac pulls back in fear.

"Flack its okay," I tell him in haste.

"Do you need a handcuff key?"

"I have one," I reply with a frown.

XXXXXXXX

_I look at the group of people before me and frown. I don't know them but at the same time they seem somewhat familiar. I am told my name is Mac Taylor and I am a CSI? What is a CSI? But then Colin told me that is the organization that wants to do me harm. What is going on?_

_Stella wants to help me and I hear she is taking me to her home. But why am I still handcuffed? Don't they trust me? I hear her give more instructions; names that once again I should know but the things she is saying is almost in another language and I wonder how this all fits into my previous life. _

"Ready Mac?" She asks me gently.

"Are you going to let me go?" I ask eagerly as she leads me away from the rest of the group. _I look back and only offer a heavy sigh. They all seem concerned about me and no one is yelling at me or getting mad at me, so that's a good thing right?_

"I will when we get home," she tells me with a kind smile as we round the corner and I pull back, out of her grasp. "Do you want to come with me?"

I look at her in suspect but don't know if she's telling the truth. "What is there?"

"The truth," she tells me.

"I can get that on my own," I tell her with a frown as I once again struggle to pull myself free.

"Mac, you can't pull yourself out of those so stop struggling or you'll hurt yourself further," she tells me and I just look at her in surprise. _She sounds concerned, maybe she is telling me the truth. And in my mind I know that it can't be as bad as the hell I have just endured_.

"Will you let me go?"

"After you are away from here."

"You don't trust me?" I can't help but wonder.

"I want to Mac, but if you run away and get lost out there in the dark then I'll never be able to help you get better," she answers in truth.

"I just want to go away from here," I tell her in truth, trying to back up as she nears me; my heart racing once again.

"What can I do to make you believe that I want to help you?" She offers.

"Let me go?"

"You mean out of the cuffs?" She wonders. "Because I'm not letting you just wander the streets alone and hurt with no one out there that knows you but us."

"How do you know me?"

"We work together," she replies with a kind smile. "We have for ten years."

I look at her face and it's soft and appears sincere and something inside me tells me that I should trust her. "Uncuff me?"

"You give me your word you won't try to run away and I will," she replies.

"I promise, I won't run away," I lightly beg. "Please," I try pulling myself free and stopping just before the front entrance. "I was kept like a prisoner for the past few days; I just need to be free."

She looks at me with a soft expression and I feel my nervous tension starting to fade. "Okay," she finally gives in and undoes the handcuffs, taking my hands and examining my wrists, eyeing the cuts and then looking up at me with a frown. "I'll clean them at home," she tells me.

"Now you know why I hate them," I admit in a soft whisper as she starts to lead me outside and then down a few car lengths to a waiting truck. I hesitate for a moment but when I look around and know that I really know don't know where I am, I offer a heavy sigh and inside the strange truck and am greeted by warmth but am still leery, so when she moves in close, I pull back and so does she.

"Sorry," she whispers in sorrow. "What was the name of the man that kept you?"

"You mean my brother Colin?" I ask, as my eyes continue to just stare outside, taking in everything they can; hoping something will jog my tired brain.

"Mac, you don't have a brother named Colin. That man wasn't your brother. He kidnapped you; means he set a trap and held you against your will, and has fed you lies for the past three days," she tells me and I shake my head no. "He was an evil man who only wanted to hurt you."

"He said he wanted to help...but...he kidnapped me..." I try again, my stomach starting to feel sick from the movement and lack of food. "Please pull over."

"What? Why? We are almost home?"

"I want to throw up," I admit and she quickly pulls over.

XXXXXXXX

I rush around to his side and help Mac over to the curb and watch in misery as he throws up whatever he has in his stomach; which by the looks of his condition isn't much. I gently rub his back and he looks up at me in anguish.

"Why are you helping me?" He asks me again.

"Because I care about you," I whisper in truth.

"Why did he say you hate me? Please, tell me what I really did to earn your hatred?" He begs and my eyes water. "Please don't lie to me, I can take the truth, I just need to know."

"Mac, I could never hate you. I care about you," I tell him, moving in a bit closer, touching his flushed face and brushing away some salty tears. "If I didn't care about you I wouldn't be here right now. Please we need to get home. I need you get you someplace warm and safe."

"But..." he starts in protest.

"Mac, please. I give you my word, I want to help you remember and get better. I am going to take care of you. Please believe me," I lightly beg. "I will not let anyone hurt you."

"But..." he tries again.

"I'll make you a promise. You come with me right now and I swear that if you don't feel safe, cared about and wanted; with hopefully some answers that make sense then, you can just leave," I offer. In truth I'm not about to let him just wander around the city with no memory about who he is and with the knowledge that his kidnapper is still out there, probably waiting for an opportunity to come back. But I just need to gain his trust. I know I could just force him to come with me but after all he's been through and had to endure, force is the last thing I want to use. I want him to come on his own; I need him to. And as I look in to his handsome face my heart is racing in anticipation. "Is that okay?"

He finally offers a silent nod of compliance and my heart just breaks all over again. Mac is so sure of himself, so strong and confident; my rock when my life is bleak, but the man that is before me is questioning everything he holds dear, unsure of himself and afraid to trust me and I know tonight is going to be torment on both of us.

We finally reach my apartment and I stop and he just looks around in wonder; his brain trying to comprehend where we are, but nothing really registering.

"Why are we stopping?" He questions with a frown.

"This is where I live. You are going to stay with me tonight and tomorrow we'll stay at your place, okay? Now I have a no men policy but I think I can make an exception for you this once," I offer with a small smile, hoping he'll remember that.

"I don't..." he offers in protest.

"Sorry it was supposed to make you smile. Mac, you are safe. Why did he call you John?"

"He said that was my name. John Smith. I like think I Mac better," Mac answers me with a frown and I can't help but smile.

"I like Mac too," I offer and he finally rewards me with a half smile. It's not much but right now it's more than hoped for.

I finally push myself out of the front seat and hurry around to his side; mindful of the fact that he's injured and I help him down. I take his hand and we slowly walk inside; his hand is cold and slightly trembling and my heart continues to shatter with each step we take. His eyes dart around and he hesitates as we enter the building. His body tenses up in the elevator and I wonder if he'll ever make it through the night in mental tact.

"I kept asking him why," he whispers as we reach inside the front entrance and I close the door, sealing us away from the harsh outside world. I turn to him and finally wrap my arms around him, holding him close; my eyes offering fresh tears; emotions locked inside for the past few days finally coming to the fore. I finally feel his arms wrap around me, his body still trembling; but holding onto me, afraid to let go; holding me close but I know that it's for his comfort, not mine.

"You are safe from him now Mac. He won't hurt you again."

"I don't want to be alone."

"You won't. I am going to help you get through this, I give you my word."

"I want to remember."

"Mac, you will remember everything about your life. You have a great life and you will get back to it, I promise."

"Help me," he whispers into my ear in torment. "Please help me remember?"

"I will."


	7. A Walk to Remember?

**Title: A Criminal Mind  
Chapter 7 - A Walk to Remember?**

* * *

I watch Mac just standing in my apartment; looking around, unsure of the place I have brought him to and my anxiety is well past the breaking point. I remember being nervous the first time Mac came over; but that was to see how I was feeling after I was injured and I didn't know what to expect from him. But as we have grown and he came over for coffee once before my nervousness had finally subsided; now it's higher than ever.

"Are you hungry?" I ask in concern, afraid to almost leave his side.

"Why do you want to help me?" He asks again.

I head into the kitchen, retrieve a small picture and bring it to him. "This is us at a company event a few months ago," I tell him placing the picture in his hands. He looks at it with intent, his brain obviously struggling to remember why we are dressed up and together and smiling.

"Are we married?" He asks softly, looking up with a slight frown.

I offer a faint smile as I gently touch his face, feeling the flushed skin tease my fingertips. "No, we are not married, but we care for each other. We are more than just friends and have been working together for ten years. That is part of the reason I want to help you; a big part."

"I wish I could remember," he tells me in torment.

"You will in time," I tell him softly. "How are you feeling?"

"Sore and very tired and cold."

"Come here," I instruct, putting the picture down and leading him to the bathroom and letting him sit down on the toilet seat so that I can inspect him. "Mac, I am going to just see what is going on, okay?"

"My head hurts and so does my chest," he informs me.

"Mac, you head wound is bleeding. Did he hit you there?"

"No. I think it's from when he ripped the bandage away. Is it okay?"

I look at the stitching on his head and frown as I start to clean away the fresh blood from the stitching. "Just some surface blood and the bump has gone down," I tell him in a quiet voice as I gently lift his face to mine; my heart breaking again as I spy the small cuts and the bruises from the accident and his harsh captor. "This bruise is fresh," I whisper in torment.

"He hit me," he mumbles and my fists tighten.

"He'll never hurt you again Mac."

"I wish I could remember my real name," he huffs in sorrow. "I wish I could remember who I am."

"I will take you to your home tomorrow and then hopefully you'll see if anything looks familiar," I let him know.

"I see strange images, pictures, flashes of things that I should know."

"Mac, your memory is trying to heal, you are trying to get better. Now can you take off your sweater so I can see the rest?"

He hesitates so I gently take his cold hands and hold them in mine. "I am not going to hurt you, I promise. But if you don't want to then you don't have to."

He searches my eyes and I offer a warm smile and he finally settles back down. "Okay," he replies with an uncertain voice. I help him stand up and then lift off his sweater and then stifle a gasp at the ugly marks on his perfect chest.

"From the accident," he mentions once more. I look at the bruising and the crude bandaging and wince. "It got wet from the shower and Colin didn't change it."

"Let me fix that okay?"

"What is a CSI? I should know it."

"Crime Scene Investigator," I tell him as I gently unwrap the damp bandages from his chest and then put them in the garbage. I gaze at the purple bruising and then stand back up; reaching for some bandages from a first aid kit and then gently wrapping them around his ribs to keep them a bit warmer.

"What is this from?" He asks referring to the scar above his chest.

"Beirut. It was war and you were injured."

"When was I there?"

"1983."

"What year is it now?"

"2009," I tell him and he frowns. "Mac, it will all come back in time. I promise."

"I saw your face, when I was in darkness," he tells me and my eyes water as I look into his. "Even though I was told you hated me you gave me hope; after I saw you again, I prayed for help."

"I never stopped looking for you," I tell him in sorrow. "I know you probably have a million questions but you are cold and look like hell and just need to sleep."

"I don't sleep. Why don't I sleep?"

"You were a Marine," I gently inform him. "You always told me that since then you were trained to being ready for a fight or a war at any second and so you never have had a good nights rest after that. Plus a few other events have helped along the way."

"Marine? My brother said I was useless and did nothing," he tells me in sorrow, his eyes once again searching mine for evidence that I am not lying to him.

"Mac, I am not lying to you. You are far from useless and you are responsible for eight million people in this city. I think that's a pretty big job for a smart guy. Don't you?"

He looks at me with a frown but offers nothing in reply; his brain once again trying to comprehend all that I am telling him.

"Tomorrow we'll go to your home and hopefully some of your personal things will help jog some memories. But right now I insist that you at least get some sleep."

"But..." he tries to protest. "I don't like sleep."

"You need sleep," I tell him with a smile. "I insist."

"Are you going to handcuff me to the bed?" He asks with a frown and I can't help but smile. "What?" He asks quickly. "Why are you smiling?"

"Well that kind of suggestion is uh...not tonight?"

"Tomorrow?" He asks but I notice he's now getting agitated; that his suggestion is far from a playful fantasy, he's actually concerned about what I might do to him and that worries me even more.

"Did your captor do that to you?" I ask softly.

"Yes. As punishment each night. Said it was to keep me from hurting myself," he admits in frustration. "I wasn't going to hurt myself and I was cold every night. That damn room didn't have heat and I was given only a small blanket...and..." his voice rattles off in a heated panic and I tenderly brush his lips with mine; forcing him to look up at me in shock.

"You are safe now Mac," I tell him.

"Why did you just kiss me?" He wonders.

"Because you need to calm down and because I care for you and no, I'm not going to handcuff you to the bed," I tell him in haste as I take his hand and give it a gentle squeeze. "Let's see those wrists okay?"

XXXXXXXX

_I watch her face as she works on my wrists; her smile is soft and kind and her fingers are delicate and warm but for some reason I am at ease around her. She offers me another smile as she puts a band aide on the wrist that was captured more than the others. _

"I have something a little more comfortable for you to wear to sleep," she tells me as she leads me into her bedroom and quickly gets me a pair of dark sweat pants and a white t-shirt and hands them to me. "You left them here one time before when you stayed with me when I was injured."

"I'm sorry," I tell her as I take the clothes and she looks at me in wonder.

"Mac for what? You have nothing to be sorry for."

"For whatever I did to make this man want to do these things to me," I state in frustration. "I am trapped inside myself and I hate it!"

"I can't even imagine what that's like," she tells me in a kind tone. "I would offer a sleep aid but I am told that any kind of medication might hinder your recovery so..."

"He gave me pills and needles," I confess and she frowns.

"How many?"

"A few at first and then a needle last night and then was it, at least I think so. Unless he gave them to me when I was sleeping. Do you think the drugs are hindering my memory?"

"There are drugs that do that, and if his goal was to brainwash you into thinking something else then..."

"I tried to fight them."

"All the time?"

"At first and then they stopped."

"So he probably gave them to you another way."

"The drinks."

"Dr. Adams will tell us more tomorrow."

"Who?"

"A friend. Where did he say you were going tonight? Where was he taking you?"

"To the country were no one would find me," I whisper in misery. "He said he'd come back and kill me."

"You will get through this," she assures me, offering me a hug and a warm kiss on the cheek. "He'll never take you away again Mac, I promise."

"But he said..." I start in a panic.

"Mac, I promise, you are safe."

"Thank you for coming back for me," I tell her as I offer one more hug; giving her whatever strength my body has left.

"Just change and then rest, okay? I'll be right out here if you can't sleep," she informs me and I just nod my head. I take the clothes and quickly change, and then start to carefully look around her bedroom; hoping something will help to bring back a memory. Sadly after a few minutes of trying to get my brain to remember something I offer a small curse and then slump back on the bed in defeat. But I'm afraid to turn off the light and fall asleep as I don't know what I'll wake up to so just lay down on the side that is less injured; my eyes struggling to stay awake.

My eyes water once more as my fists tighten, my brain once again struggling to remember anything it can about a place I should know. It just flashes odd images of equipment, a dead body, a bright flash of light, a dark haired man lying with blood all over him and other things. If I care for this woman and we are more than friends, then I should be able to remember something right? Something besides images that make no sense. I finally sense her presence and lift my tired eyes in her direction and she just frowns.

"I'm afraid to fall asleep," I admit in misery. "I don't know what I'll wake up to."

"You'll wake up to me," she smiles and my body starts to ease a little.

"I really want to believe you."

"I can't imagine what you have been through in the past few days; it was hell for me," she admits, slowly walking up to the bed and then easing herself down beside me. I stay on my side; tense and slightly shivering until she gently eases me into her arms; pulling a blanket over us to calm my nervous tension; the warmth finally settling upon me and calming my nerves.

"Just rest okay?" She soothes, gently rubbing my rough face with her warm fingers. "You need a shave," she mumbles and I can't help but smile.

"Do I always shave?"

"Yes," she smiles. "I like you smooth."

"Okay. Tell me what happened to me the night of the accident? Was I coming back from seeing you? Why was I out?"

"What did Colin tell you?"

"Nothing more than a simple car accident. He never told me good things; only terrible things that I hoped I didn't have to believe. He made me feel that I was a useless member of society and whatever he gave me I deserved," I offer with a heavy sigh and her arms actually tighten around me; as if afraid to let go, and in that one small act I finally find a semblance of peace.

"Do you remember anything about that night?"

"I remember a flash and then I woke up looking at him," I frown, my heart starting to beat faster as I am forced to relive those terrible moments. "I was taken to a strange place and I guess he patched me up. Where was I that night? Where was I coming back from? Why was I out?"

"You were coming back from a case that we had been working on for a week. There was a pretty bad storm and the truck you were in fell into a bridge; a trap he set for you. The flash was lightning and then you hit your head and passed out and then Colin came and kidnapped you. I thought you were dead because he planted clues to mislead us. We searched for days before we happened upon you today."

"Sorry."

"Mac, you never have to say sorry for any of this. The man that took you from me should be saying sorry!" I hear anger offered in her voice. "What happened after that?"

"Then I woke up strapped to a table not wearing anything. Then he gave me clothes and some pills and then locked me in a small dark room that was cold; I was handcuffed to the bed. I remember shivering all night and was in pain; but I kept seeing your face, and despite being in complete agony, your face gave me some comfort."

XXXXXXXX

Listening to Mac's tormented account is making my heart actually painful in my chest; my eyes are watery and I can't help but feel that at any second I'll tell him to stop as I can't take hearing any more of his sad account. Sadly I must push on so I can understand all he went through so I can tell Dr. Adams tomorrow. I hold onto him; my arms wrapping tighter and I finally feel his body starting to ease in its trembling and I find some relief in that small act.

"I wish I was there to help you," I whisper in torment.

"He didn't let me sleep very long, and despite the fact that I was in a lot of pain forced me into a chair; strapped me down and then forced me to listen to statements about you and other people that hate me and that I hate them; never telling me why. That's all he'd do for me; offer me just statements about people out to get us but never telling me why. And until I was outside for those few brief moments I thought that that was my fate and that I deserved this for some reason."

I kiss his cheek and notice his eyes offer tears and I brush them away. "You are strong Mac, you will get through this."

"Strong hardly, I should have fought back harder..."

"Mac..."

"No, you said I was a Marine, a soldier? Then I was used to tense situations, why the hell..." he starts in anger, his heart racing and his fists clenching.

"Mac, you were injured and alone, being held captive in a strange place against your will by two men that only wanted to tell you lies instead of the truth."

"I was weak," he manages. "I should have fought harder!"

"Mac, you are one of the strongest men I know. You are strong and confident and were fed lies and drugs and were with two men that didn't want to help you."

"But..."

"Trust me you did nothing wrong. Tell me about Shane."

"Colin said he was my nephew but he too was afraid of Colin and would only help me on a few occasions the rest of the time he would help Colin restrain me."

"How did help you?"

"Toward the end. He's the one that took me to that odd place where I met that young man named Carl. That was my first taste of the outside world...Stella, I'm sorry I didn't listen when you first found me."

"Mac, I have you now, that's all that really matters."

"Who was that young man named Carl?"

"That was Adam, he was undercover and he's one our team," I inform him.

"Well I'm glad he was there as I wasn't sure how much longer I could have remained with my brother...or whoever the hell he is."

"Just rest now okay Mac? Your body needs rest. You are safe now; no one can hurt you again. We'll talk more in the morning."

I hold Mac until his breathing finally slows and his tense body is at ease once more. I lean my head back against the wall and look down at him in loving concern. Whatever hell his captor put him through shows on him and I need to get him back up to fighting form as it were. I know Mac's not much of a breakfast person but for the next few days, I'll have to make him believe he is so that he can get his strength back and help himself heal. I have no idea how to help his memory heal faster than it can but I know that until he's back to being the Mac Taylor that was on his way back to me that fateful night, I know I cannot leave him alone; especially if there is someone out there who wants to come back and take him from me.

After about an hour my head shifts to one side and I quickly open my eyes and sees that Mac is still asleep and smile down at him, before very carefully removing myself and letting him curl up with a pillow before turning off the light, mindful to keep the door open so he doesn't feel like he's back in that dark prison.

After I change, I head into the kitchen and ready a few things for the morning; wanting to give him a solid rest and knowing that even my snoring might keep him awake. I lean against the frame and offer a heavy sigh of frustration. Last night I was here and my night was fitful as I didn't know what Mac was enduring; tonight, although he's only a few feet away, my night will still be fitful at what he's gone through.

XXXXXXXX

_'John, I'll always be with you...'_

_'Kill whoever you tell...'_

_'I'm not going to tell you anything...'_

_'Just to shut you up for a bit...'_

_'Stay like that all night!'_

_'In the country away from everyone...'_

_'Always alone...'_

_'No one loves you...'_

_'Now you die too!'_

"NO!" I shout as I pull myself from my sleep in a panic. But when I see the room is dark, my mind flashes me images of the prison I was kept in, and I start thrashing about. I feel someone beside me, calling me a name I don't recognize.

"Mac, its okay..." I hear the soft voice, but my watery eyes only see Colin's laughing face looking down at me and with one burst of strength I push my arms forward and Stella goes flying off the bed and into the wall behind her, offering a small cry before she falls to her knees. She quickly turns on the light and my watery gaze rests upon her in horror. She only wanted to help me and I hurt her.

"Mac, it's me!"

"Stella!" I exclaim as I push myself from the bed and stumble toward her, falling to my knees at her side. "I'm sorry...I didn't...oh what did I..." I rush and she just puts a warm finger to my lips and stops my frantic rumbling. "Did I hurt you?"

"You didn't hurt me," she offers warmly and I curse my stupidity.

"But..."

"Mac, I'm okay. You just had a nightmare, you are safe."

"I can't live like this," I lightly moan as she helps me back up and we both sit on the edge of the bed.

"Mac..."

"I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS!" I shout, making my stomach constrict in pain and my head throb. But when she doesn't pull back I am surprised. "Sorry to yell."

"After what you have gone through I think you needed it."

"Did I break anything?"

"No, but maybe I should have cuffed you to the bed," she teases with a smile.

"Why do I get the feeling you'd like that?" I can't help but ask.

"Trust me, under normal circumstances you would also," she retorts and I look at her in surprise. "As I said I care for you."

"Oh we are _those_ kind of friends," I offer and she laughs. "Did I hurt you?" I need to know. "Please tell me the truth?"

"No you did not. Do you want me to leave a light on?"

"Stupid right? Afraid of the dark?"

"Mac, after what you have been through no one is going to fault you for not wanting to be reminded of that so soon. How do you feel right now?"

"Sick," I finally admit. "I had a shake before I was found but that's about it."

"What else did he give you to eat?"

"Else? Nothing else," I tell her and she offers a small gasp.

"At all?"

"A couple of shakes a day but that was it; said it was all I could handle."

"Do you want to eat right now?"

"No, I just want to rest. Am I being a burden? Because I can..." I start only to have her brush my lips with hers, making her pull back in surprise once again.

"You'll never be a burden to me," she reminds me and I can't do much else other than smile. I finally allow her to help me back into the warm bed and as much I want her to get a good nights rest I dont want to be alone. "Stay with me?"

"I snore," she tells me and I smile.

"I don't care. I just don't want to be alone."

"Come here then," she offers as she pushes herself beside me and places me head on her chest; my ear listening to the sound of her heart beating. She starts to stroke my face with her delicate fingers and whispers goodnight and so I close my eyes once more; my arms now automatically wrapping around her, ensuring that I'm safe and she'll watch over me while I sleep. My guardian angel; the one who in the darkness was my only source of light. I finally close my eyes, falling asleep to the comforting sound of her breathing.

XXXXXXXX

The rest of the night was hell for both Mac and I as he would on a regular basis be pulled from sleep by a terrible nightmare; cursing the world around him and offering an apology when he thought I was mad or wanted to leave. I am hoping that when I take him to his place that he'll be able to find some comfort in things that look recognizable but I am not holding out much hope of a day of ease for either of us.

And by the time morning comes around, each of us is still tired but at least he's finally come to terms with the fact that I am here to help him and I finally leave his warm body alone to make him some breakfast as I know he needs his strength.

"Stella," Flack greets me on the phone. "How is he?"

"Confused, frustrated, angry, hurt, gosh, do you have a dictionary?" I offer with a small frown. "What did you guys find? Anything on the description that Mac gave us?"

"No sorry, but Adam is still looking. As for this place Mac was kept not much but a lot of ammonia and ashes," Flack huffs. "The ID on the vic is Simon Barns. I know Mac said his name was Shane but I'm guessing whoever took him probably offered fake names which means..."

"His captor, Colin, could be anyone. Mac said that his captor said he'd come back to get him. Flack we have to make sure that until this guy is caught and arrested or Mac is back to himself that we dont leave him a lone for any reason. If he takes him again, I doubt he'd make another mistake of letting us find him."

"Agreed," Flack huffs.

"This Simon Barns was incarcerated by Mac a few years ago when he murdered those two boys found by that small lake but claimed he heard voices telling him so. I am still trying to track down any visitors or anyone else this guy had contact with, might lead us to the man who planned Mac's kidnapping. Sinclair said he'd handle the major stuff and Jess and I will help him with that and the team will field the cases as usual, Danny is happy to finally be in charge of something," he tells me and I offer a half smile. "And if you need anything at all, even a new babysitter, just call. Most of the DNA was compromised but Sheldon is back there right now with Adam and trust me with daylight helping them, if there is anything to find, they'll find it. Do you need anything else?"

I look up at Mac, who is just standing in the doorway with a confused look and I smile. "Yeah a miracle," I smile as I hang up. "Morning."

"Did you sleep at all?" He asks in concern, slowly walking up to me and offering a small smile. And despite his beat up condition; he's still the most handsome man in the world to me, a man that makes my heart skip a beat when he smiles at me.

"A little. You?"

"Probably much the same," he huffs. "But I am hungry. Do I eat breakfast normally?"

"You are a big breakfast eater," I lie; wanting to put something more in his stomach besides coffee. "So just sit yourself down where you want and I'll make wh..."

"I don't mind helping. I hate to just stand around and do nothing," he frowns and I just smile.

"Sounds like the old you," I praise and his posture eases. We start into making breakfast, but he's still aloof and won't open up much.

"Do you feel like talking? You asked so many questions yesterday, why so quiet now?"

"Not sure where to even start. I have so many damn questions my head hurts to think of which one I want to ask first," he frowns.

"Well after breakfast we'll go to your place and then we are going to see a friend."

"A doctor? I refuse to go and see a doctor," he stammers in haste. "My brother...Colin...whoever the hell is was said he was a doctor!"

"Mac, this man wants to help you and I trust him. He's known you for years and is a friend. He's only going to look at your head, not try to fill it with lies."

"But..."

"Please trust me. I give you my word that he only wants to help and I'll be with you all the way."

He finally offers a nod and then we sit down at the table and for the first time since I have known him we actually take our time enjoying the food before us. Mac eats a little faster than I would like, like he's afraid I'll take it away if he doesn't eat it fast enough. And although I'm sure it will give him indigestion, I don't say a word, afraid to damage his already fragile ego. But he offers little in the way of conversation and this silence is actually starting to feel stifling.

However, I don't want to urge him if he's not ready and so just offer a kind smile as he finally pushes himself away from the table and heads into the bedroom to change.

"Today is going to be a long day," I huff as I start to clean up. He reappears and I offer a smile and he finally rewards me with one as well. Today I am going to help him hopefully get back on the road to recovery, but what he told me about his captor is haunting my waking thoughts; that he'll come back and take Mac away from me again and kill him. And in that very instant, I offered a silent vow to give my life before Mac's is taken once more. I'll get you Colin, or whoever the hell you really are; and I'll make you pay for doing this to Mac.

XXXXXXXX

The ride over to the place Stella calls my home is one of uncertain wonder. I know I should talk more but my eyes need to take in all I can so that I'll remember at least something; anything to get my memory back where it should be. Certain things look somewhat familiar but I can't quite place them and my frustration is once again on high. We reach the place Stella calls my home and my nervousness is high as Stella finally opens the door and lets us inside. I look around, trying to place anything but get angry at myself when I can't seem to know my own life.

"Mac, this is your place and we have the whole day. So you just take your time, look at everything you need to and ask whatever and however many questions you need to. We will go and see Dr. Adams after lunch but then we'll be back here, okay?"

I look at her with a frown before nodding my head and taking off my shoes. "How long have you known me?"

"Over ten years," she answers. I think I have asked her that already, in fact I know I have asked her several questions over and over again but she seems to just kindly answer and I finally dont feel like I am a burden to her and my heart rate starts to slow.

I wander over to some pictures on the wall and gaze at the man in them and sure enough it's me looking back, only younger and fresher looking. "Why am I dressed like this?"

"A Marine is a division of the army," she replies in simple terms. "You were in it for a number of years and you were in a war in Beirut which is how you got injured. You studied forensic science and then decided you were tired of moving around so much and so took the job here as lead of the CSI lab and have been happy doing your job ever since."

"I am in charge?"

"For the most part," she replies and I look up to see her smiling. "You and I run the lab together but you are titled the boss."

"Partners," I mumble as I continue my investigation into my past. My eyes rest on each and every thing they can find and in the space of an hour, I haven't moved hardly a foot. I look up to see Stella watching me with a nervous expression and I know she's probably as frustrated as I am that I can't do much else than ask stupid questions about things I should know.

"Mac, I know this is frustrating for you but don't worry it will come in time," she tells me and I just frown.

"How did you know I was going to ask that?" I wonder.

"I know you," she smiles. "Whatever lies Colin told you were wrong. He wanted to control you; set a new future for whatever reason he made up. We didn't find his prints so we dont know who he is for sure and why he was targeting you."

"He said he was a doctor," I tell her and she looks up in wonder.

"Did he say of what?"

"No, just a doctor and thats why he could help me," I huff in anger. "At times I wanted to kill him."

"Trust me, if I had found you in his grasp I would have done the job myself," she admits and I look up to see her offer me a wink. "Like is said last night Mac, I care about you."

"I am trying to believe that," I tell her as I spy the object on the floor and bend down to it.

"Base guitar," she tells me as I open the case to inspect the amazing instrument at my fingertips. "Do I play?"

"In a band. Every week in a small intimate club if you have time," she answers.

"Do you come and watch me play?" I ask as I gingerly pick up the guitar and hold it in my hands. And without thinking my hands assume their normal position and I strum a few cords and she comes and stands beside me.

"Beautiful," she praises and I offer a shy smile.

"I'm just happy I remembered what to do," I offer as I gently put it back into its case and close it tightly. But that one moment gave me hope about what else I might pick up automatically and so I press on with renewed determination. However another hour later and I'm back at square one and my angry frustration is starting to build and I feel myself wanting to explode.

"I can't do this," I offer in quiet anger.

"Do what? Mac you can't be expected to just remember everything like that. The wound on your head tells me you sustained a good deal of damage but Dr. Adams will be able to tell us what is really going on. Until then you need to be patient."

"I hate being patient!" I finally snap. "Colin told me that over and over again; you're the same! Telling me something I don't want to hear! I need to leave, I can't live like this."

"Mac, you are not going anywhere alone and that is final."

"I just want to leave this place!"

"And where are you going to go?" She counters.

"Away...anywhere, I don't care, I just need answers now and I guess I'll go and find them myself."

"There is nothing out there but a man that wants to kill you."

"I want to leave!"

"No."

"Please, let me just go," I lightly beg in quiet anger.

"No way. Now if you need to take a break, let's have some lunch and then try again. We see Dr. Adams at two so we have a bit of time before then. But that's it, sorry."

"I want to be alone," I tell her angrily.

"Well I'm not going to leave you alone."

"I WANT TO BE ALONE!" I shout as I feel my head starting to get dizzy once more from my own stupid actions.

"NO!" Stella shouts back at me, standing before me and blocking my path to the door so I can't leave. "I'm not going to let you push me away Mac because you are afraid right now. I know you are scared and can't imagine the hellish nightmare you are trapped in right now; but I'm scared too and we have to fight this together. You will get past this; remember who you are and then everything will be okay; but it will take time and I'm not going to just up and walk away and let you deal with this on your own. I have never walked away from a fight and I'm not about to start. And you, you have never backed down to anything or anyone in your entire life and I know you wouldn't want me to help you give in."

"But..." I start with a heavy sigh; my head warm and my heart racing.

"No but's Mac. That's just the way it is. So yell, scream, shout, cry, do whatever you have to, to get yourself through this, but know this Mac," she tells me in a softer but firm tone as she takes my hand and holds it in hers, giving it a reassuring squeeze, "that no matter what changes you go through or what trials you have yet to face I'm going to be at your side every step of the way. And nothing you can say will make me change my mind or make me stop caring for you."

"Were you always this stubborn?" I ask in a huff.

"Yes, I learned it from you."

"I don't deserve you," I offer with a sad whisper as she gently touches my face, her frown replaced with a kind smile.

"We will beat this Mac, you and I together will get through this and get our man. We always have; together we are unbeatable. We will find Colin and make him pay."

XXXXXXXX

~Colin Morris~

"Damn you Bonasera!" I offer an angry curse into the dimly lit room that I am lightly resting in. My plan was working until Shane somehow alerted them to Taylor's location. He was in pain, miserable, angry, confused and believing the lies I was feeding his deluded brain with; my plan was working!

"Calm down Colin," I tell myself; still refusing to acknowledge the name I was given at birth; the name so highly decorated at one time in the medical community.

"Taylor is going to be surrounded at all times," I start into my one person conversation as I push myself from my chair and slowly pace the room I call my new office. "I have to lure him away from their safe confines somehow. He'll go and see a real doctor and if they take a blood test, they'll find the medication that he's been given and tell him what it's for and that he needs to stay away from it."

I slowly wander over to the window and gaze out into the morning sky, casting my eyes at the barren landscape before me with a heavy frown.

"I need something, some way of luring him away once again. But it can't be as conspicuous as an accident as I'm sure they won't let him drive on his own until his memory is back. And I better extract my revenge before his memory comes back or it'll be me in big trouble!"

I head back to my desk and slowly sit down in the leather chair and lean back with an angry expression before I hit the desk a heated fit.

"Damn you Taylor!" I curse in contempt. "I will have you before me once again and I will destroy you. I will have my revenge. I promise you that!"

* * *

**A/N: **review please?


	8. What is the Cost of Sanity?

**Title: A Criminal Mind  
Chapter 8 - What is the Cost of Sanity?**

**A/N:** Okay so I am not a doctor or medical professional and although have been around people with brain injuries my medical knowledge is a lot of guesswork. So if you want to flame, please get a life and just enjoy some FICTION! (grin).Thanks again

* * *

"Remember Dr. Adams is a friend and only wants to help you," I tell Mac as we slowly walk into the hospital and up to the private office of Dr. Adams. Mac's eyes nervously dart around once more as he takes in another setting he should know.

"Are you sure he's a friend?" Mac asks in a hushed tone.

"Mac, Dr. Adams has known you for many years, if anyone wants to help you get better, it's him," I mention as we patiently wait inside the office. Finally Dr. Adams arrives and I notice Mac's body instantly stiffen.

"Stella, Mac," Dr. Adams greets us and extends his hand to Mac. Mac reluctantly takes it but offers a warm, firm grip and Dr. Adams smiles in return.

"Mac, I am going to first of all get a head scan taken and blood test," he tells Mac in a kind tone. "Then I'll take a few x-rays just to make sure that nothing else is out of place. Is that okay?"

"When will I get my memory back?" Mac asks in haste.

"Well hopefully the head scan well tell us a few more things. It won't hurt, I promise."

Mac offers a heavy sigh but finally nods his head in agreement and stands up to follow after Dr. Adams. He looks back at me and my nervous anxiety is high. But I offer a firm smile in return and his facial expression relaxes.

"I'll be here when you get back," I assure him and he nods his head and then disappears from view. I use this time to call Flack and get an update.

XXXXXXXX

I follow after Dr. Adams into the strange looking room and my mind now flashes images of other odd looking equipment that I should know. "I feel like I should know this," I mention as he guides me to a small table with a screen.

"Well your work as a CSI brings you into close contact with various pieces of equipment. Remember dont try to force yourself to remember; it will come back to you in time."

"But I want it now."

"Mac, it will come."

"Do you think I'll get my complete memory back?"

"Well the scan I am about to take will tell me more about that. Please remove your sweater and put on this gown. You can leave your jeans on. I am also going to take a sample of your blood," he tells me pulling out a needle. I eye the small instrument and my mind immediately flashes images of Colin I start to panic.

"I don't want any more needles," I state firmly.

He holds up the needle to my eyes and offers a kind smile. "This is empty see? Nothing is going in; I just need to take some blood out to see what kind of medication he gave you. Stella said you were given medication but didn't know the type?"

"He said one was for a memory aide and the other for a sedative," I offer with a frown; my heart rate starting to settle. But when his face offers only a frown in return my nervousness starts to grow.

"Something is wrong?" I am quick to pick up.

"Well there are certain types of medicine that help with memory loss but haven't heard of anything that is approved right now to help with memory aide; aside from certain natural remedies," he informs me.

"What?"

"Mac, let's get this done and see what we are dealing with before we jump to any kind of conclusion," he tells me as he leads me over to a large machine.

"But... "

"It's going to be okay. This is going to take a picture of your brain. So just lie down and try to relax. Think of something, or someone," he pauses with a smile. "And close your eyes and relax."

_Well the someone is a no brainer for me; Stella. Even when I was with Colin, trapped in the room like a prisoner her face kept me sane. And so when l lay down and picture her smiling face in my mind, my stay in the odd device is almost over before it begins._

Finally it's over and Dr. Adams walks up to me with a reassuring smile. "You okay?"

"Do you think me weak for being afraid?"

"Weak? Hardly Mac, you are one of the bravest, strongest men I know. You have just endured hell and are living a nightmare right now and..."

"But Stella said I was a Marine...that means I should have been able to fight back, right?"

"Mac I have heard of the terrible things that were done to men in various prisons during war and from the brief things Stella has told me you didn't fare much better. You can't fault yourself for feeling that way. Are you afraid now?"

"Not anymore."

"Mac you will be just fine. Do you feel weak any longer?"

"No, I feel better in strength."

"It's all coming back to you Mac. Now I want you to tell me exactly what he did with the medicine."

XXXXXXXX

"Stella," Sheldon greets me as he slowly walks into the room and sits down beside me.

"Everything okay?" I ask in concern.

"I just want to see if Dr. Adams needs help with the blood work," he offers. "I know this is a sensitive case and since we still dont know who is after Mac, I thought I should be the one to handle the blood that leaves this room."

"I know Mac would appreciate that as he trusts you," I reply in kind.

"How is he?"

"Angry, frustrated, confused," I huff. "The same way I'm sure we'd all be if we were trapped inside a nightmare of darkness; seeing only flashes of things we should know. I can't imagine what he's going through," I frown as I lean my head back on the wall. "I have to remind myself not to get frustrated when he can't even remember simple things but when he's mad so am I. Silly right?"

"Not when you care about someone," Sheldon offers and I meet his gaze with a smile of my own.

"Thanks for being here. What did the team find in that room? Anything?"

"You mean besides the bed that Mac must have been handcuffed to or the chair he was probably forced to sit in?" Sheldon asks and I lightly grimace. "Can't imagine that you know. You have an accident, wake up alone, injured, no idea who the hell you are or where you are, and you are kept captive in a room with no heat, no light, a locked door and no answers."

"No wonder he was so angry and mistrusting when I found him," I offer as Dr. Adams and Mac finally reemerge. I look at Mac's face and can tell that he's agitated and I can't really blame him. He looks at Sheldon and it's the same face he offered Danny and Flack; like he should know him but can't figure out from where.

"Hey Mac," Sheldon greets him warmly. "Sheldon Hawkes."

"Sheldon," Mac frowns; his voice uncertain.

"What brings you here Sheldon?" Dr. Adams greets his former co-worker and subordinate.

"Thought you could use a hand finding out what is in that blood. I figure the man who gave him drugs had access to something and it might have been hospital grade and we all know that if that was to get out in the open..."

"Hurry back as soon as you can," Dr. Adams agrees, handing him the vial. Mac watches him leave and then looks at me in expectation.

"Do we go now?" Mac finally asks Dr. Adams.

"Now we have a chat about these photos," Dr. Adams replies as he offers Mac a seat and then takes his own.

"First of all the physical diagnosis. Your ribs are healing despite the crude attempts at them being bandaged, which I will give Stella a fresh supply so that tonight you can wrap them properly. You have no other internal injuries and are very fortunate that nothing was punctured. X-rays show a shoulder strain which means it probably was dislocated. Now on to the important things. You have frontal temporal swelling which is responsible for the current loss of memory," Dr. Adams starts.

I watch Mac's fists tighten as Dr. Adams explains the injury and I know he's getting more frustrated as the minutes tick past.

"So when will I get better?"

"Brain injuries are never an exact science. Since you said he gave you the same type of food; a few times a day but at the same time would suggest to me that he ground up the medicine and put it into the drink; especially if you tried to reject them the first time as you told me. So when Sheldon comes back with the blood results we'll know what we are dealing with. The swelling just needs to go down and thankfully nothing looks damaged beyond repair. Tonight you might remember nothing and tomorrow walk into work and solve a double homicide; I can't tell for sure. But take no more medication, certainly nothing with any kind of sedation in it; that will hinder recovery."

"But I want to..." Mac starts in a huff.

"I know you do and I can't imagine what you are feeling right now. But you need to be patient and give yourself time. It shouldn't matter to Stella if you ask the same question a dozen times; when this is over you can buy her flowers for all the stress you put her through," he offers with a laugh but Mac doesnt follow suit. "Sorry that was meant to be funny."

"I want to get better now," Mac states in anger.

"Recovery won't be instantaneous, I'm sorry," Dr. Adams frowns. "But just give yourself time and to be honest a bit of a break; you have a nasty head wound that needs some time to heal itself. Trust me, you should be okay when this is all over."

"Should?"

"Well I won't lie and say that nothing bad can go wrong; as there is always that possibility with any kind of head trauma," Dr. Adams starts once more. "Would you like a few things to read on your condition?"

"No," Mac replies in haste. "I just want this damn thing to be over!" He snaps as he pushes himself up and prepares to leave. Dr. Adams holds his hand up to me and quickly stands in Mac's way.

"When you learned to walk and you fell down the first time; did you just stay in that one spot and never do it again?" He lightly questions, forcing Mac to look at him with a frown. "No, you kept trying; just as I'm sure you did when you were learning things in the Marines, the Police Academy, University and your daily routine. It will come; it just needs time. And while you might not want to hear that, accept it or even believe it right now, it will happen. Trust me Mac, just as you are an expert in your field, so am I."

I see Mac lock eyes with Dr. Adams and his posture finally eases and he slowly heads back and sits down beside me. I offer my hand for some reassurance and he takes it and holds it in his firmly; adding his warmth to my own. We both listen as Dr. Adams explains a few more things about Mac's condition; what he needs to do to help himself; things to avoid and what to expect from the days to come. By the time we are done, Sheldon heads back with a strained look on his normally calm face.

"What did you find?" Dr. Adams asks.

"Evidence of Pharmaceutical grade memory inhibitors," Sheldon frowns as he hands Dr. Adams the test results.

"What does that mean?" I ask in wonder.

"Someone deliberately gave him drugs to help hinder his memory recovery process. Must have ticked off a mean guy Mac," Dr. Adams offers with a heavy frown. "That coupled with the head injury will make the process slower than normal. However, it depends on how fast your head can actually heal itself then it's just up to the body to either absorb and dissolve or expel the rest of the chemicals still in your blood stream. I wish there was something I could give to flush it out of you, but I'm sorry I can't take the risk of mixing the wrong items and causing further damage. Time is your only friend now."

I feel Mac's hand grip mine tightly and in a few seconds I actually have to touch his arm to get him to ease off as the circulation is starting to throb. "He wanted my memory damaged on purpose?" Mac asks in wonder.

"We'll get him Mac," Sheldon states in haste. "He won't do it again."

"Right," Mac offers; another hint of uncertainty in his tone. We finish up with Dr. Adams, give a few more instructions to Sheldon to tell the team, Sinclair and Flack and then head back to the truck and for my apartment. Dr. Adams said that he should spend as much time as possible in his place and since I intend to become a permanent room mate until he's better I need a few more things then what I have on.

Mac waits silently for me in the living room and I know his mind is a mixture of rage, wonder, hatred and revenge. I would want those things if I knew the truth as he found out today, can I can't fault him for those feelings. What I can do, is ensure he doesn't act on them; certainly not alone.

"All set?" I ask with a smile as I head to the door with a small suitcase. The ride to his place is once again in silence as his brain tries to comprehend all the information that Dr. Adams fed him over the past few hours.

XXXXXXXX

"Do you know anything about the man that did this to me?" I ask in tormented wonder.

"Still working on that. He's a smart guy who hosed down every room you were in with bleach and ammonia which would wipe out any DNA that might be left behind. But we'll find him Mac, I promise you that."

"And if I can't? What if I can't get my memory back? What do I do? I can't live like this? What if I never remember anything?" I demand in anger.

"Mac, Dr. Adams said to give yourself a break," Stella replies in a kind tone and I know my anger is probably just as frustrating to her as it is to me. "You will get it all back. Do you believe that?"

I don't answer and I know she's probably mad at me for that but I have nothing in the way of a reply that will satisfy that statement. I don't want to give myself a break; I want to know who the hell I am and who the hell did this to me and where he is right now!

XXXXXXXX

~Colin Morris~

"Oh how predictable Bonasera," I chide to myself as I sit in the truck and watch her and Taylor head back into his apartment. Being a specialist in dealing with cases of memory less, Stella is doing exactly as I had predicted; which will only serve to make my plan to take Taylor once again all that much easier.

She's only going to expose him to certain people and places when she feels he's ready which will mean of course less police presence around him; and while I do see the two officers in the unmarked car sitting across the street, I assume serving as their protectors, when I take Taylor again, I won't have to worry about them.

My fists grip the steering wheel in a fit of rage as I think back on how he so smugly sat before the jury with evidence in his hands; looking at me with his trademark frown, almost daring me to defy him.

"Well I showed you once Taylor and I swear I'll do it again! You won't be with someone all the time and when her guard is down; when she's not looking, I'll be there and your life will be over for good this time!"

XXXXXXXX

We finally get back to my place and I just stand in the doorway hoping I'll remember something.

"Mac, you have no food and I am going to order in. You should have a shower and at least shave," she tells me in a soft tone; once again standing closer than she has to. The nearness of her body to mine is making my heart beat faster and my brain fuzzy.

"Okay," I reply in haste before turning and heading for my bedroom to get some night clothes. I turn back and she offers a small nod before heading into the kitchen. I hurry into the bathroom and the first thing I do is turn on the hot water to ensure that for the first time in days, I'll hopefully find some warmth on my cold, aching body. I allow the steam to fill the room as I do my shave and then finally push myself under the hot water. The warmth from the water is soothing and a few minutes later I finally feel my tension starting to ease. However, I know that Stella is waiting for me, so despite the fact that I could have stayed under the water until it ran dry, I offer a heavy sigh and finally turn it off.

Stella is going to help me with my bandages so when I finish drying off I just leave my pants on and go in search of her. She rounds the corner and I hold up the bandages and she offers me a wide grin.

"Do you know how hard it is for me to be this close to you and you not to know me; to remember what we were trying to build together?" She asks in a soft voice; gently touching my smooth skin.

"I am sorry," I huff and she looks into my eyes and offers a slight frown.

"You smell good," she mentions, leaning in and planting a soft kiss on my cheek. I don't know what compelled my next actions; but I gently wrap my arms around her and pull her close, offering her lips a firm kiss in return. I quickly pull back and she offer's me a look of surprise. However, she's not mad; in fact I think her grin has gotten bigger.

"I see you haven't forgotten everything," she smiles, as she takes the bandages and gently raises my arms. She wraps them around tightly and then puts on the clasp and lowers my arms to where they were.

"Did we have sex?" I wonder with a frown and she looks at me in surprise.

"Do you remember that?" She asks in haste.

"Should I?" I counter and she just shakes her head. "No sorry, but...I guess...never mind," I huff as I take the t-shirt from her hands and go to put it back on.

"Mac, when you are ready, for well, everything, you'll let me know," she mentions as I finished covering myself.

"Well I'd like to right now," I reply with a small smile; my face starting to warm, as well as other parts of me. "But I'm not sure if..." I start and she quickly silences me with another warm kiss.

"When you are ready," she assures me. "We'll talk more in the morning."

We head back into the bedroom and about an hour later Stella is curled up beside me, lightly snoring and I'm still awake. I gently remove myself and slowly wander back into the living room to look around some more; hoping something, anything will help me remember who I am. I start shuffling around and about an hour later I forget that I'm alone as I start to rummage through a small box. I happen upon a strange looking piece of paper and pull it out and stare at it in surprise.

'_Certificate of marriage between Mac Taylor and Claire Conrad.'_

"I am married?" I ask in wonder, not realizing that Stella is silently watching me.

"You were," she lightly corrects and I look up in haste.

"Who is Claire? Is that your real name?" I demand in anger.

"No!"

"Prove it!" I half yell and Stella quickly disappears into another room and returns with her wallet, showing me her ID.

"I'm not lying to you Mac."

"Why didn't you tell me about this? Surely this is important. Where is Claire and what else are you keeping from me?" I demand in anger.

"I wasn't keeping anything from you Mac, but if I overload your brain with everything about your past Dr. Adams said it could do more harm than good. Trust me it would have come up," she tries to explain.

"Where is she?"

"She's dead," Stella replies and I frown. "A terrorist attack took her and a few thousand others."

"Where was I?"

"You were working. She was in the Twin Towers when they were attacked on 911, you have the information in another box."

"You should have told me earlier," I state firmly.

"Sorry," she lightly huffs and I can tell that my tone is upsetting. "I'm not keeping anything from you Mac. But sometimes I don't know where to start."

"Right."

"You don't believe me?"

"I don't know what to believe," I snap, pushing myself back upright. "You say we are close friends, that you care about me, that I was married, a Marine, a CSI who is in charge of eight million people. Who the hell am I really, because that's a lot to forget?"

"Mac, the man who kidnapped you forced you memory inhibiting drugs," Stella reminds me. "And you have a large bump and gash on your head. What do you expect?"

"Fine," I huff as I put the piece of paper back in the box and slam the lid shut. I look at her in frustration and don't know why she's still in the same room after my outburst, but when she offers a kind smile, my tension starts to ease. "Sorry."

"I am not going to force you to sleep, but I'm going back to bed," she tells me in a quiet tone; one not as happy as the last time and my sorrow starts to grow.

"Okay," I offer as I can only watch her turn her back and head back into the bedroom, leaving the door open in case I want to go back and join her. But my mind is still too active and sleep is the last thing on my mind. I wait for another hour and the sun is just about to rise and I need to get some fresh air and see if I know my own neighborhood; not realizing that my kidnapper is just outside waiting for me.

I grab a black hoodie and my runners and quietly let myself outside; not taking note of the apartment number or the fact that I dont have a key with me. I slowly wander down to the outside and just stand in the entranceway and look around; hoping if I have lived her awhile that something will seem familiar.

I push myself out the front door and just stand still once again; my eyes darting nervously around for anyone that might seem to know me; including the man that had held me captive just a few days earlier.

XXXXXXXX

~Colin Morris~

Is my mind playing tricks on me, or is that Taylor himself, out and alone? I stare at his face when he finally turns in my direction and sure enough it is. One of two things has either happened, he's remembered everything which will be bad for me or he's just gotten so frustrated with Bonasera trying to tell him things that he needs to figure it out on his own. If the latter is true, this is another gift from above.

I check my disguise in the mirror and slowly get out of the car, pausing to get the paper to make it seem like I am just doing normal things, not wanting to attract too much attention from the officers who are still a few cars down on the opposite side of the street.

I pay for the paper and then slowly start to make my move toward my target; my mind racing with evil intent.

XXXXXXXX

I finally pull myself from sleep; Mac's tormented face when he asked about Claire still haunting my dreams. I don't hear a noise and breathe a sigh of relief that he's asleep. I push the bedroom door open and go in search just to make sure he's okay. But as I pass by the empty bathroom and round the corner to the living room I stop in horror as I gaze upon the empty space before me.

"Mac?" I ask in a panic as I rush back to the bathroom to make sure he's not there. "Damn it!" I curse as I finally see his runners missing and the front door slightly open. I race for the front door, key in hand, shoes on feet, cell in other hand and head out in a heated panic; my mind now offering me a laughing taunt at the man who has taken Mac away from me once again.

I reach the front entrance and stop and look around. I see the two officers across the street but since they seem occupied with something else I even wonder if they are here for Mac or are on another assignment. "Damn it!" I curse again as I look to the left but see nothing.

I look to the right and finally think I see him about a block away. "Oh Mac, you'll so pay for putting me through this," I warn with a huff as I hurry after him.

XXXXXXXX

~Colin Morris~

The fact that Taylor is almost in my grasp is almost too much to handle. I finally reach him and he turns to look at me with a confused expression; the heavy disguise I am wearing is hindering him from remembering me further; eye color, hair color, weeks worth of facial hair, skin scar and accent.

"You seem lost sir," I state with a slight fake accent. His eyes once again search me for some familiarity but once again finding none. So his memory is still damaged, I gloat inside my mind, wonderful. "Can I offer you a lift someplace?"

"Do you know me?"

"I have seen you around this area. I live just up the street," I lie.

"So do I," he mentions. "What is your name?"

"Bruce," I reply in untruth with a false smile.

"I would like to go to my place of work," he replies with a heavy sigh. "Do you know where that is?"

"As a matter of fact I do. Police officer right? You told me one time in the diner by your home," I easily mislead him.

"Where is your car?"

"Just up..." I turn only to see Bonasera bearing down on us. I offer an angry curse inside my head. Obviously I need to make sure her attention is elsewhere before my plan comes to fruition.

XXXXXXXX

"Mac?" I ask him in haste, looking at the man he's talking to. I don't recognize him and since Mac doesn't seem concerned by him I figure it's just another man he's stopped to ask a question of, not realizing the man I am looking for, the man who did serious damage to Mac is the man right in front of us.

"I think he's lost," the man tells me with a slight frown; his disguise even including a top facial scar.

"Thanks. I got it from here," I tell him as I look at Mac with a sign but offer the man a smile before I take Mac by the hand and go to turn us around. "Mac I have to leave what am I to do with you when I go..."

"Stella," he starts in a huff.

"Mac, you are going to be the death of me," I sigh as we head away from the strange man who is still watching us; with my back turned I can't see that his gaze however is fixed only on the man right beside me; a man I'm trying to help.

"Stella, I just want to go to work," he insists.

"At five AM? That's early even for you," I reply in haste. "And if you pull a stunt like this again, I will handcuff you to the bed," I tell him as we head back into his apartment building.

"But I'm ready to..." he tries to protest as we get into the elevator. I look at him in concern and his face is flushed and his forehead warm. "I need answers!"

"We are going in circles," she throws back at me as we head back into my apartment. But I don't make a move to remove my hoodie or runners and she looks at me with crossed arms. "Mac, seriously don't make me take drastic measures."

"Stella..."

"Do you trust me?" I ask him directly. I watch his eyes searching mine and he hesitates for a moment. "Do you want to have someone else here other than me?" I ask in dread.

"No, I just want this to be over," he resigns as he finally pulls off his hoodie and then comes and stands before me. "I am tired of this," he tells me in a sad tone as he pulls me into his strong embrace and holds me close.

"Mac, Dr. Adams said your wound didn't look like it had any damage so that means your recovery could be faster. So you need go give yourself a break," I mention as I give him a squeeze and then take his hand and lead him back to the bedroom. "Now you need to sleep and that's final," I tell him and he finally offers me the smile I love to see from him.

"No handcuffs right?" He asks with hesitation as he slowly pushes himself back under the covers.

"You really are pushing it," I reply with a smile as I sit down and kiss his cheek, gently pushing him back against the pillow. I push some sweaty hair off his forehead and look at his face. "You need to rest and get better, okay?" I lightly whisper as I glance at his black eye that thankfully is healing. I lean in and kiss his lips and then pull back.

"I will," he lightly frowns. "Will you be here when I get up?"

"I will."

"I like kissing you."

"Well we'll see how today goes and then tonight..."

I finally leave Mac to get some sleep and close the door half way before I head back into the living room and reach for my phone to text Flack and get any update I can. About an hour later, I get a reply back and I need to go down stairs and head over to the wall to get my purse. But I hear a noise and when I look up I see Mac once again heading for the door.

"Are you serious?" I ask in frustration as he looks up at me in surprise.

"I was just..." he tries in a light stammer. "I thought you left."

"So you don't trust me?" I ask with a frown as I block his path.

"I want to go to work," he huffs as he tries to go around. "I keep seeing flashes and want more things to help make sense."

"Mac, I need you to be safe and I'll be right back. And when I get back, we'll take you to work and then you can choose who you want to spend the rest of the day with, since it's obvious you are tired of my company."

"I want..." he starts and then offers an angry curse. "What?"

"If you are so intent on pushing me away, I am going to take the hint as I want to help you. And because I care I'm going to let myself be pushed away and allow someone else do this job," I try to explain; but inside I really have no intent of just letting him fend for himself or being out of my sights for too long. Besides, I'm sure inside when he's around all those strange people at work he'll be at my side before I can blink my eyes.

"Stella..." he tries again.

"Mac, I'll be right back okay? Just about ten minutes to talk to Flack. But in the meantime I just want you to go into the bedroom and rest, close the door if you feel safer. Please?"

"Stella..."

"Mac you are at least safe here...for me?"

"Okay for you."

XXXXXXXX

~Colin Morris~

I am about to curse Bonasera's name one more time until I her say she has to go. Hmm will Taylor be alone then? This might be a grand opportunity for me to pay him a visit. I see her exit Taylor's building alone and walk up to who I assume is Detective Don Flack. I watch as he motions for her to get into the car and then the car start up and I need to make my move and the time is now. I know my time is limited but with Taylor by himself I can't pass up this opportunity. Without waiting to see where Bonasera goes, I drive the truck to the back and then head toward the back exit door. I take the small needle that is filled with the fast acting sedative and head for the stairwell; my plan to take him out the back. What I don't know is that his partner is already starting to make her way back.

_Soon Taylor, soon you will be mine once again._

XXXXXXXX

I offer a heavy sigh as I finally march over to the bed and slump myself down on top of it. I know she only wants to help but I feel like things are just going too slowly and I want some answers now.

"I don't want her to go," I offer in sorrow, my brain finally registering what she told me; that's she's going to let someone else help me. "After all she did for me can I turn away now?"

I lean my weary head back against the pillow and offer a heavy sigh until I hear the door slowly start to open and for some reason my heart starts to beat a bit faster. I don't really want to have anyone else help me but her and I need to make that clear; I guess trying to do things on my own right now just isn't going to work. I need her and I need her help. She was the face in the darkness and I can't turn my back on her now; she is the only one I need at my side to get through this.

"Stella?"

I hear the lock being opened and the door slowly opening. However, as I raise my nervous gaze up to the door opening my world stops short.

"Hello _John_," my former captor states with an evil grin.


	9. Trust is a Vaulable Commodity

**Title: A Criminal Mind  
Chapter 9 - Trust is a Valuable Commodity**

* * *

"Damn it!" I curse angrily as I try to push myself upright as Colin rushes toward me with a needle in his hand and my adrenaline starts to surge. Flashes of being kept prisoner by him start to seize me and I know I'm not going anywhere without a fight.

"Told you I'd always be able to find you!" Colin offers in haste as he lunges at me with the needle ready. However, I manage to twist myself around and the tip of the needle breaks in the bed covers. I roll off the bed and land on the floor as Colin grabs a handful of t-shirt and yanks me back. I lose my footing and fall backward but land on the bed instead of the floor.

"John you are coming with me!" Colin growls.

"Never..." I huff as I pull myself free. I start for the door just as Colin charges at me, taking us both to the floor in a tangle of arms and legs. He punches me in the side but I counter and kick him right back.

"Ah got some fight back did you?" Colin states in anger. "Pity for you."

"Go to...hell!" I huff in anger as I pull myself out of his grasp and try to get back up. Colin grabs my pant leg and pulls back, forcing me to fall backward and slam into the bedroom door before crashing to the floor.

"Fine we'll do this the hard way!" Colin snaps as he pulls his gun and aims it at me. He cocks the trigger but I kick at him once more and he staggers backward. I don't care if I'm shot, I am not going with him. I push myself back up and lunge at him, taking us back into the wall. He hits my side again and I cry out in pain as his fist hits my tender ribs.

Colin tries to his my head but I quickly pull back and he hits the wall, cursing angrily and glaring at me in hatred.

"You will pay for what you did to me!"

"What did I do?" I demand, my face flushed and my heart racing. "Who the hell are you?"

Colin cocks the trigger again but just as he's about to take a shot we finally hear the elevator being called to the main floor; Stella is coming back.

"Damn that woman!" Colin curses.

"She's going to kick your ass!"

"I will be back for you!" Colin growls as he hits me hard in the jaw.

"Like...hell..." I reply as I drop my shoulder and slam myself into him and he stumbles backward. He quickly counters and hits me hard in the stomach once more, forcing me to offer a painful gasp and falter. Another painful blow to my tender mid-section and I'm on my knees.

"Ste--lla!" I call out as the elevator doors open.

"I found you once and I'll be back. You'll never be safe!" He shouts as he pushes me to the floor and turns to leave, my heart racing and my breathing labored.

"Did she do this to me on purpose?" I spit in anger as I offer a wince of pain from the hits to my tender stomach.

XXXXXXXX

"STELLA!" I hear my voice being called by Mac as I emerge from the elevator. I see a man rushing toward the stairs and I go into full blown panic mode as I spy my open apartment door. The man turns and looks at me and I realize he's the same man that was talking to Mac earlier this morning.

"Stop!" I yell at Colin as I race after him. "Mac, stay there!"

Colin pushes the emergency door open just as I reach him and grab his jacket. He swings around and offers a hit to my stomach and I fall back. I push myself back up and race down the stairs, calling Flack along the way. Since Flack just left he's able to easily swing his cruiser back around, checking the front before heading toward the back. But as soon as I reach the alleyway, Mac's attacker is gone and I'm alone. I curse myself in anger as I remembered Mac's attacker had a gun.

"Flack check the street, I'm going to see how Mac is."

I race back upstairs and rush into my apartment and see Mac doubled over in the doorway to the bedroom; his face flushed as he looks up at me in heated anger.

"He was just here!" He practically shouts; his voice hoarse and I'm sure his heart racing.

"Mac I..."

"Damn that bastard!" He curses as I head back to the front door to lock it; Flack calling me.

"Anything?"

"Sorry Stella, nothing. He's gone. Sorry."

"Don, for him to take a chance like that and come for Mac means he's desperate and will now do anything to take his revenge. He was obviously watching and then thought I was going to leave with you and decided to make his move. Damn it! I nearly offered Mac to him willingly. The two officers outside where they here to watch Mac?"

"No, it was just an odd coincidence. Is Mac okay?"

"Besides being pissed?" I huff with an ethnic curse and Flack smirks.

"Typical Mac," Flack huffs.

"Yeah great."

"I'll get a man on him right now," Flack tells me as he hangs up. I feel my heart starting to beat faster as I close the front door and lock it and then slowly head into the bedroom; pausing against the frame and looking at him in anguish.

"Mac, I'm sorry."

"Like hell!" He shouts; standing up but not making a move toward me, eyeing my gun. "At least if you were going to just offer me to that bastard you could have told me; given me a better fighting chance."

"Did he hurt you?"

"YES!"

"Mac..."

"Why don't you just shoot me now and leave me for him!" He demands and I quickly put my gun away, not even realizing it was pointed at him.

"Oh sorry! First of all I am not going to ever shoot you! And secondly, I didn't know he was this close. I'm sorry. Trust me; I wouldn't have left you alone if I had known I'd be taking a chance with your life."

"I'm sick of a babysitter! Now I am going to go!" He snaps in anger.

"Did he hurt you?"

"Yes. Do you care?"

"Mac, of course I care."

"And did you know he was outside?"

"Goodness no," I offer in haste. "Mac..."

"I don't need your help!"

"Did he touch you?"

"He had gloves! Now get out of my way and let me leave this place. I'll find my own damn answers!"

"Mac you are not going anywhere alone. Not with him this close."

"Hell of a lot of good being safe in my own home did me!"

"Can you please stop yelling?"

"Stella..."

"If you calm down we'll do this together," I offer and he just turns away in a heated fit. "Okay then," I tell him as I start to inspect the area around the bed; having checked the entranceway already for anything out of place. I find a few hairs and then look back up at Mac.

"He was wearing a damn wig!"

"Ready to calm down?"

"No," he huffs. "I'm still mad!"

"Fine," I shrug as I turn to leave.

"STELLA!" He shouts and I quickly turn back.

"Can you just sit down and listen to me?" I ask and he finally does. "Now why on earth are you shouting? I'm not going to hurt you but I'm not going to just let you go so you can storm out of here in a heated fit and walk right into his trap! That's what he wants and I'm not going to give it to him!" I tell him firmly as I walk closer to the bed. "Now I know you probably don't believe me right now, but I do care about you, more than I can probably admit and while it's hard to see you like this, it's harder still to know that he's this close to taking you away from me again and I won't let that happen. So if you have to stay in this room all day to ensure I know where you are, then so be it. But since I don't want you to suffer, I'll make you a deal," I tell him and his eyes look at mine with frustration in them.

"I want answers!"

"I know you do. I do too. Mac I can't imagine your frustration but believe me I know it must be killing you. But we will get through this."

I look at him with a frown but really can't berate him for being this worked up and agitated, nor can I fault him for being mad at me and himself.

"You lay there and rest, and I mean actually sleep for an hour or so and when you wake up and if you feel up to it, we'll go to the lab and then go from there. But no more yelling or cursing," I tell him firmly.

"But..."

"Please Mac, I just want to help you," I tell him with watery eyes. "But you look like hell right now and I can tell you're in pain."

"Fine," he offers in remorse.

"Do we have a deal?"

He looks at me and ponders my question before finally nodding his head yes and offering a heavy sigh as he eases himself back on the bed, looking up at me with a frown. I gently push him back onto the pillow and pull a cover over him. He turns onto his side, his back to me, showing his angry defiance and I offer a heavy sigh as I turn him back.

"I did fight back. I wasn't going willingly with him this time not matter what."

"Mac you are a strong man, I told you you'd be able to fight back on your own. But I'm sorry that he hurt you."

"Did he hurt you?" Mac asks me in misery, finally turning back to me with torment in his blue eyes.

"Much like yourself I take a lickin' and keep on tickin'," I reply and he finally rewards me with a soft smile. I gently touch his face and he holds my hand captive against his face.

"Mac, I can't lose you again," I whisper in sorry.

"Stella, I'm sorry."

"Mac, do you want my help?"

"Yes, only you. Please don't leave me to face this alone."

"I wasn't going to."

"But..."

"Mac, I gave you the choice so you could feel in control, but if you had said yes, I wouldn't have been very far."

"Thank you."

"Please just rest now."

I finally leave him to rest and head into the living room and call Danny.

"Well I found some dark hairs but Mac said he was wearing a wig. But if he was here he might have dropped a hair or something and while there is not a lot of traffic in this area I need it worked on. Maybe we'll catch a break."

"I'm on it," Danny tells me as I hang up.

About half hour of my useless pacing I slowly head back to the bedroom and expect to find Mac awake; but I am rewarded with him finally asleep, his dark lashes framing his tired eyes and I offer a smile. I very quietly make my way into the bedroom and sit down beside him, tenderly stroking his face. His body slightly tenses as he curls onto his side once more, but thankfully he doesn't wake up. I very carefully push myself into bed with him and allow his arms to instinctively wrap around me, holding me close, his warm breath ticking my ear.

Oh Mac, I'm so sorry, I lament inside as he angrily mumbles in his sleep. I stare at the space before me with tired watery eyes as his arms tighten around me; once again afraid to let go as he'll be taken someplace he hates more than anything, a dark, cold prison with no memory of who he is or why he's being treated the way he is.

Finally after trying to fight sleep for about ten minutes, I allow my eyes to close and am taken into the dark realm of tormented dreams and twisted nightmares.

XXXXXXXX

~Colin Morris~

I tear off my latest disguise in anger; anger mostly at myself for messing up as I did.

That woman is really starting to get on my nerves. In truth, it was an impulse act to take Taylor like that; my revenge taking over my usually rash intellect and offering me a short term solution. I didn't expect anything other than to scare him and I'm hoping that succeeded; hopefully causing tension, strife and mistrust between him and Bonasera. If that worked then I'm a happy man.

I slowly drive my truck back into the busy traffic, away from Taylor's residence but not too far as I'll be back to see what he has planned for the day. I need the cover of darkness as that is where evil best conducts its business. And as I slowly loop back for my target's abode, I allow my mind to dwell on my next plan of attack.

XXXXXXXX

I slowly pull myself from sleep to see that my arms are wrapped around Stella's soft body and I offer a frown as I gaze upon her beautiful face. Despite the fact that I yelled at her and basically lost her trust, she's still here with me, not afraid to get close and that makes me happy and sad at the same time. I don't deserve her help and yet at the same time I know I would be lost without it. What is she not telling me about our relationship? Is there something more to it than just caring for her? Do I love her? Why wouldnt she tell me that? And why dont I remember being married?

I watch her face crunch into a frown and her perfect lips offer something in anger and I curse myself for being the cause of her anxiety. I gently roll onto my back and she moves herself with me, her head resting on my good shoulder and her arm draped over my stomach, her hair ticking my neck and arm. I can't help but offer a small smile as her body just feels so good pressed up against mine. She didn't admit that we had sex and I can't help but wonder if we did; since holding her just feels right and she isn't afraid to sleep next to me without asking.

My eyes once again look around my room and finally fix themselves on the closet and for a brief moment I see myself getting dressed in a suit. I offer a frown but once again my quiet audience is quick to pick up even the smallest facial expression.

"Did you remember something?"

"Do I normally wear a suit to work?" I lightly ask, looking down at her with a frown.

"Almost every day, minus the tie," she smiles and I feel myself at ease for the first time in hours.

"I'm sorry I yelled earlier," I admit to her and she moves herself so she's propped up on a pillow looking at me, playing with the side of my face, ticking my sensitive skin with her fingernail. I feel small shivers sent down my spine but can't bring myself to ask her to stop.

"After having him in here and me leaving you at his mercy; trust me if you had done that to me I would have thrown you out the window," she replies and I offer a small smile. "Did he hurt you?"

"Just surprised to see him standing there instead of you," I huff. "Panic seized me but I was able to rebound and get some hits in and he didn't hit my head. I'm sure if he didn't have a gun I would have taken him."

"I know you would have."

"Am I a good fighter?" I ask in wonder. "I mean when I was a Marine I'm sure I was but now as a CSI...before I lost my memory, can I still fight well?"

"Mac, you could probably kill a man with your bare hands," she tells me and I seem to gain strength from those few words. She gently lifts my sweater and looks the hit marks to my tender ribs before looking up at me in sorrow.

"It's okay," I tell her in haste. She gently touches my face and offers a slight frown as I find myself drowning in the two green pools before me. I hold Stella in my arms while she makes small talk about what I can expect when we go into the lab and by the time she's finished, my anger has all but subsided.

However as we head toward the lab my anxiety is high once again and my fists haven't unwrapped themselves as I sit nervously in the front seat of the truck. My eyes dart around; once again trying to see if anything is familiar. We reach the lab and enter the parking lot and I'm almost afraid to get out. However, I'll never mention that to the woman beside me so I just force myself outside and swallow my frustration. Stella nods hello to a few people but thankfully for me doesnt stop to talk to everyone; she had already assured me that everyone was only told I was in a bad car accident the night of the storm, which is why I look the way I do and only the core team knows the truth about my memory. Now if only I could remember who my core team is.

"I am in charge of all of this?"

We take a few more steps and then I pause as we finally reach my office. I look at Stella and she just smiles. "That's right, it's all yours. Well all ours, while you do hold the title of Boss, we both co-lead. So I report to you but others report to us."

"Pardon?" I question and she lightly laughs.

I head inside and just stand looking at all the vast amount of items before my eyes. If I thought my brain hurt trying to take in all the items at home; this place seems far worse and I almost feel intimidated.

"Take your time Mac," Stella tells me as Adam walks up to us. I turn around and offer a smile to the young man before me.

"Adam," he tells me before I can ask and I feel my tension starting to slightly abate. "Big Mac, I'm your Lab Tech and computer expert."

"Thank you for helping me," I offer in a hushed tone.

"You are most welcome! This is for you," Adam informs me; handing me a new black berry. "So when you can't find your way you just press this button," he instructs and Stella's name pops up and her phone starts to ring.

"My lifeline," I whisper as I look up at her Stella with a smile.

"In more ways than one," Adam offers before he quietly takes his leave.

"For some reason when I see his face all I can picture is a cartoon like character," I frown. "Does that mean anything?"

"Well you two did work very closely on a virtual reality case. A real first for you," she replies. "See, it'll come back Mac. Everything will be fine. So I'm just going to do a few things," she says sitting down at my desk. "And you just take your time looking at everything, and dont feel like a burden if you ask a million questions."

"Okay," I agree in a hushed tone. My eyes shift around from the people in the hallway doing their normal routine to Stella at my desk offering glances every few minutes; to asking questions about everything that is covering my walls and desk.

XXXXXXXX

I don't envy Mac the task of trying to remember the complex person he is and I know the more things he tries to remember and can't, he'll end up getting more frustrated and as I suspect an hour into his investigation he finally heads over to the small leather couch against the cool glass and slumps down in a huff.

He looks up at me with a heavy frown before his eyes shift to the table before him and then back up at me. And from the expression on his face I know he's remembered something yet again and I offer a weak smile. "What did you remember?"

"Something about foreign coffee and this couch," he starts with a nervous tone and I know the exact incident he's referring to.

"When we came back from Greece we shared a special moment on that couch."

"We had sex here?" He asks in surprise and I lightly laugh.

"Nice try," I reply. "We shared Greek coffee and I read you the grounds and it was in that moment or around that time that we finally started to express our true feelings for each other."

"But I have known you for ten years. Why didn't I ever tell you before? Was I married during that time entire time? Didn't I always care for you?"

I look at him and offer a slight frown and a soft sigh. It's too long an explanation that I know will just confuse him all the more so I take the easy way out. "Better late than never right?"

"Save it for when my memory comes back?" He asks in wonder and I just nod my head as Flack walks into the room and sits down beside Mac. I notice Mac's body tense but once Flack starts talking to both of us; including Mac, in the case discussion like he always did, I finally see Mac's body un-tense and his face relax and I know he's progressing better than he probably expects.

"So you know nothing?" Mac asks in frustration.

"This guy is very methodical and knows how we work," Flack offers with a heavy frown, his eyes watching Mac's facial expression with interest. "Do you remember me at all?"

"I remembered your name and something about you almost dying?" He asks in wonder, his eyes locks with Flack's. "I see images of debris, smoke and you covered with blood."

"You did save my life. It was a case where a mad bomber was targeting you and I got in the way," Flack replies with a smile. "Want to go for a walk on the wild side? Maybe take a look at some pictures and see if we can't find the guy you're after?"

Mac looks at me and I just offer a smile of reassurance and he agrees and takes his leave with Flack.

"How is he?" Sheldon asks as he walks into Mac's office and sits down before me.

"Getting more and more frustrated but it's funny because he won't admit it, which is totally like him. But he seems to start remembering things so as much as he might not want to admit it, I know he's getting better. Anything new from Dr. Adams?"

"Just that the longer Mac is away from harm and medication the better his chances for recovery. Dr. Adams said that he should just get them all back and then look out," Sheldon recounts with a smile. "Since he has no neurological distress, I'd venture that it'll be sooner rather than later. In fact, if it was anyone other than Mac, I might even guess they'd play us for a bit."

"Thankfully Mac can't pull that off for very long without his true colors showing through," I tell Sheldon as Danny finally emerges.

"I think I found something at Mac's," he informs us and Sheldon and I hurry after Danny, thinking that Mac is going to be with Flack for some time.

XXXXXXXX

My eyes take in everything that I pass as I follow Detective Flack into the police side of the building. I just offer smiles and nod hello's to those that seem to know me but my mind only flashes certain things that seem important. When I pass by the interrogation room I see myself in a heated fit over something, attacking someone and Flack tells me it could be a hundred different cases as I don't take lies or half truth from anyone that I am seeking justice against. All in all I seem a very harsh man and I am not sure I want to remember that kind of person. However, I seem respected and liked at the same time and I take some small comfort in that.

I hold onto the phone in my hand but doubt I'll need to use it for the rest of the day. I look at the phone and see that Adam has programmed a few key addresses inside, one of them being my own.

Flack is suddenly called to attend to a new case and I tell him that I'll be okay heading back to find Stella where I left her in "my" office. He hesitates at first and then when the woman calling him seems desperate enough, finally agrees to let me go on my own and so I take my leave. However, when I finally make it back I see that Stella is gone and no one seems to know where she is.

Maybe she went home. I wander back into my office and stare at some of the Marine memorabilia on the wall and my mind flashes an image of me being struck with something and I can only assume its how I got the scar on my chest. When Stella doesn't return I decide to venture out once more to see what else my memory can be jogged with. When I close my eyes I see blurry images of things I should know and I take comfort in the fact that my brain is trying to heal and get me back to where I belong.

I get into the elevator and head outside once again. The noise seems to almost want to shatter my sensitive ear drums but after a few minutes of deep breathing I am once again able to focus on my task at hand; seeing if I know the area where I work. I spy a coffee shop nearby and make my way toward it.

"Morning Detective Taylor," a young man greets me and I offer a smile. "Dressing down today?" He smiles and I just agree. "So the usual?"

"Sure," I reply in haste as I look at the establishment before me. My mind shows a picture of Stella and I at a small table and I figure we must come here quite often for me to be a regular patron and my mind to want to remember it.

I pull out the phone and call Stella, not realizing her phone is on my office desk and she's in the lab. "Stella, it's Mac, I think I'm going home. See you there."

XXXXXXXX

~Colin Morris~

Watching Taylor wander aimlessly around is almost too much delight to my tired brain but I grow weary of this useless chase and so need to get him away from familiar people sooner rather than later. I'm sure going into his place of work today has started to jog a few memories and knowing that he wasn't exposed as long to the mind altering medication as I would have wanted means his mind is already on the road to recovery and that worries me.

If his mind does return then I'll have to find another way to take my plan of revenge to the next level and I don't want to go there. So far I haven't heard an APB put out for me so that means that thankfully no one has shown him a picture of me. I'm sure he's described me to them but if I'm not in the system then I'm okay for a bit longer.

When I went into Bonasera's home this morning I was in disguise but she's seen that one and I'm sure he's told her it was a wig I was wearing so I'll have to be careful. I quickly pull on my next clever disguise and prepare to take my leave. However, just as I am about to get out I watch Taylor get into a cab and offer a curse.

"Now where the hell is he going?" I ask in anger as I push my truck into traffic after him. As much as I am annoyed at this chase this might work out to my benefit as he's now leaving someplace safe and venturing out alone. And if I didn't know any better, I might assume his memory has returned and it's me that will be in for a surprise instead of the other way round.

XXXXXXXX

"So when Mac gets back from looking at those pictures..." I start as I head into Mac's office and notice he's still not back yet. "Probably still with Flack," I tell Lindsay.

"So how are you?" She asks me in concern as we sit down on the leather couch opposite Mac's desk.

"Worried he'll never get his memory back," I offer in concern; my face nervous and tense. I look at the younger woman before me and finally offer a kind smile as her face reflects my anxiety. "Mac is strong and in good health and Dr. Adams said his CAT scan showed no permanent damage so it's just a matter of time. But he's frustrated and I know I'm feeding off that at times so it's strained. And then after this morning..."

"I couldn't imagine," she tells me in wonder, her eyes drifting away from me and resting on Mac's empty chair. "Can't really imagine this place without him either."

"That makes two of us. When I thought he was gone I had this large hole in my heart and I wondered what life without him would be like; but now to have him back and having to redo, well, everything all over again is almost just as painful," I reflect; looking back at her with sad smile. "That was really sad wasn't it?"

"Stella, you care for Mac, dare I say love him?" She questions.

"Lindsay..." I start, my heart beating faster at my unuttered response.

"Stella, you don't have to answer to me," she replies in haste, a smile on her face to put me at ease. "I was just making an observation."

"Good observation."

"So when Mac returns let me know and we'll get him to take a look at the person we found in the system."

"Sounds like a plan," I agree and watch her leave. I sit where I am, looking at Mac's chair; picturing him looking back at me with his trademark smile and I feel myself taking a few moments of ease. I finally push myself back up and head for my office to get some work done, thinking that Flack will return shortly with Mac at his side.

XXXXXXXX

On the cab ride back home my mind is now flashing other images and after awhile I actually have to close my eyes to stop the throbbing in my head.

"Sir?" The cabbie asks, pulling me from my mental battle. "We're here."

"Thanks," I mumble as I pull out some money that I had found at home and pay him whatever he's asking and then get out in front of my building. However, as I head for the front door I offer a curse as I realize that I have no key and Stella has the only copy. I look at the occupant list and frown at my own name before turning around with the thought to head back to the lab and wait for Stella.

I am about to hail another cab when I feel a strong arm take mine and swing me around to face whoever is trying to get my attention. My world stops short as I look into the face of the man that has made my life a living hell.

"_Hello John_," he greets me with a smug tone. "Pull away and I'll shoot you right here," he offers, his free hand pulling his jacket open to reveal a hidden gun and then closing it from passersby.

"Shoot me," I dare. "I'm not going with you and my name isn't John."

"Already buying their lies are you?"

"You are the one who is lying," I state crossly; trying to yank my free. "I saw things and am starting to remember. So your game is up! What the hell do you want from me anyways?"

"I want to take your life as you took mine," he informs me.

"Took your life? You're still alive!"

"John..."

"My name is Mac Taylor and you can go to hell."

"You come with me now or I'll kill Stella to spite you!" He hisses in anger.

I might not completely remember what kind of woman Stella is, but I know she'd never take a backseat to his guy and I doubt I would bow to his petty threats. So without offering another word, I stomp on his foot which allows his grasp to loosen, push him backward and take off in the opposite direction; nervous adrenaline feeding my weary body with all it can offer.

I am not familiar with this area right now, but I waste no time in rushing for a narrow alley and racing down it; my captor's angry voice only a few seconds behind. I reach the end and turn to the left and keep going, heading further away from the safety of my home; entering an area where danger awaits.

XXXXXXXX

I finish up my file and then look at the time; Mac should be back by now. Instead of seeming like an overprotective parent, I'll use the excuse that I need to talk to Flack about something instead of seeing how Mac is faring.

But just as I am about to head into the other building, Flack calls my name and I turn around in haste.

"How did Mac do?" I ask in wonder.

"Never got a chance to look at the books," Flack tells me as Jessica finally joins us, handing Flack a file and then turning to leave. "What did he do when he came back here?"

"Mac never came back here," I mention in dread and Jessica looks back in concern. "Did you see him?" I ask her and she nods her head no. I rush into my office and call Mac's cell phone but it only rings.

"Damn it! No one was supposed to let him out of their sight."

"Sorry Stella, he said he was going back to your office...and we can't treat him like a child..." he voice trails off as I see a message waiting for me and go to listen to it.

"I know."

_"Stella, it's Mac, I think I'm going home. See you there."_

"So he went home," Flack mumbles.

"Adam programmed all his personal information into his new phone," I inform them as I dial Mac again and then his home number. "But he has no key."

"And if his kidnapper already tried once this morning..." Jessica's voice trails off.

"He might try again," I state in a panic as the three of us rush to find Adam. I try Mac's number again and it finally answers.

"Mac?" I ask, pressing the speaker button so the other two can hear.

"_Stella...help me_..." he gasps, almost out of breath and my heart is now racing.

"Where are you?"

"_I don't know_..."

"JOHN!" We hear an angry male voice yelling in the background.

"Mac! Is that..."

"_Yes...Stella...it's Colin...hurry_!" He shouts as the line goes dead again.

"It's him...Mac's in trouble."

"I'll drive," Flack offers as the three of us race for the stairs.

"Adam," I call on the way. "Track Mac's cell number and tell me where he is. If it's moving, keep track and tell me where he stops.

"Is he okay?"

"No...he's not."

XXXXXXXX

"JOHN!" I hear him shout at me again as I race further into another strange alleyway, various sets of wondering eyes watching me with intent.

I turn to my left and reach a dead end.

"Got you now," he smiles as he stops and pulls his gun. "Walk to me."

However, my mind only offers tormented images of my capture by him before and I find myself instead of complying with him; charging him head on. I guess he thinks I'm going to stop as he doesn't fire and my body slams into his taking us both to the ground. I offer a hard punch to the side of his face and his head snaps to one side. I push myself to my feet, but he grabs the leg of my jeans, offers a yank and I find myself falling to my knees on the harsh cement; the phone falling from my hands to the ground out of reach. He pounces on my back, slamming me to the ground on my stomach as he tries to trap my wrists behind my back.

"Time to come with me John."

"Like...hell."

But I won't allow myself to be taken again by him and offer a hard elbow to his face and he yells out in pain. This loosens his grasp and I twist around and hit him again in the face, once more in the side and his body is finally free of mine. I again push myself to my knees, kick him in the side and then turn to take my leave. I have lost my phone but dont want to take a chance and go back and he does pull the gun and I'm taken once again. So I push myself back down the hallway and race into the late afternoon. But since I am not familiar with the area, I have forgotten where home is and realize that I am now lost and at the mercy of a not only a man who knows me and wants revenge, but a city unwilling to help a man in need.

_Stella, were are you? I need your help!_

I run until I can't run anymore and finally when I don't hear him yelling, I lean against a cold brick building, trying to catch my breath and calm my racing heart and pounding head. However, just as I am about to start out in the open again, a hand touches my shoulder and I offer a cry of surprise.

XXXXXXXX

"Stella, it's stopped about eight blocks from his apartment," Adam tells me giving me the address we think Mac is stopped.

"Maybe he's hiding there," Jessica offers.

"Yeah and if we phone we give him away. But if he's injured we waste time," I state in anger. "When I get my hands on this bastard, I think I'm going to kill him."

"And people call me rash?" Flack quips and Jessica just rolls her eyes.

The ride to the spot we think Mac is, is pure torment for my emotional wellbeing and I think that when Mac does get his memory back, I'll put in for a week holiday where I do nothing but try to get my heart rate back to normal; with Mac at my side of course. I love Mac, I do; and having him go through this is pure hell on both of us. My mind plays over and over again the panic in his voice and part of me wonders if we'll find him alive; or worse another injury to delay the healing process.

We finally reach the spot we think Mac is and I quickly get out. The three of us take different areas, searching for anywhere that Mac could be hidden. I am about to check another area when my eyes rest on something and my world stops. I quickly pick up his phone and catch my breath before calling his name; rushing up to Flack with the item in my hand.

"Oh no..."

"Were we too late?"

* * *

**A/N:** thanks for the reviews so far. Lots more to come with this adventure! Please review and let me know what you think. Whoever touched his shoulder might not be who you think! Also If you haven't already please check out my new SMACKED story "Time's Up"! Thanks in advance


	10. Discoveries of a Sinister Kind

**Title: A Criminal Mind  
Chapter 10 - Discoveries of a Sinister Kind**

* * *

I look at the street person who touched my arm and offer a quick gasp and he pulls back. My fist automatically tightens but when I see he's not out to do me harm, I quickly pull back and my arm lowers.

"Spare change?" He asks through a toothless grin.

"Here," I offer whatever I have in my pocket before dashing back down another alleyway, my captor's voice still calling me in the distance; angry curses always reminding me that danger is still very close at hand. I run until I can't run any more; the pain from his hits to my ribs is starting to take it's toll but I am thankful that he didn't damage the injury to my head as my brain is in pain enough as it is. I duck inside a small grocery store, close and lock the back door and crouch down, pulling my knees to my chest and trying to get my breathing back to normal, my head to stop pounding and my heart rate to slow to a normal level before I pass out.

The warmth from the small store is actually making me stop trembling and I'm hoping I won't be discovered too soon and sent back into the cold street to fend for myself, unarmed. My whole body aches but my brain races with terrible images of me as a prisoner and I know I'd rather die than experience that again.

_Stella, where are you?_

I hear some shuffling and look up with nervous expectation.

"Mac?" A voice asks.

XXXXXXXX

"Flack, where is he?" I demand, but not really expecting an answer.

"He can't have gone far Stella," Flack replies in haste, his face nervous and tense.

"Unless he was taken again," Jessica ponders and my heart races in terror.

"If that has happened we'll never see him again!" I snap and then quickly calm. "Sorry."

"It's okay," Jessica answers.

"Stella, the rest of the team is on their way over and so is Sully," Flack explains. "But you should go back to Mac's and wait in case there is a chance that he managed to get away from this guy and find his way back home. The officers are there but he'll feel more at ease if he sees your face."

"But..." I start in protest.

"Stella. If he's there, he'll need you. We got this covered. Trust me."

I look at the concerned expression on Flack's face and feel mine finally soften; knowing he's right. "No matter how painful you might think it is will you call me?"

"First one," he agrees as I go to take my leave.

_Oh Mac, where are you? Please tell me I haven't lost you!_

XXXXXXXX

"Detective Mac Taylor right?" He asks again and I slowly nod in agreement.

"Do you know me?" I ask the young man before me as I slowly push myself upright, my legs still a bit shaky.

"Yeah, I'm Jamie. There was a case of mistaken identity a few months back and even though the DA wanted to fry my ass, you pushed for the right evidence and gave me a second chance. I took that and cleaned up my life," he informs me with a kind smile. "I never got to thank you then but I'll thank you now."

"You're welcome."

"Are you okay? You look in pretty bad shape," he frowns, looking at my face and my dirty clothes from the fight. "What happened?"

"I was in a car accident but..."

"Must have been a bad one."

"Head on, but I need help right now," I offer in a meek tone.

"Just ask."

"This is sort of embarrassing for me to admit, but I seem to have lost my way and..."

"Where do you need to go?"

"Home. I don't remember where that is. In the accident I hit my head and it affected my memory. Can you help me?"

"Of course, hold on a sec. Just wait right here," he tells me. And without asking for an explanation he hurries away, leaving me to just wonder where he is going and how that's going to help me. My eyes dart around to every sound, my mind on edge, wondering if at any moment my cruel captor will return and I'll be dead for sure. However, a few minutes later Jamie comes back with a piece of paper and a smile and Colin is no where to be seen.

"Just a few blocks down, I'll walk with you," he offers.

"You don't have to," I tell him in haste.

"I don't mind, really. You look like you could use some extra help."

"There is someone out there looking for me," I mention as we head for the backdoor; I stop the young man's arm and force him to look at my worried expression. "And he's got a gun."

"I know the streets. Grew up on em'," he replies. "You'll be okay. Trust me I won't let him get us."

I offer a firm nod and a kind smile before I pull the door open and we head back outside; my heart racing once again.

On way back to my apartment my eyes are nervously darting around for Colin but my ears are listening to the kid's story and I actually feel myself start to relax in his company. His story is sad but when he talks about what I did for him, I feel a sense of pride and accomplishment inside and I am now hoping that I'll remember everything about my past and hope I never see Colin again; his lies made me want to give up on life, but Stella, the others I work with and this young man have shown me in a few short hours that my life is full of things that I want to remember and get back to.

"Well we're here," he tells me as we stop right out front.

"Thanks, I'll be okay from here. Jamie," I call as he stops and turns around. "I really do appreciate the help."

"You're welcome," he replies with a broad smile and then I turn and quickly head inside; spying Stella sitting by the front door, waiting for me. When I push my way through the main entrance after another person, she rushes up to me and pulls me into her arms, holding me close and not letting go.

XXXXXXXX

"Oh I thought I lost you for good this time," I whisper into Mac's ear as I swallow back my sorrow and guilt and anger; replacing those feelings with relief. "But I want you to just stand where you are," I direct as I call Danny to come and process Mac for anything his would be kidnapper might have left behind in the way of DNA. Silence starts to build as each of us just stares at the other with looks of guilt and concern; remorse and anger.

"Stella, I'm sorry," he whispers.

"Just worried me, you know?"

"He wasn't wearing any gloves," Mac informs me with a heavy sigh.

I look at his condition and offer a frown of concern. "Did he hurt you?"

"A few punches here and there but I gave as good as I got," he tells me firmly. "Thankfully no hits to the head. A kid down the street helped me back here."

"Good to have friends in low places. What on earth possessed you to just wander away on your own?" I ask in exasperation. "I mean what the hell..."

"Look I'm just as pissed as you!"

"Damn it Mac! He could have killed you. Why did you do it? To get back at me?"

"No, I just wanted to see if I could get home on my own. And don't use the damn cuffs, I learned my lesson," he tells me and I can't help but smile at his look of nervous agitation.

"Too bad, kinda liked you trapped like that," I tease and he looks up in surprise.

"Oh I'll bet," he frowns as Danny finally appears.

"Big Mac," he smiles as he slowly walks up to us.

Mac just stands still as Danny starts to process his clothes and whatever else Mac can remember Colin touching. He then processes me to ensure anything that transferred from Mac will be taken and examined.

"He obviously has many disguises," I ponder. "Why he's able to just blend in around here, making sure we don't know who he is, but revealing himself to Mac when he feels the need," I tell Flack who has finally joined us.

"Mac, you okay?" Flack asks and Mac offers a nod.

"Do we know his identity yet?" Mac asks us.

"We were able to confirm that a hair we found this morning, matches the DNA we found from the scene where we found your truck after the accident. But unfortunately he's still not in the system," I answer Mac as Danny finishes up. "Tomorrow you'll look at some books that Flack has and hopefully we can put a face to the name and get this guy before he tries again."

Danny and Flack finally finish up and then take their leave, allowing us to slowly head upstairs to Mac's apartment.

"Sorry for worrying you today."

"Why did you do it? Just to go back home? Is that the truth or did you need to be away from me?"

"No Stella, I just needed to do something on my own, to see if I could. And I guess I was wrong."

"Mac, you weren't wrong, Colin's vendetta against you is obviously very strong."

"I hate feeling this lost," Mac states in a half whisper, his fists clenched in anger.

"Mac, you made progress today," I remind him, turning to face him with a kind smile. I gently brush some dirt of his handsome face before offering a small kiss on his warm lips. "But you scared me also. Damn it!" I lightly curse and he offers a sheepish frown. "Your voice over the phone...don't do that to me again, okay?"

"Sorry," he mumbles as we head into his apartment, locking the door.

"You need to take a shower as you smell trash and sidewalk and I'll make us something to eat," I tell him.

"But I never have food in the fridge, you know that," he states, looking at me with a small smile. "And why do I remember that?"

"Are you sure you're not just playing us all?" I inquire with an arched brow.

"Trust me, I if I was playing you, I think you'd have kicked my ass long ago, or thrown me out the window," he replies and I just nod in agreement.

"You got that right."

"You know when he pulled the gun today, I..."

"What? Mac you didn't tell me that...what happened exactly?" I ask in frustration.

"I was just outside my apartment when he came up and showed me a hidden gun and said if I didn't come with him, he'd shoot me. But I told myself that you would be mad if I just went willingly; that and the fact that I doubt I'd ever do that and so I just ran and then you called and well here we are."

"I see. And that's it? Anything further?"

"No, why?"

"Mac..."

"I'm going for a shower," he simply states, turning on his heel and heading for the bedroom to change. "Everything is fine."

I just shake my head and smile. "Sounds like my old Mac," I mumble to myself before heading into the kitchen to order take out.

XXXXXXXX

~Colin Morris~

Taylor's defiant attitude is really starting to become bothersome, I start into my mental tirade. I am no longer parked in front of his apartment in case anyone remembers my trucking coming back twice in the same day. There is now an officer right out front, and unlike the other two who have left, I'm assuming they are to watch him twenty-four, seven.

"Damn his insolence!" I curse in anger as I hit the steering wheel. My fight with him today has, I'm sure, left behind my DNA which means in a matter of days if not less, I could be the next most wanted man by the NYPD, if I'm not already.

My once brilliant plan to destroy the life of the man who destroyed mine is rapidly slipping from my evil grasp; making my anger toward him fester even further. I had planned, that if he was caught, to pass myself off as a doctor to help with his treatment, but once again I curse Bonasera's name in foiling that avenue from me and taking Taylor to a doctor that actually wants to help him.

I have my other transport vehicle planned and know that if he does recover his memory to the point where he remembers me by my first name, I'll have it ready and it'll be his undoing. That and the fact that his partner won't be able to help him when that time comes.

_Sorry my dear Stella, but you won't be able to mess this up for me again._

I head back toward my home, my mind offering glimpses once again of the trial for my life that my brain has forced me to relive over every minute of every day; an event that changed my life and set me on a collision course with my destructive destiny. I offer a cry of anger as I remember reading a document in the psychiatric jail that stated that my medical license had been revoked in the country of the United States; never fit to practice the one true profession that I have loved since a child. My mind then switches to my first of many violent outbursts where I was subjected to various mental probes and treatments, treatments that people shouldn't have to experience.

The death of my own child caused me to seek other ways to console my grief; looking back maybe live test subjects was the wrong path to tread but I don't really regret what I did. And while I learned how to become a sympathetic victim to a parole board, my hatred for Mac Taylor never subsided and has turned me into what they thought I was all along, a killer without a conscience. The past few years of my incarceration only served as fuel for my bitter vendetta.

"I will have my retribution!"

I reach home in a cloud of gloom and despair; my heart racing and my brain in anguish as I pull into the secret underground parking area that I created to hide the van that I will use to take Taylor once more; one final act of revenge and my mind will be at peace.

"Once he's dead..."

XXXXXXXX

I allow myself to linger under the hot water longer than necessary, trying to calm my nerves and completely wash away anything Colin touched; trying to get my limbs to stop shaking. And while I might have downplayed my anxiety to Stella with regards to the attack, his threats are still fresh in my tired brain and I'm still on edge; wondering where he is right now. Is he watching me still?

I finally finish up and dry off, putting on clean clothes and then looking at my face and head in concern. The marks on my face are thankfully subsiding but I'm still worried about the bump on my head. Sheldon Hawkes, who said he was a practicing doctor at one time, said my progress was good and that things looked better than he expected. Today I remembered things, it was small but they all made sense and that gives me hope; more hope than I have had in the days prior. Part of me is hopeful, but the other part wonders if he's just saying that for my own benefit; afraid to tell me the whole truth.

Stella is still moving around the kitchen when I finally emerge from the bathroom, head into the bedroom, dump my clothes in the basket and go in search of her.

"Welcome back to the land of the living," she smiles at me and I can't help but smile back. And despite the fact that I am tired from the day's events, when her arms wrap around me and hold me close, I can't help but bring her lips to mine and offer a warm kiss. However, when she starts to respond with hungry kisses of her own, my arms around her just automatically tighten and my lips move from her mouth to her warm face and then neck.

"Mmm you smell good," she whispers in my ear, playing with my damp hair and warm neck, her fingertips sending small electrical shocks to my feet and making my mouth automatically smile. I gently move her over to the couch and lower us down, her beneath me, but my lips still hungrily devouring hers. I feel her hands starting to pull at my t-shirt and in a matter of minutes my chest is bare and she's planting soft kisses on it, mindful of my tender ribs, which right now aren't wrapped.

I am about to remove her top when there is a knock at the door and we quickly pull apart; like two teenagers caught by their father in the middle of doing something they know they shouldn't. I look at her with a frown, my face flushed and my heart racing.

"Mac, it's okay," she tells me warmly. "Just dinner. We'll continue later."

"Okay," I reply as I quickly redress myself and hurry after her to help. Stella pays for the food and then I help her set it out and we sit down to eat. I start to feel a bit nervous for making such a bold move before but she starts to talk about the day and my awkwardness rapidly declines. In fact half way through our meal, my mind is racing in anticipation of another make-out session; having enjoyed the first one so much; having just a taste and being denied further would be just cruel.

"We'll find him Mac," she assures me; taking my hand and offering a squeeze. After dinner I help Stella clean up and then we head over to the couch and I ask a few more questions, begging my memory to come back so I can remember what I was trying to build with Stella. I have known her for ten years and I am assuming I was married for part of that as if I wasn't I'm sure I would have made a move to taking things further a lot sooner. If not, why not? What was I afraid of?

"You know I was very tempted to invent an amazing love story for us," she starts in a soft tone. I quickly glance up and she's smiling and so I know she's just teasing.

"You could have. Why didn't you?"

"Because when you get your memory back you might try to blackmail me with that or something," she laughs. "It's hard to be this close to you and not have you remember me," she explains and I hear sorrow in her voice and notice her eyes instantly water.

"Stella, I'm sorry," I frown. "I didn't mean..." I start and she quickly silences me with a soft kiss.

"It's not you," she whispers, gently caressing the side of my face with her hand. I place my hand over hers, trapping it against my flush skin and close my eyes and she kisses me again. "You have done nothing wrong."

"Then why do I feel like I have? I want to remember us Stella, why didn't we connect sooner? What was I afraid of?"

She looks at the anguish in my eyes and frowns. "Mac, only you know that, but it might be a good discussion to have with yourself when your memory is back to where it should be."

"If I live alone, why would I want to remember that?" I ask in misery.

"Mac, you might _live_ alone, but with me in your life you'll never _be_ alone."

"I know that right now...I mean with my memory...with us..." my voice trails off as she places one hand on the back of my head and pulls my face closer, the warmth of her making me lightheaded once again. And while I might not have made any moves in the past, that changes now; life I have realized is too precious to waste and I want to make love to her more than anything else at this very moment.

I put one hand on the back of her head, my sweaty fingers finally getting tangled in a mass of curls as I hold her lips captive against mine, hungrily devouring them with all I have left inside; and despite the fact that my body and mind are tired, when her hands pull my t-shirt off once again and delicate fingers start to tease my bare flesh, I know I'll push through a heart attack if it means even one night of this amazing woman in my arms.

XXXXXXXX

"Some things you never forget," Mac whispers in my ear before he kisses the sensitive flesh, making my skin sizzle and slightly shiver. But when he suddenly pulls away, I look up at him in shock. Without caring about his own ribs, he quickly scoops me up in his arms and carries me to the bedroom.

"Mac, your ribs," I whisper as he gently places me on the soft mattress and offers a loving smile.

"Are never too sore to hold you," he mentions before it's my turn to be silenced by his strong lips crushing mine once more. His warm hands roughly pull at my top before finally freeing it from my arms and he gazes longingly down at my naked chest.

"Love skin," he murmurs before planting warm kisses on my neck; my body instantly arching into his body; his body responding in kind. His warm hands wrap around my body and hold me close as he offers soft moans into my ears, his warm breath making my heart beat faster; my desire for him nearing climax.

"I need you now," he offers, almost out of breath, his heart rate matching mine. His lips once again lock with mine as we start to make love and a union once thought unreachable is now being surpassed.

"Wow," he mummers in my ear, gently nuzzling my neck as I lay in his arms some time later, my head resting on his, our bodies warm and glistening with sweat, covered with only a sheet.

"Wow is right."

"You are right we never had sex before," he offers and I look up into his eyes and frown. "I would have remembered that."

My grin widens as I gently poke his sweaty side and he just laughs.

"Well you better not forget it when your memory comes back," I lightly warn as he brushes some damp hair off my forehead before planting a warm kiss on it.

"I doubt I'll ever forget it."

I lie in his arms in silence for a few minutes before I offer a heavy sigh.

"What is it?" He's quick to wonder.

"The man that kidnapped you, did he ever tell you why he did it? Even in a fit of anger?"

"No. Just kept saying things like you wanted to kill me; I wasn't safe; you hated me; the team hated me, and stuff like that. I think mostly to try to break my spirit and will power. He said I ruined his life but never said how or why. I somehow get the feeling that I am strong willed?"

"To a fault sometimes," I answer and he looks at me with a frown.

"That's why I think the cold room, the darkness, the constant berating and belittling me. I think he wanted me to become reliant on him; that I just gave up wanting to seek freedom or a better way of life. Maybe to give up and just die alone..."

As I lay on Mac's chest, listening to him talking, my ear that is pressed against his heart starts to feel it beating faster and I know he's getting worked up. After we just finished an amazing session of love making, the last thing I want is for him to get into a heated fit and put his mind in turmoil once again.

"Just relax a little okay?" I ask in haste as I feel his body starting to tense up as he continues about his captivity.

"Just makes me angry," he states in contempt but finally offers nothing more in the way of a heated remark and his heart rate finally starts to slow. "Come here," he whispers pulling me closer, covering us with a blanket as night starts do descend upon us.

"Goodnight," I whisper with a sleepy expression, kissing his flushed lips once more before he turns out the light.

As I lie awake in his strong arms; my mind always on constant alert to the man who took him and the possibility that he might return under the cover of darkness. I hear his breathing finally starting to shallow and know he's finally falling into a deeper sleep and I am after today's excitement and stress that he should get a few solid hours of sleep before he's disturbed. Thankfully I would be right.

XXXXXXXX

_'You can't hide from me John...'_

_'You'll never be safe...'_

_'Time to shut you up for a bit...'_

_'Never see her again...'_

_'I'm coming for you...TONIGHT!_'

"NO!" I wake up in a panic as my mind offers me an image of Colin pushing a needle into my neck while I am tied up and helpless to stop him.

"Mac?" Stella mumbles in a sleepy voice, pulling herself from her sleep at my loud outburst. I curse myself for waking her up and quickly assure her I'm okay before I try to settle back into the warm bed; Stella's arms wrapping around me once again to confirm I'm safe.

"It was him...he was here..."

"It was just a dream Mac, you're safe."

"Damn it was so real."

"Just try to sleep okay? You need you rest."

"But..."

"I won't let him take you away again," she whispers into the dark stillness of the room and despite my inward doubts I reply with an unseen smile before I kiss the top of her head and close my watery eyes once more and try to find some more solace in sleep.

"Morning," Stella greets me sometime later just as the sun is coming up; I'm already awake and just looking around my bedroom in wonder. The throbbing in my head has subsided and I think it has something to do with our connection last night but I better not mention that as she'll probably think me silly.

"_Good_ morning," I correct and she grabs my mouth and kisses my lips firmly.

"You're right, it is a good morning. You feel like going back into the lab today?"

"Can't just sit around Stella, I have to be involved in this, even if it's just from a distance. Besides it doesn't seem like everyone is speaking a foreign language."

"It's probably only a matter of days now Mac," she tells me and I once again feel at ease.

We talk a bit more about the day and then finally it's time to get up and get ready. I know when I have my memory fully recovered, it'll be back to business as usual but I'm wondering if Stella and I could go back to being just friends? She said we care about each other and that we were trying to take things past friendship so I have to believe that our growing bond will continue to grow. I let Stella have the shower first and although I have seen her naked and would very much like to again, I need to have some boundaries so keep myself wisely in the bedroom until she's done. However, I grab my robe and head into the kitchen, opening the fridge and smiling at all the food she's stocked it with.

"Didn't want you to die of starvation when your memory is back and I'm not here to nurse you back to health," she whispers, coming up behind me and wrapping her arms around me, pulling me into her warm embrace.

"Mmm you smell good," my turn to offer as I let the faint sent of orange tempt my already hungry brain.

"You smell like morning...like the smell of morning Mac, I like waking up to you like this."

"You know I hadn't thought about when I have my memory back and you not being here on a regular basis," I whisper and she turns me around to face her.

"Mac, we are growing our bond, you getting your memory back isn't going to change that, if anything this whole ordeal has helped to strengthen it. Now get into the shower before I change my mind and attack you right here."

"And that would be a bad thing?" I ask in eager expectation.

"Shower...now..." she lightly orders and I can't help but grin. I plant one more kiss on her lips before slowly heading back to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

XXXXXXXX

In truth I wanted nothing more than to attack him, letting the smell of sleep and his manly scent tease my fantasies a moment longer before he wisely takes his leave and heads into the bathroom; worse still when he comes out smelling clean and tempting. I hear his shaver start and take that as my cue to finally get ready to go into work.

I finish dressing and then head back into the living room to call Flack. "Anything?"

"Canvassed the neighborhood and someone remembers seeing the same dark truck parked a few doors down from Mac's apartment, just waiting," Flack relays the information to me with a heavy sigh.

"But once again nothing solid. This guy just didn't fall from the sky out of thin air. He isn't in our system which means he knows how to keep himself out of trouble, however, he's targeting Mac for some reason, wanting him to forget, vengeance for ruining his life, but why?"

"I'll get Adam to expand his search to all State data bases," Flack lets me know. We talk a bit longer about the details of what we'll do today and then I hang up; turn around to see Mac looking at me in expectation.

"Anything?" He questions, his hair still wet but he's starting to look like the old Mac I have grown to expect every day, dress pants, dark t-shirt and a button up dress shirt that he's not finished buttoning up.

"Still searching," I answer with an arched brow directed at his open shirt. "Going for the Miami Vice look?" I tease.

"Funny," he answers in a dry tone as he slowly starts to finish his task of getting dressed. "My favorite color is blue right?"

"How did you know?"

"Most clothing I own is in some sort of shade of blue. Sorry just an observation, not a memory," he mentions, his face showing a frown instead of a smile of approval. But I just smile back as I head to the door and grab my coat and put it on.

"Do I always wear suits?"

"For the most part."

"Why?"

"Good question," I smile and he just frowns.

"Not helpful."

"So are you going to pull another stunt like yesterday or do I have to handcuff you to the desk to make sure you stay where you are?" I ask with a smile.

"I'll behave," he answers in haste and I just smile.

"You better."

"Trust me, I've learned not to cross you," he mentions and I laugh.

XXXXXXXX

We finally reach the office and slowly walk inside. My nervous anxiety isn't as bad as yesterday and when Lindsay and Sheldon walk up to greet us, my heart isn't ready to explode as before and I am actually interested in what they have to say; see what they have found on my would be kidnapper. My brain once again is starting to flash various images that now I can recognize and my outlook doesn't seem so bleak.

"So Mac, I need you to come and take a look at what we found," Sheldon tells me, handing me a handout with various numbers and items on the page.

"Sure."

Stella and I turn to follow Sheldon and Lindsay who talk about other information about my case and I finally realize that their foreign language isn't that foreign and for some reason I'm not as lost as I was yesterday.

We head into the lab and my mind flashes me a picture of myself standing by one of them, wearing a white coat and working on one of the very expensive looking pieces of equipment. Stella had told me on the way over that Dr. Adams wanted to see me later for another CAT scan to see how the swelling was coming and this time around I'm more than happy to comply.

We stand by the computer and Sheldon pulls up a few objects that were from various areas of the crime scene of the truck and then where I was found and I finally feel like I can contribute something vital to this case instead of just standing around feeling like a burden. But I let my eyes wander around the workstation of Sheldon Hawkes while the others talk. I discreetly pull away and let my eyes take in all they can; hoping that something will spark a memory or maybe more.

But as I come across a photograph, I offer a small gasp and my world comes to a halt as my eyes lock with my kidnapper; standing beside Sheldon Hawkes.

"Mac?" Stella asks in haste, Sheldon and Lindsay now closing in on me. "Did you remember something else?"

"What is this? This group? Who are they?" I ask, my finger pointing to a group of men in white coats, standing together, smiling and holding objects in their hands.

"This was a group of doctors taken about six years ago," Sheldon starts to inform me. "I was invited to join a special research group on the study of brain injuries in middle aged patients. Why?"

"I know him," I offer as I land my finger on a man who has managed to make my life a living hell. "Who is he? Sheldon tell me who this man is!"

"I'm not sure, but I can find out," Sheldon tells me.

"Mac, how do you know him?" Stella wonders.

"He's the man that kidnapped me. That's _Colin_."

"What!"

* * *

**A/N:** so things are ramping up a bit with Mac's memory. Good or bad? Hehe...you tell me in a review.

**PS:** If you haven't yet, please check out my latest smacked one shot "12 Ice Cubes!" A hot treat for the summer heat


	11. Closer to Reality?

**Title: A Criminal Mind  
Chapter 11 - Closer to Reality?**

* * *

I hear the torment in Mac's voice and know he's telling the truth; actually thankful that we caught this small break. I watch Sheldon take the picture and then head for Flack's area to start their computer search to get the real name behind Mac's tormentor.

I see Mac's body tense and his fists clench as his brain obviously forces him to remember his painful stay with his captor.

"Anything else about him familiar?" I dare to ask Mac.

"Like a motive?"

"Anything would be helpful."

"He just kept telling me that he was in charge and that I was better off being locked away from the world. He better pray you find him first because if I ever get my hands on him again, I think I'll kill him!"

I hear the anger in Mac's voice and then the frustration in his blue eyes as he turns to face me and am once again shown glimpses of the Mac I have come to know and love. _Won't be long now before he's back to his old self_. And that I take very much comfort in.

"We'll get him. If he's in the medical community then Sheldon will find him."

Mac looks around, his eyes searching past me and then finally locking with mine again.

"What?"

"Flashes, mostly of myself doing odd things once again."

"Working cases, handling evidence, tracking a killer; all the fun things we do in here," I mention as we slowly head back into the busy hallway and then into his office. Mac slumps down on the couch and I beside him.

"What's really bothering you?" I dare to ask.

"I think part of the reason I left yesterday was that I didn't want to be who I was before; I was afraid of all the responsibilities I seem to have. I am sorry for all the anger and frustration that I might have caused you, and if I seem off base opening myself up then sorry."

"What?"

"I can tell by the look on your face you are surprised by what I am saying."

"Well you always were good at reading people," I tell him and he only offers a heavy sigh. "Mac, what is it? What is really bothering you? Tell me."

"I care about you," he half whispers, looking down, his eyes not able to meet mine.

"You have for some time Mac, and I care about you."

"But I think I love you...the feelings are..." his voice trails off. "Stronger than friendship."

I take his hand in mine and offer a gentle squeeze; forcing his eyes back up to mine.

"And that scares you?"

"A little. I am guessing there was a reason I never told you sooner and now when I get my full memory restored I'll be stuck between what I should have said and what I just did say. Am I making sense?"

I offer a kind smile and his body finally relaxes. "What worries you more? Telling me or actually wanting to believe it?"

"Both."

"Mac, you have nothing to be worried about, inside my heart, I know I love you too, but we've just been too busy to actually work on those feelings, until late."

"Then I was in the damn accident," he replies with a curse and light scowl. "Will it be awkward for us to work together even though you know..." his voice trails off and then he finally laughs. "Just forget it."

I take his hand and force him back down. "Mac...stop putting so much pressure on yourself. We'll take it as we always do, one day at a time. That's what I learned best from you."

"Great role model," he huffs. "I hate that line."

"Well only you can change it."

"I just might."

XXXXXXXX

Stella is about to offer me another reply when Flack comes into my office; Sheldon in tow.

"Dr. Wilson Oswald," Flack starts, handing us a file to read. "He was arrested and put away by one Detective Mac Taylor on evidence that suggested he was torturing his live patients in unconventional methods; all to do with memory loss and mind manipulation. In fact at his trial it was noted that, Dr. Oswald with his last breath vowed revenge against Detective Taylor if he ever got out."

"It's all there and we even have an address," Sheldon adds.

"What are we waiting for?" I ask the group and they just look at me with expressions that suggest I sound like I normally do. In a manner of minutes we are on the road, Stella and I in one truck and Sheldon and Flack in his cruiser.

"You going to be okay if we confront him?"

"He won't be there," I reply in haste; my gaze still fixed out the window, once again in hopes that I'll remember something else. "He said he was taking me to the country and this doesnt look like a country address. But I could be wrong."

"No you are probably right but maybe I'll lead us to his country home."

"Mind manipulation," I ponder. "That's a scary thought in itself. I can't help but wonder if I didn't have people in my life that actually cared enough to keep looking or want to find me, what might have happened? Or what if I didn't meet that young man named Adam? What if I didn't have help to escape? Would I still be there? Would I still have been found? And if so..." my voice rambles off in anger. "I hate this! I know I would have died alone."

"You're too much of a fighter Mac, to ever give up. You might have ended up with a terrible outcome but I don't think you would have just lain down and given up."

I look at her and offer a small smile that is quickly followed by a frown. "Thank you for never giving up. Am I always this stubborn?"

"Yes," she smirks and I feel at ease again. However that feeling is short lived as soon as we reach Oswald's house and Stella brings the truck to a stop; my anxiety on high and my nerves on edge.

"Last chance to bail?" She questions.

"I'm stubborn right?"

"Let's go."

I follow after the three of them, my eyes darting around the area of the city that I am not familiar with as we head into the small apartment building; not far from where I was actually found. I feel my anxiety starting to grow as Detective Flack pounds on the door and announces the NYPD. When we only hear silence in return, the landlord opens the door and we all start to filter in.

"Mac..." Stella breaths in horror as we all walk in to find an empty apartment, except a small shrine dedicated to my ultimate demise where we all stop and stare, time capturing us in place.

_'Death to Mac Taylor...'_

_'Detective Taylor will pay...'_

Various slogans hand written across pictures of myself; articles on cases I have worked on; computer printouts with various formulas on drugs to help with memory loss and so forth. I felt myself actually shudder as my eyes continued to take in all the things about me that obviously fueled his hatred. Recipes for certain drug combinations; my personal health history and the plans for taking out the Avalanche the night of the storm.

"He has my personal health history?"

"I see motive," Sheldon mentions.

"This guy really hates me," I mention and Stella looks at me in torment.

"This place is clean," Flack informs us. "I'll check with the neighbors to see if they remember when he left."

"Look at the dates of some of these. He was in jail then," Sheldon offers.

"That other fellow Shane must have been working with him," I mumble as I start to look a little more closely at the things before my eyes; taking in the pictures of myself and trying to remember the cases or situations associated with them.

"Anything familiar?" Stella wonders.

"I see myself in court."

"Could be his trial," Sheldon adds. "Or just one of many you have attended."

I allow them to start to process the scene as I slowly wander into another part of the small apartment; looking for anything else that might be of use. I head into a small bedroom and notice the electrical panel is slightly ajar and pull it open; a small picture of a boy falling to my feet. I very carefully pick it up and look at it; staring into the face of a child I dont know. I head back outside to see Stella looking at me in concern.

"Found this," I offer her the picture. "What did you find?"

"Motive. This guy has a diary here about how much he hates you and we finally know the reason behind his hatred."

"Revenge?" I ask and she offers me a small nod. "Seemed natural."

"He blamed you for taking away his life and wanted to do the same by _taking away your memory and making you into a shell of a human being; locked away from anyone that cares, just like I was..._those are his words," Stella reads me from the small book. She holds the book in her hand and I look at it with hesitation. "You don't have to read it Mac. It's only full of hate and doubt."

"I..." I start as I reach for it and then quickly pull my hand back. "Just put it with the rest of the evidence."

I continue to just wander around while Flack is outside talking to hopefully people that can offer anything else and Stella and Sheldon work to collect everything that Wilson Oswald left behind. His name does sound somewhat familiar but maybe there is a reason I don't want to remember a man who vowed revenge against my very soul.

"You want to ride back with Flack?" Stella asks almost an hour later when we are finally ready to go.

"I know I put this guy away for a reason; but for him to dwell on revenge for five years and then act upon it almost makes it not worth while to..."

"Mac, that's him talking," Stella quickly cuts me off; not allowing my self-defeating comments to continue. "You quit now or just give up and he's proven right. Trust me; you are the last man in the world to back down from a fight. If anything it'll just strengthen your conviction to want to find him and kick his ass...in a manner of speaking."

"I almost just walked out of here you know," I mention as I move in closer; my arms around her holding her close. "Thank you for not letting me."

"Never," she smiles warmly.

"So I just finished..." Sheldon's voice trails off as he walks into the room and we quickly pull apart. "Oh sorry, didn't mean to interrupt."

"Sorry, I guess I don't normally..." my own voice dies out as I offer a sheepish frown and Sheldon just smiles.

"It stays here," he assures us and Stella offers a heavy sigh.

Sheldon finally takes his leave and I look at her in remorse. "I'm sorry to have embarrassed you like that."

"Mac, we are friends and Sheldon knows you are going through a tough time. Don't worry about it."

XXXXXXXX

"Right," Mac whispers to me, his face also flush and I can't help but wonder if his heart is racing the same speed as mine. And while I know that Sheldon could use Mac's memory loss as an excuse for the outward display of affection, I also know we'll be the talk of the team when we get back. However, I paste on a smile so that Mac thinks nothing is wrong and go back to my original task.

We head back into the room and thankfully Sheldon doesn't act strange around us, in fact he's a little too accommodating which once again has me wondering what he's up to and what gossip I'll have to stem before it reaches Mac's ears. We finally finish up with Dr. Oswald's apartment and then head back to the lab; Sheldon now with us so we only talk about the case.

"Did he mention anything else about this other home?" Sheldon ponders.

"Only that it would be away from anyone and anything that could help me," Mac states in a sour tone, his eyes once again fixed outside.

"Well we found a few oddities that hopefully will lead us to his new home, such as very coarse dirt and odd looking leaves," I tell Mac and his fists thankfully unclench; his mind once again clinging to any bit of good news that I can offer.

"I just can't help but wonder where he is right now."

"Or what he's planning next."

XXXXXXXX

~Colin Morris/Wilson Oswald~

"Thanks Nick, I owe you one," I reply as I slam the phone down in anger with my previous landlord, who just informed me that Taylor has just found my shrine. I was going to head back to the apartment today to remove the last vestiges of the items on Detective Taylor but now I am only left to curse my tardiness and wonder what they'll be able to use to find me.

The glass I have in my hand I hurl at the wall; allowing golden liquid and glass to spray the wall and the floor around it with angry shards.

"Damn it!" I curse once again; mostly my own short sightedness. Thankfully this place I am in now is not going to be listed anywhere or with anything attached to my name; but if they found the apartment then they know my identity and it's just a matter of days now before Taylor has his full memory back. And when that happens I better have a damn good plan at taking him once again as I know he'll be pissed and wanting my capture and arrest. And on a good day he's a force to be reckoned with.

"And this time, I've vowed I won't be taken alive!" I hiss in anger as I storm up to a picture of my son. I allow myself to drift into morbidity as my mind replays images of him as a child; so full of life and youthful vigor. When he finally came out of his coma, the doctors told me that nothing could be done to fully restore him and he eventually found it more helpful to walk off the top of the house instead of waiting on me to find a cure for his damaged brain.

The worst part was him opening his eyes and asking who I was. "I am your father," I still remember my tormented voice trying to explain to him. But as his uncertain eyes searched into mine I knew the truth wouldnt make a difference, my son would never know me again; my life forever shattered by a stupid act.

After that I shrunk inside myself; devoting my life to the suffering of others, trying to cause them pain to help me forget mine. The worst part was, each time I would steal someone's past, my own misgivings would come back to haunt me and I was back at square one trying to find anything person to help dull the anger.

"Then you found me!" I yell at a picture of Mac Taylor at my fingertips. "You put me away and I wasn't finished!" I slam my fist onto the desk and offer another heavy curse. But I finally allow myself to sit down at my desk and allow my anger to finally subside.

A few minutes of just resting and my mind is once again clear to start formulating a plan for Taylor's demise. An idea finally pops into my head and a slow smile starts to tug at my lips.

"Soon Taylor...soon your life will be over - _for good_!"

XXXXXXXX

I help Sheldon with the evidence we found and then go in search of Mac and find him in his office just looking at his personal effects once again.

"Was I ever in trouble at work?" He wonders.

"Well there was a case about a guy who jumped off a building, hands cuffed behind his back and making it seem like you pushed him off...what do you remember?"

"Just bits and pieces. How about a puzzle? Is that familiar."

"Well Drew Bedford was your 333 stalker and he sent his final clues in a puzzle just before he kidnapped you and forced us to find you."

"I seem to have a lot of enemies. Do I have just as many friends?"

"Mac, you are a very private person. You love work and this is your life; this lab, here with me and the team that you hand picked yourself. You have close friends but you don't have a million people you associate with."

"How private? You know a lot about me. Do I know just as much about you?"

"You and I have a special bond Mac, you know more about me than I sometimes know about myself," I smile warmly at him and he rewards me with a small smile; finally replacing the worried frown his handsome face has been displaying for the better part of the day. "You will remember everything."

Mac continues to ask his questions until Dr. Adams calls and wants Mac to come back for another progress exam. I tell Sheldon to call if he finds anything and then head out to the hospital with Mac at my side.

"I remember you being in the hospital," he offers and my instant reaction is to wince. He's quick to notice and his face immediately displays concern. "Was it something I did?"

"Gosh no," I offer in haste. "I was attacked by an old boyfriend who did a real number on me and who I was forced to kill. You were the first to find me and the only one to work the scene."

"Sorry," he whispers.

"What on earth for? Mac, you saved me, in fact that night I think we came to an understanding of sorts."

"Did I tell you I loved you then?"

"No, Mac you only told me that today," I admit and he sighs. "It's no big deal really; please don't stress out about it or Dr. Adams is going to hold me responsible for your slow progress."

Mac finally offers a faint smile but I can tell inside the things he's learned today are starting to take their toll and I know inside he'll face another sleepless night.

XXXXXXXX

"Mac," Dr. Adams greets us with a smile. "How are you feeling today?"

"Agitated," I offer in truth. "And frustrated."

"Understandable but I am going to warn you that it will get worse before it gets better. Once you start to remember anything, even bits and pieces, you'll want to force yourself to remember everything at once and then you'll get even angrier and more agitated because you can't. Just don't do anything too rash in those incidents and you'll get through this."

"Doesn't sound very comforting," I wince.

"Mac, there are no easy answers and I wish I could offer you something in the way of a miracle cure; but the brain is the most complex device ever created and we still don't know all there is to know about it. Just give yourself a break and some more time. Now do you have any pain anywhere?"

"Well I got into a fight yesterday but no hits to the head," I reply with a frown, looking sideways at Stella who just offers a shrug when Dr. Adams looks at her for an explanation.

"It wasn't her fault," I offer in her defense and this time it's Dr. Adams turn to shake his head.

"Stella, can you wait here? I need to do another scan and see how the swelling is progressing."

I follow after Dr. Adams in silence.

"Any memories?"

"Bits and pieces. But things don't seem so foreign and I actually feel a bit of ease at work," I huff as I start to undress my upper half so that he can do an examination and then the scan. "When will it all come back?"

"Can't say for sure exactly."

"Will it hurt?"

"Might give you a splitting headache. You'll find that as you start to remember things your frustration is going to grow; you'll have a flashback and then try to force yourself to remember everything about that incident and you'll probably get mad at yourself or those around you because you can't remember it all. You'll want to force yourself to remember everything; but your memory will come back on its timetable, not yours."

"But I want it back!"

"Of course you do. Just remember when you are agitated and frustrated, don't give up. Take a break from the thing that was helping the memory return and then go back to it. But just don't give up altogether. I wish I had an exact answer to tell you but each person is different."

"Am I making any kind of progress?"

"Let's take the scan and see."

I once again lie down on the table and wait as Dr. Adams does what he has to do and then allow him to examine my chest and ribs.

"You seem a natural magnet to trouble," he notes.

"So I've been told."

"And it sounds like it bothers you?"

"Well I seem to have a lot of enemies; the woman I'm with I know I love but have never told her that; I am in charge of a lab with so many complicated procedures and am responsible for eight million people. Part of me just wants to get on a plane and disappear to a tropical island someplace."

Dr. Adams just offers a laugh and a warm smile as he starts to examine the wound on my head.

"Mac, I've known you for some time and you have never run away from anything in your life; and trust me, you've faced some scary things. You will get through this; probably sooner than you'll expect."

Dr. Adams talks to me a bit longer before he allows me to dress again and we head back into the main room to find Stella.

"Well good news, the swelling is all but gone. A few places that still look tender, but no more pressure on memory cavities or nerves. Now its just time."

"So it should just come back like that?" Stella wonders with a frown.

"Just like that," Dr. Adams smiles. "Memory restoration is still a new medical frontier that even the experts are having to tread carefully with."

"Experts," I huff. "Like Dr. Wilson Oswald?"

"Oswald? Well he knew his stuff, but he was more mad scientist than medical expert. Why do you bring him up?"

"What do you know about him?" Stella questions.

"He's in jail right?"

"Got out just under a year ago."

"And how does he factor in?" Dr. Adams asks again.

"He's the man responsible for Mac's current condition."

Dr. Adams looks at both of us with a frown, his eyes resting back on me. "Sorry Mac, but he was a real loose canon."

"What do you mean?"

"Heard when he wasn't given funding for animal subjects he turned to human subjects."

"Great."

"Especially after his son died."

"His son? What happened?"

"Hit by a drunk driver who turned out to be a cop. Kid woke up with no memory; never regained it. Oswald cursed life itself and vowed he would find a cure for memory loss. Was in on some interesting things when his son committed suicide. Oswald then snapped and started to seek out live test subjects to torment. I was glad when he was put away. Didn't you..."

"Yes I helped put him away," I state sourly.

"Did he ever mention a home in the country?" Stella asks.

"Bragged about it a lot," Dr. Adams replies.

"Do you remember where he said it was?"

"No sorry, saw a picture once. Funny shaped trees but looked nice."

"Funny?"

"Yeah you know, like shapes of animals and such. You are welcome to look around here, if you'd like. If it'll help just let me know."

"It just might. Thanks," Stella replies as she pulls her phone and calls Sheldon.

I listen to Dr. Adams a bit longer and then Stella and I finally take our leave.

"You okay?" She lightly asks, noting my glum mood.

"He said that the swelling is all but gone and the bump is down but I dont remember anything of substance."

"Mac, give yourself a break will you. It's just a matter of days now, he said. One thing...I'm betting it'll take one thing and you'll be back to the old you just like that."

I stop and look at her with a wondering expression before taking her into my arms and holding her close. "The new me is in love with you...will the old me still feel the same?"

"Why would that change? Mac, this is you...when I say the old you I mean your memories and experiences; all the things that go into making you, well you. But us...right now...this is a fresh start for both of us and the only one who can change that is you."

"I don't want it to change it...us...this," I insist and she plants a warm kiss on my lips. My grasp around her tightens and I can't help but kiss her once more. "I would die if I lost you now," I whisper and her arms close around me tighter. We stand locked in eternity for what seems like forever until Stella tells me it's time to leave.

"You are not going to lose me."

"Promise?"

"Yes why?"

"Did you want to stay at your place tonight? You haven't been home in days," I mention; forcing her to look at me in surprise.

"Are you sure?"

"Well no, but I feel selfish and know that you also have a home that needs tending to andwell I guess I want to see if anything..." my voice trails off as I offer a heavy sigh.

"Kinda got used to being with you," she admits in a sad tone. "But if you want space."

XXXXXXXX

"Space, no it's not...."

"Mac I get it. Is that why you were worried?"

"Partly."

"Don't be worried, when I go home tonight I am still going to love you."

"Okay."

Mac's comment actually forced me to feel sorrow for myself mostly but I can't really fault him for wanting to be alone; especially after the information he's learned today. But part of me has become so used to just going home with him that I actually dont want to part and selfishly want to be with him.

"Stella, I'm sorry, you sound..."

"Mac's its fine on one condition..."

"I promise I'm going to go home and just sleep and wait for you to pick me up in the morning. But you can come up for dinner if you'd like. I know I have food now."

"I think I would like that."

We make further small talk about Dr. Oswald and what else we found out about him and the connection to Mac. We also discuss what Dr. Adams told him and further about the days events. I help Mac with a modest dinner; our conversation turns away from work back to music and just things in general and by the time dinner ends, I am just enjoying having him with me so much so that I dont want to leave.

"Well I guess I should let you rest."

"Please stay with me," Mac lightly begs as I finish up in the kitchen and then head for my coat.

"Mac, its okay please don't..." I start only to have him silence me with a soft kiss.

"I want you to stay. Once I get my memory back I have a feeling this might end or not be as regular as it is right now."

"I will on one condition," I start and he offers a grin. "And don't mention handcuffs or I will handcuff you to the bed and be done with it," I finish and he pouts.

"What is your condition?" He huffs.

"I get to leave at a descent hour tomorrow morning as I am running out of clean clothes."

"Deal. Can I kiss you now?"

I just laugh and lean in closer. "You need a shower."

"Want to join me?"

"Just hurry."

"Yes ma'am," he offers as he plants a warm kiss on my lips and then heads for the bathroom. I can't help but smile as I hear him humming in the other room, my core instantly warming as I picture him naked under the water. I head into the bedroom and change into my nightshirt, hiding my little surprise under my pillow and then plunking myself down to wait. Thankfully I don't have to wait too long as Mac rewards me by coming into the bedroom with only a towel wrapped around his waist.

"Mmmm come here right now," I order and he just grins. His body is warm and so inviting to the touch; the fresh smell of him driving me to almost instant climax as he lowers himself down. He goes to wrap one arm around my head when I quickly whip out the handcuffs and capture his wrist and then twist myself around so that I am on top of him and capture the other one so both are trapped above his head; leaving his naked warm body exposed and vulnerable.

"There, now I can have my way with you," I inform him with a wicked grin.

"Hey," he offers in slight protest, pulling against the cuffs but then looking up at me in wonder.

"Stella?"

"Well you did mention it."

"I guess I did."

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"More than okay."

"Yeah, thought you'd like that."

"Well I wasn't expecting it," he mumbles, flexing for me and allowing me to plant tender kisses on his perfect arms.

"Well I know you aren't mad."

"But now I can't hold you."

"That's right...now you have to do what I tell you."

"Just be gentle," he teases as I lower myself down and start to hungrily devour his warm lips. My hand starts to play with damp hair and the other starts to touch whatever exposed warm flesh my fingers land on. I finally pull back, lean up and then slowly remove my nightshirt, leaving myself naked and exposed on top of him.

"You are so amazing," he whispers eliciting a soft moan as my body shifts on his.

"Well you are pretty great yourself," I praise and he smiles once more.

"I need you now," he lightly begs as I start to silence him once more with my mouth; my nails making small trails on his trapped arms; loving the feeling of his hard muscles in my hands. I finally remove the towel and move myself into a better position.

"I love you," he whispers and I look at him in surprise.

"Mac?"

"I think I always have."

"That's not the cuffs talking is it?" I lightly tease.

"No, it's me talking."

"Good to hear."

"Please Stella...make love to me," he begs once more as I finally comply; his arms still trapped above his head.

"Happy to."

"Let me go," he whispers as his mouth plants warm kisses around my ear.

"I'm never letting you go," I whisper in return as I silence his mouth once more with mine. A few minutes later, I regrettably undo one wrist and it gently grabs a handful of hair and pulls me back down, offering whatever his lips can latch themselves onto.

"I love you too," I whisper and he looks at me with a warm smile.

"You do?"

"More than I can admit," I offer warmly.

My hands gently grasp whatever they can; my fingers teasing sweaty flesh, his warm lips on mine as we start to make love once again; his lips offering soft moans into my ears and my mouth rewarding his brain with pleasure filled moans of my own. Finally after we have spent everything inside; we lay side by side in sweaty bliss.

"Wow...didn't think it was possible to be better than the first time, but I think it was," he praises and my smiles widens.

"You are biased because of these," I tease as I finger his wrist that still has the cuff wrapped around it.

"Waiting for round two."

"Mac, it's almost one AM," I lightly moan with a smile.

"So that's a no?" He asks in mock hurt as he takes the small key from my fingers and undoes the cuff. "Next time?"

"Next time."

"Okay," he smiles as he plants a warm kiss on my cheek and then pulls the covers over us. And despite the emotional revelations that we both experienced today, when I close my eyes to sleep, it's peaceful and filled with fantasies of me and Mac making love and I dont open my eyes again until morning.

However, as we both fall asleep, neither of us suspected that tomorrow, Mac's life would once again be on the brink of extinction; a madman coming back on the scene and I would be racing to save the man I know I love more than anything.

* * *

**A/N: **so yeah had to throw the cuffs in! hehe...my signature smex toy! (grin)one step closer to Mac's memory but what does Colin do next? Please review and let me know if you liked this chapter and thanks


	12. My Name is Mac Taylor!

**Title: A Criminal Mind  
Chapter 12 - My Name is Mac Taylor!**

* * *

Despite the circumstances of the day, as I fall asleep with Stella in my arms, my mind is somewhat at peace, and my body no longer as sore as before; however, neither of us realizing that in a few hours I would once again be fighting for my freedom and very existence at the hands of a madman bent on my personal destruction.

I do awake a few hours into the night; my mind has now accepted the fact that I am a very light sleeper and I'm now used to it. I feel her soft breathing, tickling my bare chest and offer a happy sigh of contentment.

I do wonder when things are back to normal what it will be like to come to home alone every night; I to my place her and her to hers? I like having someone around to have dinner with; discuss the day's events with; have amazing sex with; fall asleep with and then wake up to. Soon it will be just me and my empty misery, and as I allow my brain to dwell on that I am at once consumed with sorrow. But I can't be selfish and know that she has a life apart from mine and need to have confidence in the fact that I told her I love her and that we'll continue to progress no matter what.

I force myself to think on that one thought as I close my eyes again and pull her close once more, offering a heavy sigh and allowing the steady rhythm of her heart to lull me into darkness once again.

I slowly open my eyes the following morning and look at the clock. I told Stella that I would wake her early so she could at least go home and change and I need to keep to that promise. But as I continue to gaze at the beautiful woman asleep in my arms, my selfish desires start make themselves known once again and I want nothing more than to spend the day with her just like this, the rest of the world be damned.

She finally opens her eyes and looks at me in suspect.

"Morning," I offer with a smile and then a slight frown which she's quick to pick up on.

"What's wrong?"

"Did I ever stay at your place?"

"Maybe when you were drunk and passed out," she teases. "Kidding. No you haven't."

"Why not?"

"I have a no men policy," she tells me.

"You've never been with another man before?" I ask and she smiles. "No, wait you said..."

"None as wonderful as you."

"Funny. Have I ever slept in?" I wonder and she just laughs, rolling onto her side, her naked body once again pressed against mine.

"No."

"Ever spent the day naked in bed with you?"

She offers a slight cough and then a smile. "What? No, but that sounds like fun. Very different side of you."

"And I don't have a lot of fun normally?"

"Mac, you are trying to remember things that make you who you are. Yes you have fun...well your version of fun."

"And what do I like to do for fun?" I question; eager to remember what kind of man I am in my personal life. "I understand that I am a workaholic and love my job and take it very seriously. But outside of my liking to play the guitar, what else do I take an interest in?_ Anything_?"

"Don't make yourself sound so pathetic," she urges and I just frown.

"But I don't have interests outside of work?"

"I wish I could tell you what you want to hear. You enjoy your job and you like playing at the club. Mac you are a very private man who..."

XXXXXXXX

"Who it sounds like I live alone for a reason!" He states with a sour tone.

I look at the frustration on his handsome face and tenderly stroke his cheek. He takes my hand and holds it firmly, adding to the warmth of my body.

"What if I don't want to remember the man I was before?"

"No way Mac," I tell him in haste. "Don't do this to yourself. When your memory is completely restored and you don't like something about your life you can change it then...don't force me into a role where I feel guilty about not giving you any other options."

"There is a reason I'm alone, right?"

"That's what you wanted and until the accident I thought that's what you wanted for the rest of your life. But the night of accident we were going to go on our, I guess first official date and work towards a new understanding."

"A new understanding? Sounds cold," he offers with a wince.

"Don't be angry," I tell him with a kind smile; but his mood is insistent on being upset.

"I'm just frustrated."

"I know and I don't blame you, but you want an easy solution and there isn't one. I'm sorry."

"But..."

"Remember what Dr. Adams told you?"

"Yes not to give up so easily or make rash decisions."

"Sounds like good advice. Mac, your memory is well on its way to being healed, days now remember. You made excellent progress yesterday and tomorrow if you don't like something you'll change it."

"Can you stay a bit longer?"

"I have to go and get ready."

"Fine!"

"Mac..."

"I'm sorry."

"I don't think you are; but the person you need to be mad at is yourself not me."

"Isn't that contrary to what Dr. Adams told me?"

"He told you that this would happen; that once you start remembering things you would get even more agitated because they wouldn't come back fast enough."

"So?"

"So don't take it out on me!"

"I am sick of this!"

"Mac, you want an excuse, and I refuse to give you one. You and I have known each other for over ten years and have built an amazing friendship; a bond closer than most people share. I guess we were too afraid to take things to the next step until recently. I know you faced death and I can't tell you how awful that made me feel inside; but I also don't want you to use that as an excuse to crawl back into an emotional shell or start doing things that aren't the real you to which you'll just curse yourself when this is all over."

He crosses his arms across his chest and I can't help but smile at his childish mood.

"Okay _Mr. Grumpy_, I'm leaving," I tell him as I plant a soft kiss on his lips.

He offers me a small smile in return but I can tell his mind is now trying to process things he can't comprehend about himself.

"Stella..."

"I have to go home and change," I mention, as I finally push myself out of the warm bed, pull on my nearby clothes and then start to gather up whatever else is mine. Mac finally grabs his robe, puts it on and then follows after me.

I gather up all my things into a small overnight bag and then look at him in wonder. "Mac, don't be this way. We spent an amazing night last night and..." I start with a frown when he doesn't offer me a smile.

"I don't want things to change."

"They won't, I promise. Trust me when you are back to you, you'll be at work for the better part of the waking day and probably have no time for anything else like you normally do. I mean you have even pulled all-nighters."

"I think I need some mental readjustment," he huffs and I just laugh. He finally pulls me into his strong arms and allows himself a heavy sigh.

"We will be together but I'm kinda flattered that you are so worried about us. Very different from the regular Mac Taylor."

"I don't want to lose this," he frowns and I can't help but smile; realizing how this situation has finally forced him to see other things in his life worth living for besides truth and justice.

"You and I are going to be just fine."

He plants a warm kiss on my lips and then finally smiles. "Hurry back."

"Just be ready when I come," I tell him as I kiss him back, offering him a hard slap on the ass. "As I said before..."

"I like it when you're rough," he teases as he kisses me once more.

"Oh I know you do."

I finally take my leave and head downstairs and get into the truck. I know Mac is frustrated and I guess I would be too if I was offered a glimpse of something amazing but then had to face that fact that I might never have it again.

In truth, we will continue as we are, just with a new understanding and that's more than fine by me; in fact it's welcome. I finally reach home and hurry to get the laundry into the basket and then rush into the bathroom to have a quick shower and then get dressed for the day. I allow the hot water to try to ease some of the morning's anxiety out of my now tense limbs but just can't seem to feel any calmer when I start to get dressed.

And by the time I am heading back to pick up Mac, my mind is now wondering not only what Sheldon was able to find but also what other things Mac is going to be arguing with himself over for the rest of the day; coupled with what his captor is up to and my mind is in pain.

"I apparently have an eye appointment today," Mac informs me as he gets into the truck and we start for the office. "Dr. Marks," he reads to me off his hand written note.

"I don't remember that but I'll check it out," I tell him as I phone Adam.

"Dr. Marks? He's the same guy I go to," Adam informs me. "He's okay and trust me I have looked at the picture of the guy who kidnapped Mac and it's not him. When is his appointment?"

"He says today."

"Should be fine and it's in the mall so there will be lots of people around," I tell him as I dial Adam.

"Stella..."

"Thanks Adam," I offer as I hang up. "The guy is legit," I tell Mac and he offers a long exhale.

"Will be nice when I can finally make my own decisions instead of relying on others to tell me what to do," he lightly snaps.

"I will of course ignore that," I tell him and once again the mood in the truck is tense and filled with anxiety. "I know you are anxious about getting things back to normal but trust me you'll be fine."

"I'm really tired of hearing that."

"Okay how about this. You are going to be trapped in limbo for the rest of your life and wilt away to an empty shell with no past and no future. Is that better?"

"No," he huffs as we finally pull into the underground parking lot. But as we get out our mood is more angry friends than fledging lovers and I can't help but wonder if the rest of the day will be spent in heated arguments and childish snippets, instead of two people working together to solve a crime.

"I'll check in with the team and you can..."

"Just sit around and wait!" He lightly scowls. He looks at me and then his face finally softens. "I'm sorry...I'm just...angry."

"Just don't be angry at me and I'll let it go," I offer in a kind tone and he just nods his head.

"I'm not mad at you."

I take my leave and head into the lab, allowing Mac to wander wherever he feels the need but probably to his office to allow some steam to cool before he faces real people.

I walk up to Lindsay who offers a cryptic smile. "So I hear you two were making out at a crime scene..."

"Damn it Sheldon!" I lightly snap, throwing a frustrated frown in his direction and thankful the room contains only the three of us.

"Lind...say," he moans at the fact she got him into trouble.

"Don't get mad at her...what did he tell you?" I ask Lindsay.

"I didn't say making out," Sheldon stammers.

"Okay he didn't say making out."

"Lindsay, what did he say?"

"That Mac gave you a hug and offered and emotional display of affection."

"I did not use those exact words!" Sheldon offers in protest.

"Guys, give Mac a break will you? He's almost ready to quit this place because he's so confused. He's angry; agitated and doesn't know who the hell he really is. He came face to face with a shrine of himself of hatred and revenge, that basically showed him dying at the hands of this madman. We all know the real Mac wouldn't..."

"Stella," Lindsay interrupts. "It's okay. We aren't going to say anything to him. Besides it's been very obvious for a while now that you two care about each other. I'm happy for you," she tells me in a hushed tone as I look from her to Sheldon.

"Can't blame him," Sheldon huffs. "But really it's no big deal."

"And it stays with the team," Lindsay rushes. "Well I don't keep secrets from Danny."

"Time to start," I stammer and they both laugh.

"Okay fine, what did you find of use? Anything?"

"Yeah," Sheldon starts. "This guy had a son who apparently was in a very bad car accident; head on collision that put him in a coma. When he came out he didn't remember his father, Dr. Wilson Oswald and rejected him before he finally took his own life."

"Dr. Adams told us part. Anything else?"

"Oh it gets better..." Lindsay continues.

"Great."

I listen to them tell me what they have found and then go in search of Mac; true to my thoughts, he's in his office trying once again to piece his past together. I push aside my anxiety; paste on a firm smile and push my way into his office.

"Anything?" He asks quickly.

"Danny and Flack are over at Dr. Oswald's last known hospital office address and Lindsay finished up with Dr. Adams. As for the country home, so far we think it's a little outside the main city core as the soil samples lead us to..."

"So you have nothing..."

"Nothing solid, but we are working on it. We have narrowed the area to where the soil is and it won't be long before we find the exact location. This guy is good and we just have..."

"Yeah he's good and waiting for me to screw up so that he can kill me!" He snaps, not realizing the powerful truth of his prophetic words.

I look at his flushed face and clenched fists and know the past few hours he's only spent in working himself up not calming himself down.

"Mac, do you want to hear about his son?"

"Will it help us find him?"

"It'll give us further insight into why he's seeking revenge against you."

"Fine."

XXXXXXXX

I listen to Stella explain more about Dr. Oswald's son and for a brief moment I feel remorse and loss for the man who tried in vain to save his son. But my anger starts to surge as I hear how he helped himself cope after that; by seeking out those that wronged him and conducting mind altering experiments on them just to appease his own guilt. All this just adding to the information Dr. Adams gave us the day before. My head is starting to pound as I continue to listen my brain finally starts to flash images of us finding Dr. Oswald's victims; my helping arrest him; the trial and then his personal threat before he's hauled away. I even remember what I did that night. In that moment, I finally realize that my memory is coming back.

"Mac?"

"Headache, no big deal."

"Is your memory..."

"Hopefully."

"But..."

"I have to go," I finally tell Stella, looking at my watch and knowing I have to be at the eye doctor's.

"I'll drive you," she offers and I just shake my head.

"I'm going alone."

"Like hell."

"I don't need a babysitter."

"Mac, I'm not a babysitter, I'm your partner and this isn't out of the ordinary for us."

"Stella I'm more than capable of..."

"No, you are..."

"I'm not capable now?"

"Mac, don't twist my words around, I wasn't going to say that."

"I can go and get my damn eyes checked on my own! You can't arrest me and it'll only take an hour at the most," I huff in frustration. "I need to feel like I can do something on my own without being a burden."

"You are not a burden."

"Then let me prove that to myself. Let me do this alone and then I'll be back and you'll see that nothing will happen. You said he uses disguises and Adam showed me a picture of Dr. Marks. So unless someone else shows up or asks to give me a lift I'll just decline. Shesh Stella, I'm a grown man"

"With no memory of the killer that is stalking him right now!"

"I am going alone!" I snap.

"But Mac..."

"Look if something happens you can say I told you so and be done with it. But I am going alone and that is. Damn I need to do something on my own!"

"Fine...go alone," she finally resigns.

"I will."

"See you when you get back," she offers with a tired voice as I finally take my leave.

And I am not sure what it was that initially struck me; the argument itself, the angry frustration inside my brain or the fact that I worked myself into a damn sweat, but by the time I am outside and into the street, my brain starts to fully open up and I could do little more than lean my head back on the seat of the cab, close my eyes and wait for my past to finally catch up. Dr. Adams was right; my head is pounding but I am glad that I am fully back.

And as the cab pulls away from the building I know I owe Stella more than a simple thank you this time. "I owe her my life," I whisper in torment. "I will make it up to you STella, I promise."

XXXXXXXX

~Colin Morris/Wilson Oswald~

"How _predicable_ Taylor," I smile to myself as I sit inside my transport van; this one having a different label on the outside than the first night I kidnapped him.

I watch the proud CSI get into the cab and head for his '_supposed_' eye appointment. "I wonder if he'll be disappointed when he finds out that it's all for naught?"

I laugh to myself and then frown. He's probably reasoned with himself that since it's a public place and he knows my face he'll be fine; obviously telling his partner, the troublesome Stella Bonasera the same thing to which she probably had no choice but to agree. Damn his stubbornness!

I push the van into traffic, casting a small glance at the needle on the seat beside me, my weapon against a man who I so desperately want to rid myself of; extract my revenge as I promised I would. We finally near the mall and my heart starts to race as I head for the lone exit I know is not well guarded; the exit I'll use to make my escape with my helpless cargo.

"I wonder if he'll once again appreciate the irony of his helpless predicament?" I offer a laugh as my mind starts to revel in the fact that very soon, Mac Taylor will be my prisoner; unable to stop his destiny from finally unraveling his death.

XXXXXXXX

I head into the mall and my head is now pounding. All my memories are starting to return and I am both happy and angry with myself. I remember the night of the accident; our discussion about dinner and then the accident. I remember the discussion I had with Stella and how things have changed for us for good. We had sex and I told her I loved her; now what? Now she'll go back to her corner of the city and I to mine? She said things wouldn't change, but how can they not? Or do they have to? I don't want them to; in fact I want them to continue. But I'm not that guy and as much as I would like to use this incident as an excuse; I know I just can't.

By the time I reach Dr. Marks office, my brain is spinning with so many questions that I offer a heavy sigh for my own benefit and push my way into the office.

"Oh I'm sorry Mr. Taylor, Dr. Marks isn't in today. Shall I reschedule?"

"Where is he?"

"Day off, has been booked off for some time? Is next week okay?"

"But I got a call from a young woman..."

"Might have been the temp as she sometimes mixes up the calendars and you're not the first client to have this happen to. Sorry. So next week okay then?"

"Sure," I offer with a frown as I wait for the girl to hand me the small reminder slip. I quickly take my leave and then head back into the quiet food court; heading for the exit.

But just as I near a section that isn't so well populated my world stops short. I look into the face of a man I know I hate and almost fear; except now I know who he is and why he wants to kill me.

"Hello there," he addresses me with a smug tone. "Should you be out in public on your own?"

"What the hell?"

"Anything to say to me?" He goads.

"I know you," I state in anger.

"That's it? After the time we've been apart, that's all you have to say to me? Oh come now, not very original."

"You are Doctor Wilson Oswald and I know it was you that planned the accident and my kidnapping. You were the one that feed me that garbage about my past and gave me those drugs. I know about your son and the trial and anything else you care to test me with. Is that better?"

"Ah got your memory back did you? _Pity_."

"That and a few other things you rotten bastard!" I curse in anger; foolishly letting my anger get the best of me. And instead of calling for help or backup, I prove to him and the world around me that the old Mac Taylor hasn't changed at all; I still rush in were angels fear to tread. "I know it was you and I can prove it; all of it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! How the hell could you do that to me?"

"How? With great pleasure. How long did I plan it? Five years. Will I do it again? Most certainly. Foolish to come here alone. I guess you really are back to your old self."

"Your time is up."

"Look _John..._"

"My name is Mac Taylor, and are under arrest you son of a bitch!" I state firmly.

"Do you really believe that _John_?" Wilson asks with a smile.

"Yes I do _Colin_," I reply without a smile.

"Touche."

"As I said before you are under arrest."

"That's really too bad," Wilson says meanly as he fakes to leave.

"You're not going anywhere," I state, foolishly falling into his trap, walking closer to him, which his of course what he wants.

"Yes I am...and so are you; with me."

Then before I can react he quickly turns around, a needle in his hand and jabs it harshly into my stomach and quickly pulls his hand back.

"What the hell?" I half shout. "What the hell did you just do?"

"I told you you'd never be free of me. And once this takes effect the last person you'll ever see is me; and then you'll die. You're coming with me today Detective," he tells me, noticing as I start to slowly back away from him with a panicked look on my face.

"No...I'm, not," I tell him as I start to back away from him, quickly noticing that something is very wrong with me. I put a hand to my forehead and immediately feel the heat starting to rise.

"Yes you are."

"Wh-what? What's wrong with me?" I ask in a panic.

"Awww what's the matter _John_? You don't feel well?" Wilson mocks and I scowl.

"Don't...call me that..." I huff, my breathing now starting to shallow.

"That will be your name from now on!"

"What the hell did you give me?" I demand; my heart now starting to race.

"Don't really know the exact name," Wilson tells me, pausing to think, "but it's supposed to simulate a mild heart attack or seizure. One of my own personal specialties," he laughs. "Express delivery just for you."

I feel my chest and sure enough my heart is starting to race; I feel tingling in my limbs and am starting to get a bit dizzy and light headed. I look at my soon to be kidnapper in fear. "I'll...die," I say weakly as I stumble backward. I finally reach for my phone but my brain is so occupied with trying to keep me breathing, I dont think to actually press any buttons.

"Don't worry," Wilson tells me in a smug tone, "you're in perfect health. I checked your medical records the first time I took you, just to be sure. You'll survive," he smiles.

"You sick...bastard," I mumble, as my breathing starts to get shallow and my head is starting to spin; circles forming before my eyes. "Help...me," I try, as I put out a hand to grab at anything to steady myself.

Wilson however offers me no support, except to say, "I'll be right back to help you out of here, _for good_. Oh and so you don't get any ideas," he laughs as he snatches my phone from my limp hand, before he turns around and rushes away from me.

"This can't...be happening," I state in fear as I stumble to the ground and landed on my knees still clutching my chest.

A woman and her friend approach me with a look of concern on their faces. "Sir?" One asks as she puts a hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Please...call...an ambulance. Give me...the phone," I manage weakly, my chest on fire; as I finally fall to the ground on my side. "Help...me," I try, in between ragged gasps. My heart is pounding so loudly I am sure at any second my eardrums are about to explode. "Stella," I call out as she goes for her phone. She was just about to dial when much to my horror Wilson rushes in with a stretcher and what looks like an oxygen tank on it.

"Sir, help is here," the woman exclaims.

"Oh...my...god," I state in panic, my watery eyes trying to get rid of the dark circles that now refuse to leave. "Help...me," I beg in a panic. "Please..."

"I'll help him," Wilson says as he rushes towards me.

"This...can't...be," my frantic brain tries.

"I think he's having a heart attack," I hear the woman say. "How did you get here so fast?"

"I was on my break and I was talking to him when he said he was in pain. He said he had chest pains and thought it was a mild seizure as he's had them before. So I went for the stretcher," Wilson says as he languishes in my helpless state on the ground before him. "He'll be okay once I get him to the _hospital_," Wilson says with a smile as he bends down to look at me. "Trust me it's probably just a mild seizure."

"Why...are you...doing, this?" I beg weakly.

"Because I hate you more than any other person on the planet; that's why. Time to go _John_," Wilson whispers as he goes to grab my arm.

"No..stop," I manage, as I try to push Wilson away from me; breaking free but falling to my knees.

"Ma'am can you please help me get him up?" Wilson asks in seriousness. "He's a bit delirious, and I don't want him to hurt himself."

"Yeah sure," she says as she rushes to me and grabs my other arm. The other lady also rushes into help, holding me by my waist. Now I'm trapped, my panic beyond that of terror.

"Please...stop," I lightly beg, trying in vain to pull myself free.

"Is he going to be okay?" The lady asks.

"Oh yeah," Wilson smiles at them, "_I'll_ take good care of him."

"No," I whisper, as I try to fight them off. "Stop let...go..."

"It's okay Sir, I'm just going to _help_ you," Wilson laughs as he pulls me up.

"Call...Stella," I try weakly as I finally come loose.

"Don't worry, we'll make sure your partner knows what happened to you," Wilson taunts.

But in my weakened condition I only succeed in stumbling _towards_ the stretcher. And despite my thrashing about, the three of them manage to get me on top of the stretcher and the two ladies help hold me down while Wilson quickly pulls the straps tightly over my body, pinning my arms tightly at my sides and then my legs to the stretcher bed. I am completely trapped and helpless once again before a man that hates me and now just wants to kill me.

"No..." I try, shaking my head from side to side. I try to move in vain, but find myself too weak and unable, the tight straps just adding to my already growing panic.

"I'm, being, kid...napped," I try again, as he feel myself being strapped down. Terror starts to grip my already panicked brain as I quickly realize that I am being kidnapped by Wilson Oswald, but in broad daylight and with witnesses and he doesn't seem to care which means wherever we are going is probably going to be my final resting place.

"He's just going to help you Sir," one of the ladies tells me in concern. "This man just wants to help."

"No...he's..." I try in horror. "Ple..." is all I can get out before I'm silenced for good.

Wilson puts the oxygen mask over my mouth and nose to drown out my weak cries for help; the same gas I was given the first time I was held captive by him. I try to shake my head no, but Wilson just ignores me.

"Thanks for the help ladies. He's going to be just fine. Just a mild seizure," Wilson tells them as he rushes towards the exit not listening to my mumblings.

My eyes frantically look around for anyone that will help but since there were already few people around; no one seems to care about a police officer that is being kidnapped in broad daylight. Once outside he quickly makes sure no one is looking and then pushes the stretcher towards his waiting van. He obviously doesn't care about the security cameras in the mall as he figures that the police will never find the location that he has arranged.

I watch in horror as I am pushed inside the black van the same black van I was in before; waiting to deliver me to wherever my demented captor has in mind for my grave site. _Stella! Help me_! I try to pull my arms free from the straps that hold me down but because I am so weak, it is a useless battle. Wilson slams the back doors shut and walks up to me; staring down with a mean look.

I stare up at him with rising anger. This can't be happening to me, my mind tries to reason. He can't just take me like this; not again.

"You know you haven't been very friendly towards me lately. I mean after all I have done for you you have the nerve to want to accuse me of bad things!" Wilson yells in anger, as he bends down and grabs my handcuffs and holds them up before my eyes. "Why is that?" He growls as he yanks the mask off of my mouth. "I tried to help you!"

"You'll...pay for this," I manage weakly.

Wilson loses control of his already waning patience and backhands me across the mouth. But I say nothing; just turn my head back and stare up at Wilson defiantly.

"You know you really piss me off _John_," he states; once again addressing me by the name I have come to loathe.

"My name...is Mac Taylor!" I growl in anger.

"Your name is John Smith!" Wilson says in anger. "And when you die that is the one name you'll curse and I will have won!"

"You can't..."

"I already have," he smiles down at me. "Where are you going to go? Who is going to save you this time?"

I look up at him in anger and hate. My mind is a raging mix of emotions but with the pain in my chest I find it hard to focus on anything else. Why didn't I listen to Stella, I ask myself? Why didn't I call her and tell her when it was done? I try to turn my head but am unable. Why havent I learnt anything from this?

"My team will find you."

"They'll find you dead."

"I..."

"Time to be quiet now John," he informs me, placing the mask over my mouth and nose once again; rending me powerless but not completely in the dark. "Tired of hearing your voice."

I yell into the mask but as before I only succeed in taking in more of the drugs and my lungs start to burn and my stomach starts to tighten.

"I think you'll enjoy your final resting place," Wilson laughs as he tightens the third strap over my waist securing me into the stretcher. "Now I have to put these on _John_. Please try to understand they are for your good not mine," Wilson laughs as he pulls my hands together and cuffs them in front of me. I try again in vain to pull away but with the effects from whatever was coming through the mask now taking over, I lose my battle and the cuffs snap my wrists together, trapping them in front of me.

Then for good measure he hits me in the side and my eyes water but despite my helpless condition I refuse to show him fear, so only glare up at him in hatred and anger. I start to feel myself slipping in and out of consciousness and if I wasn't lying down I am sure I would throw up from the gas assaulting my system. I close my eyes to block out the dizziness and fear; but panic takes hold of my brain once more as the van starts up and Wilson starts to drive away from the mall. Away from anything I think might help me, away to a place I am sure will be my final resting-place.

And as the van pulls away I offer myself an angry curse; just when I have my memory back and my life almost in order, I am once again facing certain death and might never get the chance at a happy future, one I was working so desperately trying to build with an amazing woman.

_Oh Stella, what have I done?_

* * *

**A/N:** don't worry no more memory loss for Mac, just a .... Oh sorry you'll have to see what I come up with! (evil laugh).sorry and please review.

**PS:** Please check out my newest one shot 'The Sound of Music' enjoy!


	13. To Dance with the Devil

**Title: A Criminal Mind  
Chapter 13 - To Dance with the Devil**

* * *

I look at the clock and know Mac should be on his way back now. I want to call to see how he's doing, but know if I do then I'll just further back him into another round of arguments and self defeating comments and I just don't think I can take any more. I do curse myself for making him feel like he wasn't capable of doing anything on his own but how can he expect me not to worry? Wilson Oswald is still out there, planning who knows what against Mac and he expects me just to sit and not worry about him? To show no emotion toward him?

"Damn it Mac," I lightly curse, mostly to myself for forcing us to part on heated terms. However, I know when he's back, he'll feel bad that we fought and we'll both say sorry and that will be it.

"Stella," Danny calls to me as he finally rushes up after being at Dr. Adams office for the better part of the day.

"Find anything?"

"Yeah I think we found the house in the country," Danny shows me the picture with some distinct looking trees. "Plus his secretary said she was at a party in the same area and gave me an address."

I see an address and then we both rush over to Adam. "Run a trace this address and bring up the results. See if anything in the area matches Wilson Oswald or Colin Morris."

The few minutes it takes for Adam to pull up the address seem like a small eternity.

"Got it!" Adam finally exclaims. "Just down from the address Danny gave is a house registered to a Colin Oswald. Nice area."

"Nice area for a cold blooded murder," I grimace. "Can you pull up a picture or one of those satellite maps? We just need to confirm these tress belong to that house."

"Sure, hold on," Adam replies and I look at Danny with a frown. "So much for a respectable member of society."

"We'll get him Stella," Danny tries to assure me. "And then Mac and finally have some peace of mind while he tries to get his back."

"Mac lost his mind?" Adam quips, which Danny smirks.

"Boys!" I exclaim in exasperation.

"Right," Adam frowns as he pulls up the satellite imaging.

"Look at the trees. They are the ones we are looking for," Danny notes. "Adam we need the exact address."

"Coming right up."

"That's the place. I'll call Mac."

This, I tell myself, I can call Mac on and I know I won't be nagging him or trying to force him into something he's not ready for. It's a useful piece of evidence and I know if Oswald is there then Mac will want to come along for the arrest. I push speaker on Adam's phone as he dials Dr. Marks and we just wait.

"Hi, what time is Mac Taylor's appointment finished?" I ask the receptionist over the phone as Adam continues to look for the address.

"Oh Mr. Taylor was here but I told him it must have been an old appointment as Dr. Marks wasn't scheduled to work today," she informs me and my world starts to collapse. "I think the temp might have mixed things up."

"Temp?" Danny wonders.

"How long was his umday off scheduled for?"

"A few months," we are told.

"It was a trap," I dare to utter. "Damn it!"

"When did he leave?" Danny asks as Flack finally joins us.

"What's going on?" Flack wonders.

"Mac's missing," Adam utters.

"Just about fifteen minutes ago," the receptionist continues. "There was some kind of commotion outside but it was some guy having a heart attack and an on duty paramedic took him away already."

"_Paramedic_? Just one?" I ask in terror.

"Yes, he was on lunch or something, just waiting aroundone of the ladies told me that when she and her friend came in for their appointment."

"The guy having the heart attack, what did he look like? Did the lady say?" Flack questions. "Young or old?"

"Some middle aged guy with dark hair," the receptionist rattles off. "Sorry I gotta go."

"Yeah thanks," Danny mentions as he disconnects the speaker button, looking at me in wonder.

"Oh...my..." I can't even utter words as I look at Flack in horror. "Mac!"

"We don't know for sure. Call Mac."

I try Mac's new cell but it just rings and rings. "We need to get into their security. Danny, finish the search for Adam and Adam you get us into that system now!" I lightly order; my heart now starting to race at the thought that Dr. Oswald has once again taken Mac away from me.

After what seems like a small eternity we are finally into their system and Adam is able to find the file he needs and then plays it for us all to see.

_'That and a few other things...My name is Mac Taylor and you are under arrest...'_

"Mac got his memory back," Flack states.

"Mac remembers everything," I dare to whisper as I hear Mac offer that same notion to Oswald. We all watch in horror as Oswald stabs Mac in the stomach with the drugs and then fetches a stretcher.

"Mac!" I utter in futility.

"Probably the same stretcher he used to kidnap Mac the first time," Danny offers.

I hear Mac telling the ladies unwillingly aiding in his kidnapping to call me and my eyes slightly water. Mac...why didn't I insist on going with you? My fists clench as I watch the ladies help strap Mac down and then he's finally silenced with the mask and wheeled from view; taken away from me while I can only watch helplessly.

"Damn him for going alone!" I lightly curse. "Danny we need that address!"

"I think it'll be even worse for Mac now that he remembers everything," Flack frowns. "This guy obviously doesnt care about getting caught which means only one thing..."

"He's just going to kill him and be done with it. Danny!"

XXXXXXXX

I try once more to struggle in vain but with my wrists cuffed in front and my body strapped to the stretcher with three heavy straps and the gas assaulting my senses, I can do little more than lie back in my own heated sweat and curse myself for my stupid arrogance.

Last night was amazing as Stella reminded me and this morning all I could do was throw back in her face how frustrated I was at not listening to anything she was offering in the way of reason. I was the one practically begging her to stay and then it was my stupid words, treating her like her caring for me wasn't something I wanted that got me into this mess once again. I strain my neck to see where I am being taken, but with the drugs making me dizzier, I can only slump my head back down in angry defeat and pray that Stella hasn't given up on me just yet.

I look at the handcuffs that have me trapped and know if I could just reach the small key in my breast pocket I at least would be able to give myself a fighting chance. However as I try to strain my wrists up to my jacket and can't, and I curse myself once more and lay back in captive defeat.

But knowing I can't just give up, so I once again strain to get my wrists up to my face to at least get the oxygen mask off my mouth. But just as the tips of my fingers just reach the edge of the mask; Oswald turns around and catches me in the act; offering an angry curse and scowl.

"You can try all you want _John_," he growls, calling me by the name I have come to loathe more than anything. "But you won't get that mask off. Your fingers might be able to touch it but you can't move it off, so I would suggest you just lie there and try to think on what I might have waiting for your ultimate demise."

I mumble angry curses into the heavy plastic mask over my mouth and nose, but all that escapes the tight edges are garbled whispers, to which my vile captor just laughs as he continues on his present course. I need to make a distraction to get him to slow the van; I need to buy some time. I start to gently rock the stretcher back and forth, causing a slight rocking motion to finally occur.

"Damn you _John_!" Oswald curses. He brings the van to a screeching halt and then rushes back up to me. "Are you seriously trying to piss me off?" He shouts, punching me in the side; forcing my eyes to water.

I narrow my gaze in anger but know I need to buy more time, so as he's busy securing the stretcher to the side of the van, I once again reach for the mask, hoping to at least allow my lungs some unhindered oxygen. It doesn't work. He quickly stands back up and then pushes my cuffed wrists back to my lap tightening the strap further so that now I can't move them as well as before, which wasn't much at all.

"Get this through your thick stubborn head," he talks down at me, adjusting the mask so that it's once again tightly over my mouth and nose. "You took my life away from me and I am going to do the same to you."

I offer another curse but he just pats my cheek, forcing me to grit my teeth and my anger to surge. My body buckles as I try to move my wrists to grab at him but he steps back a foot and offers an evil smile that I am sure will haunt my dreams for days to come.

"Nice try, _John_," he chides; slapping my flushed cheek. "But I'm in charge, not you! And you will die so accept your fate already."

I once more offer an angry curse as he leaves me in my captive misery and heads into the driver's seat and once again pulls away from anything that might come to my salvation. He starts to ramble on about his son and how I destroyed his life but all I can do is lie back in anger and curse my stupidity once again.

I try to move my arms at all but find them tightly pinned down to my chest and while my plan at stalling for some time might have worked, I have only succeeded in rendering myself a little more helpless. Sweat soaks my neck and back as I try in vain to move in any direction, praying for any kind of give in the tight straps that hold me captive before slumping back in defeat.

Stella must have thought me the biggest lunatic on the planet this morning when I was practically begging her to stay with me; but she said she was flattered and glad it wasn't just her worried about our future. I slam my head back into the stretcher in anger; mostly anger at myself for not wanting to just take it easy as Dr. Adams suggested. But as I am just forced to lie here and ponder things, I can't help but wonder what things will be like when this is all over and I'm back where I belong; as head of the Crime Lab with Stella as my _partner_? Do we just go back to being friends?

Oh I wish I never got out of bed this morning!

_Stella, help me._

XXXXXXXX

"Adam!"

"Stella, we've almost..." his voice trails off as I look up at Flack with a nervous expression.

"Why hell did I let him go alone?"

"Stella, he's a grown man"

"Ah, he handed me the same damn line this morning! Lot of good it did him. He get's his memory back and is instantly back to his old self; rushing in where angels fear to tread! Did he not learn anything from all this!"

Flack looks at me and offers a cryptic smile.

"Oh dont give me that look, of course I'm worried and yesI care," I finished in a low tone, my heart still racing.

"Care? More than a friend?"

"Zip it!"

"Got it!" Adam shouts as he quickly writes down the address and shoves it into my waiting fingers. I waste no time in hurrying after Flack, Danny and Lindsay in tow. I follow after Flack into the stairwell, my mind now wondering what Mac will have to face. Now that he's back himself; well for the most part, he'll fight his captor until he takes his last breath, which is probably what Dr. Oswald is counting on.

"I wonder what it was like?" Flack asks as he pull into traffic, Danny and Lindsay in a car following. Jessica going to meet us there.

"Getting his memory back? For Mac? Probably pretty painful," I mumble.

"When you two were together in his apartment...I mean he had no memory and...I'm just wondering..." Flack's voice trails off in wonder.

"If we connected on an intimate level?" I dare to finish. "Do you really expect to answer that?"

"You just did," he smiles and I lightly scowl.

"Doesn't matter, now that he's back, it'll be business as usual," I offer with a heavy sigh; mostly for my own benefit.

"Doubt that."

"Don, this is Mac, we're talking about."

"So? He's a guy, trust me if he's as into you as you are into him..."

"Pardon?" I question and he starts to laugh. "Flack!"

"Right, back to the road."

I cast my nervous gaze into the busy traffic outside but in my mind I can't help but wonder those same things. Will Mac and I just go back to being friends? Before the accident we both agreed to take it slow, but we skipped first and second base and basically both slid into home plate with eyes wide open. Now what? Will that change? And by the time I hear Danny's voice talking to Flack on the phone my head is pounding just as hard as I'm sure Mac's is.

_Hold on Mac, I'm coming._

XXXXXXXX

I continue my useless struggling, cursing myself for not being able to my move arms at all, the straps and the cuffs holding them in place; my legs unable to move as well. The gas is the same gas he used before, only a weaker version but still making me sick and weak; not allowing me to pass into complete darkness; but ensuring my body isn't in any kind of fighting form.

I offer another muffled curse into the mask but Oswald just continues his angry tirade of how much he hates me. I feel my fists tighten as he mentions the accident and how he relished in my miserable plight of that night; knowing my team would have been searching in vain when he knew I wasn't even there. Laughing when I first looked up at him; not knowing anything, begging for my own name. Keeping me locked in that small cold room with no hope of anything. Knowing my partner would be worried but laughing at her misery.

I can't imagine what Stella must have been thinking when they first found the scene and thought I was dead. We were supposed to go out for dinner that night; Thai, I remember all the details now. And right now I deserve more than anything for her to give me the third degree about going off half cocked against a man who's already shown once he could take me and has done so again. She has more than earned the right to say I told you so and I think for once I will actually beg her to tell me that to my face.

I continue to struggle in vain for what seems like forever when I finally feel the van starting to slow; panic wants to grip me but I know I won't go down without a fight. And above all else I need to protect my head against further damage; I just got myself back and I don't want to lose it all again.

I watch as Oswald slowly makes his way up to me, looking down at me in anger.

"Would have been so much better if you had remained clueless!"

_Go to hell_, I try to yell at him, anger flashing in my eyes.

He finally starts to loosen the straps around my feet and waist and then my arms; leaving my cuffed wrists to rest on my chest. But I waste no time in bringing up my legs and kicking him in the side; causing him to fall backwards into the front compartment, getting tangled in a few things. I twist myself around and charge for the door, ripping the mask off my face, my lungs heaving for fresh oxygen, my head dizzy, my body weak. I try to blink away the dark circles that are hindering my fingers from actually undoing the clasp that holds the door locked; inches from my supposed freedom.

However, just as I am about to push the back door open, Oswald grabs my foot and I slam into the floor, hitting my head but thankfully missing the first spot and I know it's not going to do any permanent damage as I don't feel any new throbbing, outside of the gas I was forced to ingest.

"You'll never...win..." I wheeze as I try to use my cuffed wrists to crawl to the door once more.

"Damn you Taylor!" He huffs as he yanks my feet back toward him, holding onto them while I try to squirm my way to the door once again. He offers a hard punch to the side of my leg and the pain temporarily forces me to subside; but not for long, angry adrenaline forcing me to keep going despite the agony and fatigue my body is feeling.

"No where to run to Taylor," he taunts as he pushes himself up and then rushes into the front of the van and brings back a damp cloth; one I can only assume to render me helpless. I see what he has and panic seizes me as I push myself to my knees to try to keep those drugs from being used, if he succeeds, I'm doomed.

However, I am not prepared for him to lunge at me as we both slam into the back door of the van and then land on the floor in a jumble of arms and legs. Sadly I'm finally forced onto my stomach with my wrists cuffed in front and the full weight of my body pressing down on them, I can do little more than mutter an angry curse as he finally succeeds in bringing the damp cloth over my lips and nose, silencing me and forcing my system to drink in the harmful drugs. Terror grips me as I try to move out of his grasp but my body is rapidly slowing and I know it's a losing battle.

_Stella_, is all my mind has time to call out before I succumb to the darkness and go limp in his arms.

XXXXXXXX

~Colin Morris/Wilson Oswald~

"About damn time!" I curse Taylor once more as his body finally succumbs to the drugs and he's once again helpless in my grasp. I rest against the side of the van for a few seconds, wiping the sweat from my brow as I gaze upon his unconscious form with an evil sneer.

"Today you die," I huff as I push myself to my knees. "And then I disappear for good."

I gather up his limp body and drag him back to the stretcher and then haul him back on and strap his waist down so I can transport him into the house. I'm sure someone will have figured out by now that he's missing and his team will more than likely get the security footage. His team is called the best for a damn good reason. However, they don't know where I live so I'm not that worried.

I look at his head and notice some blood from a fresh wound, but know its not enough to do any permanent damage and frown.

"I guess I'll just have to do that all on my own."

I push the stretcher into the small basement opening and then seal it behind me. If his team does figure out where I am then they'll have a hell of a time getting in here. I push the small wheeled bed into a darkened room and then hurry over to a small computer console and press a few buttons; once again sealing the entrance and my precious captive away from those that want to actually save his life; stopping me from taking it.

I walk back up to Taylor and sneer at his unconscious form before offering a heavy sigh to try to push away some of my anger and hatred so I can concentrate on what I need to do. Aside from the smattering of blood on his face he actually looks at peace and that causes my anger to start to fester once again. But before I can allow myself time to dwell on his condition, I undo the straps that hold him down and get to work.

"Welcome home _John._"

XXXXXXXX

"How come so quiet all of a sudden?" Flack asks me in concern. "We will get to Mac in time."

"Just remembering our stupid argument this morning. Don, I made him feel like he couldn't do anything on his own! Like he was a child that needed a baby sitter."

"You were worried, and justifiably so."

"Doesn't excuse the fact that I made him feel like he wasn't capable of doing a simple task without supervision."

"He'll never hold it against you."

"He won't have to. Not if he's injured again," I offer with a heavy sigh; anger starting to eat away at my insides. My stomach is sick at the thought that Oswald might try to inflict another head injury on Mac and then we'll be back at square one. Mac has tried so hard over the past weeks to come to terms with his memory loss and then work to restoring it, to finally getting it back today to maybe losing it again.

"Ah damn it!" I curse, forcing Flack to look at me in shock.

"Who are you cursing? Mac, yourself or his kidnapper?"

"Take your pick," I seethe. "I just can't help but feel guilty again and don't lecture me on the fact that Mac is a grown adult and can take care of himself! Because today I am going to say I told you so and be done with it!"

"Poor Mac," Flack lightly chuckles.

"Poor me!" I moan. "This Dr. Oswald is quite the disturbed individual and when I get my hands on him..." I start; finally forcing my brain to think on the case instead of dwelling Mac's assumed helpless predicament.

_Hold on Mac, I'm coming._

XXXXXXXX

I finally feel myself starting to come out of my drowsy stupor and panic seizes me once again when I realize that I am unable to move very well. My eyes fly open, forcing me to realize that I am being held captive in a chair similar to the one I was in before. My wrists are strapped down and so are my feet with thick leather straps; and my stomach sick from the gas. My coat and suit jacket are missing and I feel a slight chill coming through my dress shirt; mostly from nervous fear. I try in vain to pull my wrists free but only succeed in working myself into a useless sweat and slump back in anger. I hear low laughter coming from the side of me and force my eyes to gaze upon my captor. I narrow them in hatred, and offer an angry curse under my breath.

"Come on _John_," Oswald laughs as he slowly walks up to me; standing before me with crossed arms. "I thought you liked that chair."

I just stare back in defiance, lightly struggling, watching a slow evil smile start to display itself across his twisted lips.

"I hate this chair you sick bastard."

"You couldn't escape from there before so your useless attempts at struggling only serve for my viewing pleasure! But don't worry, pretty soon that chair will also serve as the final instrument of your ultimate demise. For when I'm done with you, your memory loss will be permanent!"

"How could you?" I manage with a haggard tone.

"I told you that I wanted to destroy your life!" He fairly shouts.

"Why?"

"Because you at one time so smugly stood before the judge and jury, asking them to condemn me for just doing my job!"

"Murdering innocent people to further your disturbed experiments isn't a valid profession!"

"My son took his life!"

"That wasn't my fault! That wasn't anyone's fault but his own! You started to murder those people to justify your own shortcomings! They didn't ask to sign up to be living test subjects, you chose for them. And trust me if your son was alive you wouldn't have picked him."

"Five years Taylor. I planned your demise for five years."

"You could have been..."

"What? Rehabilitated and restored to society? Thanks to you I would never be allow to return to the only line of work I enjoyed doing! You took all that from me and now I'm going to do the same for you. You see at one time I was a brilliant neuro surgeon and while I might not have all the tools here to properly remove what I want to from your head, trust me when I'm finished with you no human on the planet will be able to return you to the Mac Taylor you know right now!" He finished with an angry shout, his face inches from mine. "Or I'll just kill you."

"My team will find me!" I state in anger; pulling in vain on my captive wrists, my anger working me into a useless sweat.

"Well this place is unlisted and unless someone can find a picture that'll set my house apart from the others, you are pretty much at my mercy," he snides not realizing that such a picture exists and my team is already on the way.

"My team will..." I try again.

"_Your team_?" He arches a brow. "Are you sure they are still _your_ team?"

"What the hell does that mean?" I demand in anger; my fists balled up and once again, uselessly trying to pull myself free.

"You're the CSI, notice anything out of place on your arm?" He asks and my fear starts to build. I look my right arm that has the dress shirt sleeve rolled up and sure enough there is a small puncture mark in the vein.

"What the hell did you give me?" I hiss, eyes flashing revenge if I ever get myself free.

"Something to help with your memory loss."

"I have no memory loss, I remember everything about you, you bastard! My team will be here shortly and then you'll be sent back to where you came from!"

"John plea..."

"My name is Mac Taylor!"

"YOUR NAME IS JOHN SMITH!" He yells in return. "You are no one and when you die alone you'll be no one!"

"I wasn't the person responsible for your son taking his life," I try to reason; mostly trying to stall for time.

"You were the person responsible for stopping my efforts to help others like him!" He finishes in anger.

"You killed innocent people!"

"I had my reasons!"

"Murder is never an excuse for self justification!" I offer in contempt. "You knew the law and you chose to break it."

"I had no choice and..."

"You had the technology and the funding, yeah that's right, I remember everything now. It was there but you chose to ignore it! Government grants, industry sponsors; hell even the Mayor at one time wanted to donate to your damn cause! The only person responsible for your son jumping to his death IS YOU!" I shout, to which I only receive a predicted but harsh backhand to the face. "You justified those murders for your own twisted pleasure! YOU HAD A CHOICE!"

"My son was taken way by an illness," Oswald starts once again in a calmer tone.

"Your son..."

"Stall all you want _John_, you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

"Your arrest?"

"Your death!"

"Who was Shane? The man you obviously blackmailed into helping you."

"A patsy who sold his soul to the notion of human decency."

"You murdered a man who only wanted to help another human being!" I offer in contempt.

"I have no compassion Detective," Oswald replies with a frown. "I have no guilt that haunts me, I feel no remorse or shame at what I've done. I am beyond help by my own professional self diagnosis. Explain THAT!" He throws at me.

"I would offer to get you help but I think you're passed that now."

"As are you! With the drugs in your system, soon to be added to, I'll point out right now; your mind will once again be in danger of passing the point of no return. A little elective surgery and you'll be as good as new."

"What the hell do you mean_ elective surgery?_" I ask in fear; my heart rate almost at critical.

"That's enough for now _John_," he frowns; sense and reason no longer emotions his brain can grasp. "I am tired of your lies."

"Tell me..."

"I think I'll just get started..." he offers walking behind me and making some odd noises.

"TELL ME!" I shout in anger as he comes and stands before me once again.

"You know you shouted to me once before at me to tell you your name. It's John Smith and if this doesn't work, I'll simply kill you and be done with it."

"But..." I try only to have him rip off a fresh piece of tape, press it over my lips to silence me, I fear for good. I yell into the heavy tape that is now keeping me quiet and frantically pull in vain on my trapped wrists, panic seizing me at what he has in mind for my ultimate demise. But I'm trapped just as he wanted and unless Stella gets here fast I fear my life really will be over; for good.

_Hurry Stella, my mind begs. You have to hurry._

"Well Detective, shall we begin?"

XXXXXXXX

"We're almost there," Flack tells Jessica on the phone; she's following with Danny and Lindsay who are in the other car.

"He had a hidden room before and I'm willing to bet he doesn't have Mac just sitting around in the living room waiting for us to show up," I offer as Flack brings his car to a halt.

Flack stops the car and we get out, my eyes darting around for any signs of my missing partner. We spy the van and run for it; just as Danny and Lindsay pull up behind Flack's cruiser. I pull the door open and gasp in horror at the dented gas canister; the mask lying on the floor with fresh signs of heaving breathing; the damp cloth that smells like chloroform and some fresh blood on the floor.

"Mac didn't go willingly," Flack frowns.

"Looks like a bad struggle," I mention as I notice the fresh smattering of blood on the dirty floor. "Hopefully not from Mac's head."

"Stella, he'd have to be hit pretty hard again in the same area to lose his memory," Flack mumbles as we turn back to Danny and Lindsay.

"That's not comforting by any means," I retort.

"He's got Mac inside but this place looks too quiet and no sign of life, just be careful, this guy is good and probably knows we're coming," Flack directs. "And if he knows were coming, he'll have traps waiting; I'm willing to bet he won't be taken alive."

We are all told which area's to check and then I waste no time in rushing for the back door with Jessica in tow; Flack going with Danny and Lindsay around the front and then dispersing from there.

"This place gives me the creeps," Jessica mentions as we reach the back door. She gently pulls it open and we slowly make our way inside; both guns drawn. I listen to the silence for a few minutes and know if Mac was awake he'd be making some kind of noise; that is if he was able.

"Damn it Mac, where are you?" I offer in a whispered tone, looking at Jessica with a frown. "Sorry, still mad at him."

"_Mad_?" Jessica arches a brow.

"_Concerned_," I correct weakly and she offers a warm smile.

We start to move a little further into the back of the house, hearing faint familiar voices in other areas and know the team is already inside and starting their search on the other side of the house.

"I'm going to check outside," I mention as we reach the end of the second room.

"Just be careful," Jessica warns. "We don't want to have two of you to look for."

I offer a firm nod and then take my leave and carefully head back outside. I start around the side of the house; leaving the safety of my team but knowing I need to find my partner before any more harm can come to him.

I spy a small shed in the distance and then carefully make my way toward it; hoping not to trigger anything that will alert my presence to Mac's captor; forcing him to take drastic measures of revenge against my captive partner.

"Talk to me Mac..." I whisper to myself as I near the small doorway. I very carefully push it open and then stop; letting the sound of my own heart beating echo off the walls that are inches on either side of me. I see a small hidden ladder and start to climb down; my heart rate almost at critical. When I reach the bottom I stop and listen.

_Mac, where are you?_

XXXXXXXX

~Colin Morris/Wilson Oswald~

"Oh come now _John_," I mock my helpless captive as I head for a new gas tank and mask. "Really, what do you have to go back to? A life that is filled only with work and emptiness? You live alone; have no real friends or interests other than your own self preservation and that really isn't a life worth holding onto."

I just laugh once again at the anger his blue eyes are directing at me. He's offering useless words into the gag and I just shake my head.

"You really brought his upon yourself," I start as I place the oxygen tank on the floor and hold the mask up to his wide eyes to inspect. "I offered you a new start. Don't worry this one is fresh."

He tries to protest the mask by turning his head but I have two hands that work and his are unable to stop me so finally succeed in placing the hard plastic over his mouth and nose, placing the strap over his head.

He tries once again to shake the mask off his head forcing me to just stand back and smile.

"You really aren't going anywhere unless I want you to. You know for a man once so proud and sure of himself, you look pretty hopeless right now."

I head back to my computer screen, getting ready for the next phase of my torment; failing to see the small warning light that is now trying to alert me to his troublesome partner's presence.

"I mean you thought yourself untouchable right? Ready to die for honor? Just curious..." I ask as I step around in front of him once again. "Ever have anything worth _living_ for?"

He looks at me in frustration; his blue eyes now watery as his body continues to absorb the gas; rendering him weak and vulnerable to whatever I have to offer him in the way of a punishment.

"I guess you'll have time to think on that when I'm finished. Course I just might do my damage and then leave you to fend for yourself, as I'm sure your troublesome partner is already aware of who has taken you. Oh she's smart, I'll give her that much. But she lacks the one thing I have; the killer instinct. I guess in the end you really do lose. Pity."

I finally cast my glance toward a small screen and offer an angry curse as I see the red light frantically flashing.

"Not possible!" I offer in anger and Taylor looks up at me with a narrow gaze, probably mumbling I told you so, under the tape keeping him quiet.

"Damn that woman!" I curse under my breath as I pull out my gun and move into the shadows. "Time to give Taylor a little show."

XXXXXXXX

I hear a male voice in the distance and ready my gun; my fingers about to tremble and my heart racing at top speed. I have already turned my phone down to silent as if it is Mac I dont want to alert his captor and end up putting my life in jeopardy, causing more headaches for the rescue party just outside.

I very carefully make my way down the hallway toward the light at the end. I near the opening and stop to listen once more; the man's voice has stopped and I can't help but wonder if he's on to me. Before I take another step I quickly send a text to Flack to let him know where I am but to proceed with caution.

I finally near the edge and poke my head around the corner. I cast my eyes into the middle of the room and offer a gasp.

"Mac!" I state in horror as I see him strapped to the chair with the mask over his mouth and nose. He looks groggy but he's awake and that's a good thing. I pick up a small stone and throw it toward him to get his attention.

I watch in misery as his handsome face slowly lifts and looks at me; his watery blue eyes locking with mine; begging for help; his lips unable to utter the actual words. He looks around to see if his captor is waiting for me then offers only a frown when he can't see where he is.

I finally dare to take a step, a small knife in my hand so I can just cut Mac free and help him out of this prison, I know he hates.

"Hold on Mac," I whisper as I quickly remove the mask from his mouth and nose. "You talk last!" I huff as I start to cut one of his wrists free.

He mumbles into the gag, forcing my eyes to his and then begs me to take it off. I look at the torment in his eyes and the look of pain on his handsome face and I know I have to give in.

"Fine!" I utter as I gently peel the tape away from his lips. "Don't even start..." I lightly warn as I continue; his right wrist almost free of the leather strap.

"Stella..." he lightly gasps in a soft tormented whisper; his lungs gasping for air.

"Just hold on," is all I utter before I hear a noise and quickly twist around to see Dr. Oswald glaring at me in anger; gun in hand. My fingers quickly meet Mac's, passing him the knife as I continue my showdown with Oswald.

"Detective Bonasera," he greets me. "How utterly predictable."

"I would offer the same, except to add that you are under arrest for the kidnapping and att..."

"Your helpless partner offered the same predictable line just before I showed him who's really in control."

"You're not even in control of yourself, much less anyone in this room," I state in anger as I cock the trigger.

"Not true."

"Mac has his memory back, so you lose."

"Actually..."

"Enough games, you are und..."

"Do you honestly think I wasn't expecting you? Please give me some credit Detective Bonasera," Oswald frowns. "I am not stupid."

I sense Mac trying to cut himself free but with the drugs in his system it's slow and my worry for him continues to grow; especially since I don't know what else Oswald has planned.

"You see..." Oswald starts as he takes a step further from the shadows toward me.

"That's far enough," I instruct with anger.

"So I guess if I did this..." he starts as he flicks something to the floor, which immediately catches fire and suddenly a section of the floor beside him is in flames.

"You son of a bi..." I start in horror.

"Sorry Taylor," he calls past me to a still struggling Mac. "I guess our together time has ended. I see you are cutting yourself free and in a few minutes you will be. Here is your one last test. What do you do first? Save your partner? Or stop the murderer?"

And before I can react I hear a shot, Mac's voice yelling my name; wicked laughter mixing with the crackling of the fire before I slowly start to sag to the ground; Oswald's finger easing back on the trigger he just pulled.

"Stella!" Mac calls in horror. "NO!"

* * *

**A/N: **okay so sorry for the evil cliffe (well not really) but this chappy was already long and I had to end it somewhere so did here...please let me know what you thought of this and perhaps a guess as to what will happen next? Thanks again.


	14. A Brand new Day! A Brand new Future!

**Title: A Criminal Mind  
Chapter 14 - A Brand new Day! A Brand new Future!**

**A/N:** **A special thanks to the following readers who reviewed every chapter and kept me going with amazing words and feedback. THANKS SO MUCH TO: Lily_moonlight; SMackedFan; crazy-hot; x-gemarrrr; moochielovescsi; sucker-4-smacked; csi-ncis; jillswinburne; cyn23; Asprine; kanameisawesome; cmaddict; hazmatt; SMACkedHuddy; stephmeyerfan14; hoshihikari; talkstoangels77; (if you reviewed regularly and I missed your name please forgive me!)**

AND to all the others lurkers (gosh that sounds sordid lol)you know who you are and those that left the occasional review. PLEASE ALL ENJOY!

* * *

Stella had given me the small knife and while she talked to Oswald it allowed me to gather my senses and start to cut myself free. The knife was cumbersome in my sweaty fingers but my hand finally started to cooperate and by the time he lit the fire one hand was free, the second one not far behind.

But much to my everlasting horror, I watched as Stella's body crumples before my feet and I just offered whatever cry of agony my lungs will allow.

"Stella!" I try again as I quickly race to get the other wrist free; my lungs now having to deal with the smoke inhalation mixing with the drugs from the tank. But much to my surprise, when Oswald has his back turned, Stella's eyes open and she offers me a wink. I watch as she quickly twists herself around and then tries to get to her knees; the hidden bullet proof vest under her jacket saving her life, much to my relief.

Oswald turns around and tries to fire off a shot but is caught by some flames which affords Stella the opportunity to rush him. I frantically start to cut my other wrist free; vowing not to leave my partner at the mercy of this madman. I watch Stella wrestling with Oswald as I finally feel my second wrist coming free and just pull with whatever strength I have left and the leather restraint finally snaps loose. I am now able to pull the straps on my feet free and then am able to rid myself of that damn chair.

I watch in horror as Oswald is about to hit Stella and so I lunge at him; forcing my body to slam into his, taking us both to the floor near the fire; Stella falling to one side, slightly dazing herself in the fall. Oswald takes his first swing but my angry adrenaline ensures that I keep up.

"Stella!" I cough as I notice her slow to get up.

My eyes start to burn from the smoke but I refuse to give in as I land another hard blow to Oswald's stomach.

But he's driven on by his hatred for me, so just as I get to my knees, he lunges at me once again and we both slam into the floor; my chest winded from the fall. He punches me hard in the side and I offer a small cry of agony. He eyes his gun and tries to make a play for it, but I grab his foot and offer a yank and he slams to the ground on his knees. Once again he's quick to get up and so twists himself around, brings his foot to my face, forcing my head to snap back in pain as I sag backward. I taste the coppery sludge between my lips of my own blood and my stomach lurches; but knowing that our lives hang in the balance I push past the pain once again and continue the fight.

Oswald finally gets to his feet and rushes for a small side door; the fire now blocking the main entrance that Stella used to find me. Despite the pain inside my chest and the pounding in my head, I push myself back up to my knees and charge at him, pulling him back. But I lose my footing and he stumbles into an area now consumed with fire and starts to scream as the embers start to dance on exposed flesh.

"Stella!" I call out as I rush to her side, leaving Oswald to fend for himself, and gently feel Stella's warm neck for a pulse. "Don't die on me damn it!"

"I'm not going to," she offers with a slight cough, her green eyes now glistening with tears.

"I thought I lost you for a bit there," I mumble as I go to gather her up in my arms.

"MAC!" She tries to shout over the flames as Oswald grabs both of my arms and yanks me back. I stumble onto my butt as he tries to drag me back into the flames; his clothing almost burnt off his body but he's refusing to die unless I am lying next to him. He grabs the back of my dress shirt and pulls me back up before I have time to react.

"Stella!"

"We die together Taylor!" He shouts as I struggle to get free. He wraps his arms around my body, trapping my arms at my sides and giving me less of a fighting chance; the heat from his body now starting to scorch mine. But Stella slowly picks herself up and rushes to help, always there when I need her most; proving herself the tough partner I know and love.

"Mac!" She shouts as she punches Oswald in the side of the face, before coughing and stumbling back as her body aborbs one of his blows. I summon whatever waning strength I have left and yank my arms free, slamming my head backward into his, causing him cry out in pain as he loses his footing and falls backward into a wide bath of open flames. His leg catches with mine as I fall to the ground; but I am alive and soon he'll be gone for good.

"It's over Oswald!" I shout in anger.

"NO!" He starts to scream in terror as the flames quickly consume flesh and bone; a fitting end to an evil soul.

I turn onto my side; offer a small cry followed by a dry cough as I watch in vain as he dies before my watery eyes. I blink away tears as my head starts to pound again and my eyes are offering small circles; my lungs heaving for fresh oxygen and coughing from the scorched air tickling my tender insides.

But I have to save Stella and so quickly crawl back to her and am rewarded with her slowly trying to get back up; the fighter insider her refusing to quit.

"We have to...get out of...here now..." I cough as I help her stand up, wrapping an arm around her waist and offering whatever support my tired body can afford.

"The entrance is blocked!" Stella calls over the flames, her lungs too gasping for fresh air.

"He'd have another way!" I call back, knowing what kind of man Oswald is and that he'd have another way I squint into the dimly lit area and spy the door he was trying to make a break for.

"There!" I call to her as we both head for the small wooden door. I throw my weight into the rotten wood and it basically disintegrates under my weight, Stella behind me, as we crash to the harsh ground; breathing hard.

XXXXXXXX

This time it's my turn to offer a slight cough before pushing myself back up and helping Mac; his body I'm sure almost completely spent of energy and adrenaline.

"We have...to hurry," I manage as I wrap my arm around his waist and hold on as we start down the darkened hallway; the smoke from behind us, rapidly gaining; threatening to suck out any fresh air offered to our lungs.

"Tired..." Mac whispers with a tormented tone.

"Almost there..." I call to him over the pounding in my ears. "Stay with me Mac."

We finally reach the end and Mac once again offers himself as a battering ram and pushes the full force of his body into the heavy wooden door and it slowly moves. One more time and he offers a cry of pain on the shoulder he injured in the accident a week ago. But it does the trick and soon we are both happily rewarded with fresh air pouring into the small space. Mac helps to push me through the opening and then takes my hand so I can finally pull him to safety.

Once outside we both lie on the cool grass, lightly gasping for air and trying to cough up whatever rancid smoke is still dancing around in our systems.

"You...okay?" I ask him almost out of breath; as I crawl over to his side and push myself up so I am looking down at him in concern.

"Yes but..." he tries, forcing himself to sit up; his lungs heaving for oxygen as he violently coughs once more.

"Mac, just rest," I gently push him back down as he tries to get up once more. I look at the blood on his head and then the torment in his watery blue eyes and my own eyes offer automatic tears. "I almost lost you Mac."

"Don't be sad," he gently whispers. "Please Stella."

I offer nothing in the way of reply as I start to wipe some of the blood and dirt off his handsome face.

"Stella, talk to me," he begs as we hear voices heading in our direction. "I know I screwed up today."

"Mac..."

"I'm sorry."

"Just rest," is all my tired brain will allow.

"Please..." he tries again, offering another hoarse cough as Flack and Danny finally reach us.

"Help Mac," I tell him.

"Stella you were shot!"

"What?" Flack asks in shock.

"Into my vest. I'm okay," I assure them. "Just help Mac, I'm fine really."

"Stella..." Mac starts again as I watch him being helped to his feet by Flack and Danny. "I'm..." he tries only to have his weary knees buckle and the two men grab his arms once again, struggling to keep him upright.

"Stop being so damn stubborn Mac," Flack huffs.

"At least we know he's back to normal," Danny adds as Jessica and Lindsay finally join us. Mac is helped away but he looks back at me and I only offer a tight smile in return.

"Stella!" Jessica exclaims as she helps me after Mac and the guys. "Don said you were shot."

"I'm fine, it was into my vest. Just a bit sore from the smoke."

"Is he dead?" Lindsay wonders.

"Dr. Oswald will never hurt another human being ever again," I tell them firmly. "Mac is safe, that's all that matters now."

"Come on let's get you cleaned up," Jessica instructs with a warm hug and I am more than happy to comply.

I finally reach the clearing and see an ambulance waiting to tend to Mac and myself while the rest of the team deals with the aftermath of Dr. Oswald's short reign of terror.

I watch Mac getting his head looked at before he is told to lie down on the stretcher and just allow himself to be further examined. I near the ambulance and only offer a weary smile before I try to move past.

"She needs to come too, she was shot," Mac mentions and I offer a small curse.

"I'm fine really," I utter in protest but the medic looks at me with a skeptical brow.

"You should at least get yourself checked over," the medic reminds me.

"Fine," I huff as I climb in beside Mac and the doors close. He takes my hand but I refuse to meet his gaze; my eyes watering at just the touch of his fingers on mine.

"Stella, please look at me," he lightly begs and I finally force my gaze to lock with this. "I'm sorry."

"I know," I reply, tight lipped.

"You have more than earned the right to say I told you so. Do you want to tell me that now?"

"No."

"Then why the silent treatment?"

I look at him in small surprise and then at the medic and know it's not the time or place to pour out my heart at almost losing the man I love, or offering a romantic confession without the privacy I know he needs, and so hope he understands.

"Just tired," I lie and he finally stops asking. I look at his handsome face and only offer a frown, my hand still holding onto his.

"Just a surface scratch on your head Detective Taylor. Nothing serious," the medic tells Mac. "But an x-ray should confirm that. I'll let Dr. Adams know to expect you."

"Great," Mac huffs. "Another round of I told you so's."

"Maybe he should have went with you to the eye doctor."

"Damn it Stella, I said I was sorry!" He lightly coughs and the paramedic looks at me in frustration.

"He just needs to rest," the medic offers.

"Right," I sigh as I look back down at Mac. "Don't talk Mac, until we get there okay?"

"Probably would have been one sided anyways," he huffs.

We spend the rest of the ride to the hospital in tormented silence and once we arrive Mac is taken right away to see Dr. Adams while I am tended to a female ER nurse and then sent into the waiting area for Mac to return. I nervously pace, wondering if the rest of our evening be tense and we will finally part as strained friends rather than fledgling lovers.

XXXXXXXX

"Mac, you got lucky this time," Dr. Adams frowns at me. "No more damage to your brain and your shoulder was just bruised, not dislocated. How do you feel now that you are back to being you?"

"Like I have a few changes to make," I reply with a wince as I pull my dress shirt back on and start to do up the buttons.

"Yes, it's amazing how many people actually see the light as it were after they face death in an unconventional manner."

"Sounds complicated," I huff and he just laughs as he writes me a prescription.

"Take these for one week and they'll help to restore anything that was recently damaged by the drugs you said he gave you. I'll get Sheldon to do the blood test once again but if you were only given the one shot then you might have some temporary relapses but nothing major. I would recommend taking tomorrow off but I know you won't, unless it's part of those few changes you want to make? I'm sure Stella wouldn't mind."

"Thanks Doc I just might do that," I offer with a slight wince as I finally push myself up off the bed and go in search of Stella. It's getting late but I dont want the night to end with us at odds. In truth I can't be upset that she's mad at me; as it was me who yelled at her before I decided to go my own way which only proved she was right and I was wrong. And if I had died today she would have been forced to live with my insolence and I would have been damned in the next life also.

Part of me wonders if she had already taken her leave; I would deserve that but when I round the corner I can't help but offer a warm smile at the fact that she's still waiting for me. However, her body is still tense and I know I'm to blame.

"Before you start..." I offer.

"Wasn't going to say a word," she tells me as she turns to leave. I gently take her arm and pull her back.

"Stella..."

"Mac, you were kidnapped today, forced drugs, attacked, beaten and survived a fire. You look like hell and probably feel like hell. I was shot, attacked and survived a fire. I probably look like hell and feel like hell and we are both going home to rest. End of story."

"You look beautiful to me," I offer and she rewards me with a slight smile as she gently wipes some dark soot from my face.

"Thanks Mac, but you are going home; on your own!"

"But..." I try to protest.

"Next time I think I'll just handcuff you to the bed and let you stay at home and ponder your foolish actions that cause undo heartache to those that care about you!"

"Guess I deserved that."

"You deserve a good tongue lashing also but I'm too tired to offer a proper one and so you just need to go home and sleep," she moans as we slowly head outside and wait for a cab. I pull her back to face me and look into her green eyes with a frown.

"I am sorry for acting like a child earlier."

"You could have been killed for good this time and..." she starts but I lean in and gently place a soft kiss on her lips.

"I knew you wouldn't let me."

"Mac, I really want to be mad at you," she pouts and I just smile.

"Say I told you so again and you'll feel better."

"_I told you so_."

"Do you feel better?"

"A little."

"Then it was worth it. Are you okay?"

"I don't have a memory problem!"

"Dr. Adams told me to take it easy and I might just listen," I offer and she just laughs as the cab pulls up and we finally get in.

"Right."

"What?"

"Mac Taylor? Take it easy?" She scoffs. "Not in this lifetime...or the next," her voice dies to a whisper.

Stella leans her head on my shoulder and I can't help but smile as I intertwine my fingers with hers, allowing the warmth from our union to continue to build. And despite the fact that I know she is angry, and has every right to be, the fact that she doesn't pull away from my touch, confirms that our bond is still strong and our new union still assured to grow.

"Are you really okay?" She finally asks in a small voice. "I mean besides the physical fatigue."

"Dr. Adams said the drugs might cause a few headaches and temporary blackouts but otherwise he gave me some antibiotics to counter whatever Oswald gave me. Otherwise, besides a headache, I'm fine. Sad thing is I didn't even know his son."

"Mac, it wouldn't have mattered. He blamed you for not allowing him to continue his murderous rampage. It was revenge; pure and simple. But I'm glad you're okay."

I look down and notice she's looking out the window and finally see a small tear escape the corner of her eye and slide down her cheek. She goes to brush it away but I'm faster, forcing her to look at me once again.

"What is wrong? We're both okay now."

"When I saw the footage at the mall...I um...I thought I lost you."

"Sorry to have worried you," I mention as I gently pull her face to mine and offer a kind squeeze of comfort around her waist.

"I seriously thought I lost you for good to him this time."

I hold her close and we utter no further words until we reach her apartment. "I know I can't come up but I'll see you tomorrow?"

"I know you won't take the day to rest tomorrow even though you should, so goodnight," she replies with a slight frown as she goes to leave.

"I might try to..."

"Mac, I don't want you to have to try to be something you're not."

"Which is?"

"A man trying to _pretend_ he's in an intimate relationship."

"Stella I wasn't pretending, and this morning..."

"Wasn't you," she tells me with a firm smile.

"But I want us..."

"Goodnight Mac," she tells me as she pushes herself out of the cab and I quickly follow.

"Stella wait! You think that now that I am back to, well normal, that we'll just drop everything we had and that's it?"

"I don't want to force you to..."

"Force me?" I ask with arched brows. "Not possible Stella, not with this."

"But Mac..."

"I want us to continue. I do."

She looks at me with a wondering glance before I am rewarded with a soft smile. "Slow and easy?"

"I thought we did it fast and hard," I wink and she lightly slaps my arm. "Hard to have been with you on the most intimate level and then go back to the beginning; trying to move past the first base when we already reached home plate."

"I really want to believe you," she whispers, her arms now lightly draped around my neck, my arms around her waist.

"But?"

"Nothing."

"Stella?"

"But I'm afraid it's just the brush with death today talking and the real Mac Taylor will be back tomorrow and it'll be business as usual."

"I might surprise you," I offer in a husky tone as I lean in closer and plant a warm kiss on her lips. "Maybe I'll take the day off and..."

"You a day off? I don't care how tired you say you are, that'll never happen," she scoffs. "Not willingly."

"Could happen," I protest.

"Maybe if you were handcuffed to the bed," she flirts and my face warms.

"Could happen. Stella..."

"Don't change anything Mac; I care for the real you."

"Don't change _anything_?" I counter and she smiles.

"Mac..."

"Stella, I think I feel more than just a simple caring inside for you."

"You need sleep."

"I love you."

"I know you think you do," she smiles but I only frown and her face softens again. "But you nearly faced death today and that could just be nervous panic talking."

"Stella..."

"Mac, you need sleep and tomorrow might make us both wake up and realize...well things."

"Do you love me?" I have to know.

"Mac, I...I think we both just need to see what tomorrow will bring."

"Should I bother trying to change your mind?" I ask her in concern.

"Not tonight. I'll see you tomorrow, I promise."

"See you tomorrow," I whisper; realizing that she's confused and worried that I'm just saying I want more but knowing I need to prove to her that I do love her and want more than just a simple friendship.

"Sleep well okay?"

"I'm alone again," I lightly pout and she gently lifts my eyes to look into hers.

"You'll never really be alone Mac," she smiles, tenderly kissing my cut lips once again. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You never could," I whisper back; crushing her lips once again, hungrily devouring them but stopping before I go too far. In truth I am tired and dizzy and I know we both need sleep. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight," she whispers, offering me one last warm hug and kiss before turning and heading into her apartment.

I watch her posture and know she's worried that I'll just turn back into private Mac Taylor, a man locked away from any possible future happiness; a future with her. But I know inside that I want more from her and for us; how do I make her know that? How do I prove that to her?

I hail a cab and all the way home my brain just tries to find a way to make her know. I could take her for dinner and just tell her. Would she believe me? I guess in time when I show my affection for her away from the office. Something more drastic I think is needed. But what? What wouldn't I normally do that I now can use to my advantage to prove that to her?

By the time I reach home an idea has formulated inside my tired brain and I actually feel my core start to warm. And by the time I push myself under the hot water, my heart is racing in anticipation of tomorrow's events.

I finish my shower and then slowly head into the bedroom; but as much as I want to be happy and think about my surprise for Stella tomorrow, when I blink my eyes and her image fades; sorrow and loneliness start to consume me and I am forced to realize just what my life would be like without her in it on a regular basis.

"I would die of loneliness," I offer to myself in misery as I quickly change into some night clothes.

"Goodnight Stella," I whisper as I finally lay my weary head down on the pillow and close my eyes. The darkness that awaits only holds promises of nightmares and sleepless hours; my personal torment and demise at the hands of Wilson Oswald. And even though I know he's dead, having seen him expire with my own eyes, when I open them next I see him standing over me with that damn mask and I cannot find sleep once more. Another hour of tossing and turning and I curse my very mental state.

"I need her..." I mumble as darkness tugs at me once again and I roll onto my side and try to force myself into sleep.

"I love her," I whisper as I finally succeed.

XXXXXXXX

I finish my shower in a cloud of gloom. I want more than anything to believe that Mac loves me and that he and I will continue where we left off this morning; happy lovers in a personal setting, and then trying to work at being partners and best friends in a professional setting. However, I'm pretty sure he'll be back to his old self come morning; business as usual and I have to prepare myself for that. I offer a firm nod to my morbid reflection in the mirror and slowly wander to bed; pushing myself under the covers, willing sleep to come.

But as I turn onto my side for the hundredth time; begging the darkness to consume me, I realize I need him more than I can even admit to myself.

"Mac...I need you," I whisper in misery as my eyes slightly water. In truth I wanted to spend the night with him but I know he needs his rest and don't want to have guilt sex just to appease my mind or his. I want something more but wonder if he really loves me or if that was just something offered in the heat of the moment; I guess only time will tell. I do love him but I want to offer it to him when he's ready to prove to me it was more than just nervous anxiety talking, or to keep me from leaving.

"Goodnight Mac. I love you too."

And with that sad thought dancing around in my brain; pushing aside any happy thoughts that Mac is back where he belongs and his tormentor will never hurt him again, I finally close my eyes for the last time and drift into slumber.

When morning comes, I am reminded of my loneliness by the empty echo in my apartment; and while I have stuck to a no men policy, I was considering breaking that if things progressed with Mac as I know I trust him with my life and would never need a place to hide from him.

I push myself to a seated position and just linger in bed wondering what today will bring. With Oswald declared dead there are only files left to close but no other leads to follow up on. I lean my head back on the wall and try to think of anything to just keep today light and argument free.

"Well he does owe me dinner," I state to myself, remembering our discussion before this all happened. "And he did let me con him into Thai food." So with that thought in mind I finally push myself out of bed and go about getting my day started; my down mood starting to lift.

I head into the office a little earlier than normal but figure Mac's probably already here working as usual, so I should be doing the same. I walk past his office but offer a small frown when I see he's not there, no coat to be seen. I head into the lab to find Lindsay working all alone at a table.

"You're in today?" She asks with a slight frown.

"Where else would I be?"

"Well just thought that since Mac took today off then you would also...just you the two of you so you could...you know...okay never mind," her voice trails off into a smile.

"Why would I do that?"

"Stella, please," she smiles.

"Mac took today off?" I state in surprise.

"Said he wasn't feeling well and was going to stay in bed and just rest," she shrugs.

"Well Dr. Adams did tell him there could be side effects but..."

"Maybe he's sick?"

"That's odd, Mac is never _that_ sick," I state before I turn on my heel and head for my office; not realizing Lindsay's growing smile as I take my leave. I dial his number but get no answer and just frown. "Maybe he's asleep."

I sit down at my desk and then just stare at the clock with a frown. "I should just check to make sure he's okay. What if he's not?" I wonder as I grab my bag and coat and head for the parking lot. Dr. Adams said he would have temporary blackouts and my mind instantly flashes Mac passed out in pain or worse, going out but forgetting where he lives and then just wandering around town; lost.

"Oh Stella," I chide myself as I head for Mac's. "Now you just sound paranoid."

XXXXXXXX

Oh the anticipation of Stella's arrival is almost too much to bear. I know that was her that called and I'm sure she's been at the office and is wondering what on earth is going on with me. But sometimes drastic times call for drastic measures; and I think this is one of those times.

And while I could have gone in today and used the excuse to not work as hard as I needed to recover from the past few days I thought I'd take Dr. Adams advice a little to heart this time and just spend today resting as in truth I think I need and have earned it.

However, spending the day alone without Stella at my side, to me is a waste of time and so I can hardly contain my grin as I watch time tick slowly past; knowing she is probably already on her way here.

Finally I hear the door handle start to turn and just settle back and wait for her arrival; my heart already beating faster.

"I wonder if she'll be surprised?"

XXXXXXXX

I reach Mac's and sit outside in the truck; wondering if I should even disturb him if he's truly asleep. I know he doesnt sleep well and almost turn the truck around and head back to the lab. But something nearly pushes me out of the truck and soon I find myself slowly heading into his apartment; wondering what I'll tell him is my reason for being here.

I stand before his door and am about to knock when I try the door and find it unlocked. I pull out my gun and gently push the door open.

"Mac?" I call out.

"In here Stella," he calls back in a calm voice and I put my gun away.

"You okay?"

"You tell me."

I only offer a frustrated sigh and shake my head as I take off my jacket and shoes and dump my purse and go in search of my elusive partner.

I round the corner to his bedroom and stop short. "What on earth?" I ask with a growing smile as I spy Mac sitting on his bed, just his underwear on with one of his wrists cuffed to the headboard above him. "Why did you um..."

"Are you mad?"

"Hardly."

"Well you said I had to be handcuffed to the bed before I took the day off and so...well here I am," he tells me with wide grin. "Waiting for you. No point in me taking the day off to spend it alone."

"Damn you Mac," I offer with a smile of my own.

"Pardon? But I thought..." he offers in haste as I slowly walk up to him and ease myself down beside him. "Thought you would approve."

"Approve? I had a hard on the minute I rounded the corner if I can use that expression," I mention in a husky tone as he smirks and I push him back into the pillows and then start to hungrily devour his warm and inviting lips.

"Ah so you do approve," he whispers.

"Kinda hard to find you like this, waiting just for _me_ and not approve or think naughty thoughts about having my way with you."

"That's what I was hoping for."

"And we have the day?" She dares to ask.

"All day."

"Where is your phone?"

"Stella, we have the day for just the two of us; I give you my word, no professional distractions."

"But..."

"Stella, I am doing this for us. I need to for us. I want to for us. I hope you believe me."

"I do Mac."

"So then this is a good thing right?"

"Pretty amazing! But if that's the case then you did something wrong," I tell him and he frowns as he watches while I gently undo the free cuff and then take his other wrist in my fingers.

"Show me what it is."

His smile grows as well as his desire for me, as I gently capture the other wrist over his head so that he's trapped and vulnerable before me; helpless and desirable. "Just this. Now I can really have my way with you."

"Think I like the sound of that."

"Mmmm now that's more like it. Love the smell of morning Mac," I whisper as I play with his damp hair, my lips teasing his.

"Love the smell of Stella as she is."

"And this idea is because of?"

"Well it was you that said spending the day in bed would be fun," he offers; flexing for me, further fuelling my growing desire and need for him. "And I figured I needed more fun in my life; again wouldn't want it unless you were here to enjoy it with me."

"Didn't think you'd actually want to do that or even take me that seriously," I tell him in a warm tone as I push myself up and gently straddle his waist, slowly removing my top before lowering myself down so my lips are once again inches from his.

"Always Stella."

XXXXXXXX

"I love you, and no it's not the cuffs talking," I smile up at the playful green eyes before me, relishing in the feeling of her now nearly naked body on top of mine. "I think I always have but it wasn't until Oswald came back into my life that it forced me to finally realize how short time is and that I shouldn't waste it on being afraid. I love you Stella, and I'm saying it, not because of nervous anxiety or a near death experience, but because I am not afraid to say it any more."

"Well that is pretty amazing."

"Why?"

"Because I love you too and not just because you did this, although it does help certain other things," she smiles before tenderly tasting my lips. "So I guess this means we continue where we left off?"

"Wouldn't this be considered starting fresh?" I counter.

"I guess it would. And you did this for me?"

"Only you Stella. Never did this before. Never wanted to before," I confess and her face beams, my body already hard and begging for hers.

"So since I'm not going to let you out of those for the rest of the day..." her voice trails off as she starts to plant warm hungry kisses on my lips and face, her arms gently gripping mine.

"_The rest of the day_?" I manage weakly, with a slight frown.

"Sorry Mac, you have more than earned this!"

"I guess I have."

"What did you have in mind for us later?"

"Well when I do get free...whenever you feel I've _earned_ it," I start in a low husky tone and her grin widens. "I think I owe you dinner."

"Dinner?"

"Thai right?"

"You remembered that?"

"Some things you never forget. Now show me what I'm missing," I whisper in return and she finally lowers herself onto me once again and finally silences my words with her wanting lips, tasting whatever her mouth can land on; forcing my mouth offer soft moans and my warm body to arch into hers.

And as we start to make love, me still captive in her loving grasp, giving all I have and her offering everything she can in return, I know one thing is certain; while my past was in jeopardy of being erased, my future was always secure.

**THE END!**

* * *

**A/N:** Okay so after all the hell I put them through, especially Mac did the ending more make up for it? Hope you liked this adventure and please leave a review once again with your thoughts and comments. Stay tuned for a new SMACKED adventure coming very soon (ie the weekend). YOU GUYS ROCK!

**PS:** stay tuned for an update for "Target Specific" coming tomorrow!


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